Porch swing reupholstery fail

We have a second generation porch swing that came with us from our old house when we moved last year. Handed down from our friends (who graciously left it on the porch when we bought the house from them), I admit that I love the idea of having a porch swing more than I love actually using it.


The sad grandpa porch swing was relegated to the random mow strip/concrete pad on the side of the house when we moved because of how tiny our back porch was. But then, this spring, we landscaped the back yard and suddenly the porch swing had a home!


The only problem: the fabric was worn thin from years of use, misuse and unuse. (Is that a word?)


"Have no fear!" I told Eric. "I will reuphoster it and make it look fabulous!" I was well intentioned and truly believed that I could take on this little project with little to no effort required. I can sew! I've made pretty elaborate Halloween costumes. I was on costume crew for a few plays in college. I have made some of my own clothes.  The "how to reupholster your porch swing" sites online make it look so easy!


The problems started early on. And remember, this is late April or so...  Our probably very cheap porch swing (sorry Clifts!) has an all in one cushion and cover, meaning I couldn't take off the cover and use it as a pattern to create a new one. Oh no. In fact, I actually needed my husband's help to dismantle the ENTIRE swing so that I could remove the pad/cover in order to measure and plan out what I needed.


Mid May.


Pad removed and spread out on the dining room (no doubt tracking in 10 years of hidden dirt and who knows what), I measured and planned. Headed to the fabric store and found some super cute weatherproof fabric, which was more expensive than I expected.


And yes, I got home to discover that my fabric was about 2 inches too narrow! So, back to the store a few days later only to discover... the fabric was gone! No problem, I thought, I'll go all Project Runway and "make it work". I bought the same fabric in the same pattern but in complimentary colors and used it as edging down both sides, widening my fabric enough to do the job.


Late May.


I get this great idea to use a staple gun to affix the fabric on to the original pad/cover so that I don't have to sit outside in the 90 degree weather handsewing an entire porch swing. It seems like it would work! But after stapling the pad to my dining room floor (hello cheap laminate tile flooring!) and then dragging the whole thing outside, it quickly became apparent that my little quick fix idea was not working.


Did I give up? Never! I doubled the fun by using craft fabric glue spray, spraying the crap out of the back of the fabric, glueing it to the old fabric and THEN stapling it on!


Yeah, my head is hung in shame.


Early June.


I decided to go with it, despite Eric's incredulous looks, and see if it would hold together. At this point, other than a few visible staples, the cover actually looked pretty good. We even sat on it once.


Mid June.


I haven't mentioned that I live in a windy area. This is important because it only took about a week for my "fancy" porch swing cover job to start coming apart and flapping in the wind. At first it was just the bottom, which didn't actually impede the use of the swing OR show the original cover, so I let it go. Eric wasn't pleased.


By late June - 2 months into my "simple" project - basically the entire cover had come apart and was folded over itself, dangling off the swing, blowing in the breeze. Yes, I somehow made a 10 year old porch swing with an entirely worn and destroyed cover look WORSE than it did when I started. Did I fix it right away? Nope. Instead, I spent the summer pretending that it didn't exist.


I did make a few lame apologies to Eric for my lameness and promised I would fix the porch swing, but my heart wasn't into it.


So finally today, yes it is early September, I took the first steps to rectify my porch swing reupholstery fail. I am giving in and will be hand sewing the cover. Baby steps. Today, I pinned my cover back on to the swing so that this weekend, I can do the sewing. From far away, the porch swing actually looks pretty good. See?

But don't get too close!!!

It sounds like a train in here... must be time for school to start!

Back to school time is upon us. This is Sister's first "back to school" since last year was her "first day of school". She is making the jump from 2 morning a week preschool to 5 morning a week pre-kindergarten. It has proven to be a fairly easy transition for her so far: same teachers, already knows most of the kids in her class, Daddy still around as principal. We'll see at the end of the week whether 5 mornings in a row causes serious crabbiness or not. Thank goodness she still naps!

Little Man and I are getting into a blessedly low key routine while Sister is at school. And it goes a little something like this... (hit it!)...

Drop Sister off at school.  Come home and play cars.  Head to the gym for a workout and Kids Club. Pick up Sister and head home for lunch.

As I'm not completely obsessed with playing cars like some people in this house, I'm hoping that we can add a little variety in the playing time and go to the park or library or something every now and then, but I'm not holding my breath!

Little Man has had a few weeks to get used to the gym Kids Club and has done well there. It has been an adjustment for him to go without Sister, but after a minute or two of tears, he has been fine.  I am very thankful that he has a fall birthday so he is going to be a little older when he starts school.  He would NOT be ready this year AT ALL (even though he never shuts up and is known for busting out words like "thermostat").

Yesterday we had a nice relaxing time playing cars out on the grass in the front yard. So quiet now that all the kids are in school! Today, those early fall winds are whipping around the neighborhood, so we opted for... cars in the living room! See? Some variety already!! We had a nice conversation about where heaven is, how we get there, whether Jesus has a car and a garage, if there is a thermostat in heaven, etc. (I'm sure everyone's 2 year olds ask about thermostats in heaven, right???)

And Sister? Loving school so far. She has graduated from not wanting to tell me anything about her day to telling me some specific things she did during the day. Her favorite part: "All of it". Oh, and snack.

From the Lost

Welcome back to me! Sorry to say it has been awhile. I just got back from my mission trip to Haiti and then couldn't remember my new password from when my account was hacked a couple of weeks ago. Will post some Haiti pics and the full story during nap times this week. In the meantime, you may have heard of the cool new site for all of us "in the know" called I Write Like. You paste a sample of your writing - a blog entry, for example - and some kind of algorithm thing analyzes your writing style to tell you what famous author you write like. Apparently I write like Cory Doctorow. Didn't know who he was, had to google him. Apparently, my blog writing style is similar to... a blogger! A liberal, science fiction writing blogger and journalist. Word.

Share Group Inc.: You're on my list!

For weeks now, we have been getting calls DAILY - sometimes up to 3 times a day - from "Share Group Inc." We are on the No Call List and have caller ID so I don't usually answer when they call. But still, annoying to have your phone ringing multiple times a day from some kind of telemarketer, right?

Last night, I was fed up and ready to tell someone off. So I answered the phone only to hear an automated message tell me something to the effect of: "There is a call for you. Please wait on the line for our next representative." I hung up.

I did some online research today and discovered that Share Group Inc. is a marketing/fundraising group that makes fundraising calls for all sorts of organizations. Just by typing in the phone number from our caller ID, I found many posts on various sites by people who have been getting calls as often as we have.  Apparently, a few years ago, calling back to the number would lead to an automated message with an option to opt out of the calls. So I tried that, but no such luck. Now you just get to leave a message so someone can... call you back... AGAIN!

I don't really understand all the details of the No Call List, but apparently somehow Share Group Inc. is exempt from the No Call rules. I get the impression that agencies that otherwise wouldn't be able to call me because of the List can hire Share Group to call me instead. Nice.

I think I'm probably in the majority here - hounding me multiple times a day does not make me more receptive to a fundraising pitch when I do finally get fed up enough to answer my phone and then wait for someone to be available to talk to me. I wish I could just call the police or something. As it is, I might get my whistle ready for the next phone call.

Fire Humans and Flags: From the Mouths of Babes

Learning my lesson about not talking publicly about breasts... I wrote a post about summer dresses for larger chested ladies and what happens? My blog gets hacked!

Well, I'm back with a big karate chop to the throat of my hackers, and a nice, fancy "secure" password. 

Take THAT!

******

In other news, Little Man (2.5 years old) has been dealing with some nasal issues due to the dry air here. It has led to multiple "I never thought I'd be doing this" moments with me shining a flashlight into his nose and extracting boogers that look like green raisins from his nostrils with a pair of tweezers. (Probably not medically advisable, I know, but a kid's got to breathe, right?) Enough is enough, despite his fear of air conditioning, wind, and all mechanical noises, we decided it was time to bust out the humidifier. 

The humidifier ranks pretty close to the air conditioning in terms of inducing fear. At this point, both things are not scary until, conveniently, it is time to go to bed. But, the humidifier is much more entertaining because Little Man calls it the... "fire human"!!

"Mama, I don't like the fire human in my room."

His other funny toddler word play: he calls the fly swatter a "flag", so any time he sees a fly he shouts, "I'm gonna flag it, Mama!" and runs for the fly swatter. Then I get to say, "Flag it, Little Man!" 

Rant: On Sundresses

*** Warning: the post contains a discussion about my boobs.***

Summertime, and I want a... really cute summer dress!

Woe is me, this is a problem for me every summer. I RARELY wear skirts or dresses any time of year, but in the summer, I almost always prefer a lightweight, flowy skirt or dress, long or short. (Unless, of course, I'm out weeding in the backyard or something,)

Apparently, I have a body shape that is next to impossible to fit in a casual summer dress, unless I want to shell out close to $100. And my "body shape" is not super crazy or anything. Yes, I am 5'10, but I'm an average weight and don't have major problem areas I want to disguise. The main problem: I have breasts. Yes. I am a woman and I have breasts. Proportional, but large enough to need fairly substantial support.

Strapless and spaghetti strap dresses are out. And also anything that gives me cleavage like the Grand Canyon. Apparently, that leaves me with... nothing! What the hay?

I think this is my 4th summer looking for a casual summer dress that is affordable, fits the boob-age requirements, and is long enough that my underwear isn't showing everytime I bend over. Last summer my mom found me a couple of maxi dresses that are cute, but one has a stripe of white cotton just at the bum area that is see through enough to require a slip. Personal opinion: slips in 100F weather are just inappropriately hot! The other one is also cute, but maybe a little cleavage-y. The first time Aunt Leona saw it she asked me if I was trying to "pick up a man".

Anna, I envy you and your cute little summer black dress! I will continue on my search, and maybe within the next few years I will find something! (By that time, I could've probably gotten years and years of wear out of a $100 dress, but I just mentally am not ok with spending $100 on a dress that is supposed to be a casual, playing with the kids and hanging out outfit.)

Maybe I should just cut some of these out and glue them on my body:

Summer - the hardest part of the year?

I am a stay at home mom to two routine-loving toddlers. They don't know they love the routine, but they do. And I do too.

Enter summer...

I've been longing for warm weather, playing outside, freedom, maybe *gasp* a small vacation or two. And here it is!

Eric is a Christian elementary school principal. Before the current year, he was a Christian elementary school teacher. "Summer off", right? Ha! I have a husband who shrinks away in terror from the idea of "down time". He gets incredibly anxious when he has free time. Luckily for him, "summer off" is an imaginary concept.  There is no "summer off" for someone in his position. Today is the "first day of summer" in his world, since yesterday was the last day of school. He was gone by 7am to be at school for multiple meetings. Will spend the afternoon helping teachers pack up their classrooms so that each room can be painted (by, you guessed it, him!) and moved to a different room for the start of next school year. That's right, my husband will be spending his "summer off" painting an entire school. And taking his admin. classes. And going to meetings.

The hardest part of our summer schedule blossoms from my own mind.  In actuality, these summer days don't look much different from any other day of the year. The problem is that a large piece of my brain thinks, "This is summer! Eric will be home more! We will do fun things! We will go on adventures! He will be around to help me with the kids and household tasks!" But it doesn't happen. I get my hopes up that he may come home for lunch or be home early so that I can go to an appointment without the kids or we can go to the park as a family. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.  It really is much easier when I don't even get my hopes up. At least then when he's home unexpectedly, it's a welcome surprise, unlike the opposite when I expect him home and he can't make it. 

Here's to a wonderful summer of adventure! Hopefully I'll be able to get us all out of town a few times!