On Birth

Where to begin?

The beginning... I am a mom, which means that I have been a pregnant woman. Twice, actually. During my first pregnancy, Eric and I were a pretty average American pregnant couple. I saw an OBGYN,  took Lamaze at the hospital where I planned to give birth, took prenatal water aerobics classes once a week, and had a vague sense that I wanted to attempt to have my baby without pain medicine but an ingrained fear of what kind of pain that might mean having to bear. I had a very healthy pregnancy - some problems with sciatic nerve pain in my hip, and an "irritable uterus" after being in a car accident at 30 weeks. I happily registered for gifts and had multiple baby showers. I "went with the flow" and didn't question much.

My daughter was born via c-section at almost 41 weeks when I went in for a standard "past due date" ultrasound and non-stress test and they discovered she was breech. Not a single contraction. Time from when we discovered she was breech to the time she was born: about 3 hours.

Honestly, just like I had a routine pregnancy, I had a routine c-section. Some itching from the meds, but no trouble breastfeeding, healed quickly, L did well. We were home in the standard 3 days. I remember waiting to go in to the OR to be prepped and telling the nurse and my mom, "What happens after this? I didn't read anything about c-sections while I was pregnant!" My first post-delivery gift was a book about c-section recovery from my mom.

I've learned in the almost 4 years since then that my story is becoming the "standard American pregnancy" story. Pregnant women do not, in general, educate themselves about c-sections -- the recovery, the reasons a c-section might happen or, most importantly, the things we can do to avoid one. I do not believe all c-sections are unavoidable, by the way, but I think MANY are.

Yesterday on Facebook I posted this article about increasing c-section rates.  I actually thought twice about posting it because I didn't want to offend anyone.  Women are as defensive about their c-sections as they are about their parenting decisions. And, despite common stats that put the US c-section rate at 30-35%, a quick mental check of my friends who have had kids within the last 5 years puts the percentage of women I know who have had a c-section at closer to 75%. No kidding.

The sad thing about c-sections that is not mentioned in research based articles, is that often women who have c-sections really regret their birth experience, especially if they later find out their c-section was not medically necessary or they or their child suffer from one of many possible c-section related complications.  I felt regret  about mine, and my experience (missed frank breech presentation) is one that is typically placed in the "medically necessary" category (though I now disagree).  Eric and I missed the chance to experience childbirth together with him as my partner. Instead my daughter was born while my arms were strapped to an operating table and Eric was peering over a curtain at my exposed body organs.

In my case, and in the case of many other women I know who had c-sections, it becomes a case of "If I only knew then..." After my daughter was born, Eric and I immediately knew we wanted to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). We spent my second pregnancy researching VBACs, natural childbirth, ways to reduce likelihood of a c-section, ways to avoid medical interventions during labor, etc.  Both Eric and I became very passionate and pretty knowledgable about those kinds of things. And the funny thing is that we experienced a surprising amount of negative response from friends who could not understand why I wasn't "ok" with my c-section and/or why I didn't "just do what my doctor tells me" and have a repeat c-section.  Um... because it's healthier for me and baby to have a natural birth?

It's a controversial topic, one written about more eloquently by others. I just wish that more women were educated about the facts related to c-sections and birth while they still have options to get to that birth experience they want for themselves. Instead, in our culture, it does usually end up as an "If I only knew then..."

Lovin' Fresh Friday

I'm not very good at using coupons at the store, but I do like a good sale! Today I say HOORAY! for Yoke's Fresh Friday!

I got all of this...

for only...

That's right! $10.06!! 2 gallons of milk, 8 good sized bananas and 3 boxes of organic cereal!

I'll say it again, HOORAY! I love you Yoke's Fresh Friday!

Dusting your hutch is NOT a workout!

Today I have a little rant about a pet peeve of mine.  Those of you who do not live in Stay at Home Mom World may not be familiar with this phenomenon, but I think any SAH's reading this will relate. You either DO this, or it drives you as crazy as it drives me. (If any of my friends are reading this and do what I am about to describe, know that you personally do not drive me crazy, but I do think you're in a little bit of denial!)

Here we go... I can not stand it when people...

count cleaning the house as a workout!

I used to be on a discussion board for new moms trying to lose weight after baby. In that group, as some people do in "real life", we set goals for working out. Either days of the week ("I'm going to work out 3 days this week") or minutes ("I'm going to work out for 120 minutes this week"). Often "regular" people do this too. It's pretty common for people to set a schedule to go to the gym or run or whatever 3-5 days a week. Or, for stay at home moms, even once a week is sometimes a victory!

I think that is why it's so easy for the moms to enter into this crazyland of denial where everyday tasks suddenly count towards health related goals.

It is true. I have actually read workout posts from women that consist solely of info like the following:

"For today's workout I dusted my entire house and also vacuumed."

Seriously? All I can think is, "Man, that lady must have a gigantic house!"

I know I shouldn't care - it doesn't hurt me if random mom thinks she's done 20 minutes of cardio because she mopped her floor - but as someone who actually DOES work out, it does offend me a little bit. And it scares me that there are actually people out there who really think they are exercising simply by existing in their everyday world.

I live in a 2 story house and have walked up and down my stairs about 10 times in the 7 hours I've been awake today. Count 10 minutes of cardio for me!

Goals for 2010

I'm about a week late here, but I have been thinking about some goals I have for 2010. Not "resolutions", more like things I'd like to do or work on for this year without the "fail" if some of these things don't happen, or don't happen as often as I would like.

1) Increase my focus on being "healthy and strong"

Eric and I often talk to L about being 'healthy and strong'. Better than talking about not eating junk food because of the chance of getting fat, we talk about how eating nutritious foods help us become healthy and strong. And how our minds can also be healthy and strong. So now it's my turn too. Instead of worrying about my weight or what size pants I'm wearing, if I'm "cheating" by eating a cookie, I'm going to try to spend this year focusing on making choices that make me feel better. I'm continuing to struggle with that distinction when it comes to cutting out sugar and refined flours (doctor prescribed nutrition plan) - I still feel like I'm "dieting" which automatically puts me in a mindset where I think about cheating or sneaking foods I shouldn't be eating, which leads to me eating those things, which leads to increased symptoms of yuckiness (joint pain, tiredness, etc.)
As I recently posted, I'm starting a new workout program, which I think will be good because it is in no way supportive of losing weight and being thin, but instead focuses on strength, flexibility, balance, agility, etc. All good things that will help me be a better mom too!

2) Cut back on tv & movies

I'm planning to make it a goal that at least one weeknight a week, Eric and I spend time actually engaging with each other instead of lounging in front of the tv, reading books, or spending time brainlessly on the computer. Talking, playing a game, doing a puzzle, whatever. Just some time for us to be together while we actually are, in fact, together!

3) Add some adventure

We don't really have the budget for serious adventure, but I want to try to do at least one thing a month as a family or just me and the kids that I would consider adventure. Things outside of the norm of our every day life. So maybe it'll be a day trip to someplace new or spending a few days building vegetable garden beds while the kids "help". Whatever it is, it'll be family time spent doing something new and exciting!

4) Put some money into savings

I'm the family budgeter and also am the one who spends a majority of our flexible funds each month on groceries, cleaning supplies and other necessities. One of the goals for this year is to move from "just getting by month to month" to actually being able to stash a little bit away at the end of each month. Or, simply writing those end of the month bill checks without feeling like I want to puke would suffice!

5) Become an intentional friend

I'm six months in to being brand new to this area and have started meeting and making some friends. Friend making is a weakness of mine (as in, I'm not good at it). I'm hard to get to know, and I know it, which makes me uncomfortable around new(er) people because I worry they are struggling to understand the puzzle that is my unique brain.  But, enough of the excuses!
Isn't it wonderful to have intentional friends? You know, the ones who actually reach out and ask how you are doing? Who think of you at random times and say a prayer for you, or bring you a book or plate of brownies because they thought you might need/want them?
I am going to be one of those friends this year, not only to hopefully get to know my new friends here better, but also to reconnect with some old friends who I've lost touch with.

6) Read more good books

This one is actually a carry-over from 2009, but it's my blog so I set the rules! My mommy brain has really seemed to benefit from reading good books as often as possible. Well written books, books on topics that I find interesting, books that "everyone" is talking about. I love to read and, most of the time, reading is also a good way for me to wind down before bed. (A recent exception being The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad, which caused me to have really weird dreams three nights in a row that were loosely related to the book.) I plan to keep up with the good habit this year.

Pride in being a Puppy

Before we moved here, I found a pretty nice weight lifting class at our gym that was tough, but not too tough, and made me feel like I was actually building muscle. I was sad to see it go when we moved out of state in late June 2009. Our new gym is a no frills, open 24 hours weight lifting and cardio club. No classes, minimal trainer interaction, but affordable and near our home. Since we joined, I've been doing cardio workouts there but have been missing the weight training.

Since I know the instructor of the weight lifting class I was taking sometimes stole workouts from Men's Health magazine, I decided to look in my free Shape magazines for workouts I could use when I go to the gym.

I was reading an interview with some buff trainer (or celebrity, I don't remember) who mentioned CrossFit being a challenging workout with lots of variability.  I spent a couple of days checking it out and have decided to go for it!

In short, every day I'll be checking in for the Workout of the Day (WoD) which will no doubt be impossibly hard as it is geared towards adventure racers, marines, police and firefighters and extreme athletes. Luckily, they also scale down the workouts multiple times for "The Pack" (most people who have been doing WoDs for awhile) and "Puppies" (newcomers to CrossFit). I also recently discovered that pregnant athletes/maries/police/etc. and children are also Puppies. So, I guess I'm in good company!

Each workout of the day seems too simplistic when you look at it on paper, but then when you do them, they are really difficult. Full body workouts, varied daily, mixed in with varied cardio. I'm supposed to record not only the weights used, but also the time it takes to complete. Speed increases the cardio benefits and also shows an improvement in how much rest time is needed.

Yesterday for my very first WoD my Puppy-scaled workout was three sets of: 20 assisted pull up, 20 assisted dips, 25 squats for time. I ended up weighting the pull up/dip machine so that I was working against about 70lbs. Pretty lame. And even with that, I couldn't do all 20 in any set without failure. But, then again, when was the last time I did pull ups or dips? The goal is then to work towards eventually being able to do pull ups unassisted and then to move on to the real CrossFit unscaled exercise: Muscle Ups. (By the way, in watching CrossFit exercise demonstration videos, there is a remarkable consistency in the "hardcore rock"-ness of the accompanying music. I think maybe I need some Korn on my IPod before I can do an unassisted pull up!)

So, I did my sets yesterday, got remarkable sweaty considering I was only actually working out for 15-20 minutes and now today I am sore all over! Luckily they build some rest days into the program, because after tonight's WoD -- 5 rounds of: 400m sprint for time, 15 sit ups, 15 hip extensions -- I'm not sure I'm going to be able to move tomorrow!

The end goal? Keep myself interested in working out by changing up the exercises every day. Feel the day after soreness that comes from a good workout. Increase my muscle tone and self confidence. Impress my kids with my huge biceps!

On Fabulousness and Lack of Privacy

Back to school time for Eric means back to blogging for me! I'm entering 2010 feeling pretty good -- those vitamin D suppliments must be working their magic...

This morning I got a glimpse of what life might be like for celebrities.  The kids were busy eating breakfast so I decided I could spare a moment to go to the bathroom all by myself (a rare treat for a mom with 2 toddlers). The next thing I know, the door flies open and my 3 year old daughter is taking my picture with our digital camera! Talk about invasion of privacy!

On a similar "celebrity related" note, I was thinking this morning about some of the people I know who are, at least in my mind, "fabulous". You probably know people like this, if not in real life, then from television. Women who are in shape, fashionable, and always seem put together. We used to live in a town with many more of these people - Eric and I still call them "Bend Moms" for this reason. I think it's much harder to be "fabulous" when you are a mom than if you are, say, a young single woman with a well paying job and living in a trendy location.

Anyway, this morning I was thinking about those fabulous people and, in particular, fabulous moms. I admire the "put together-ness", not necessarily the "fashionable-ness", though my interest in that is probably only lessened because I am so hopeless in that area. I was wondering to myself, "How do these women BECOME fabulous?"

Is it magazines? I've been treated to a handful of free Shape magazines lately (long story) and wonder if I read more magazines whether I would suddenly have fuller, shinier hair and a desire for trendy high heeled, pointy toed shoes.

I really don't know the answer. How do people learn what is fashionable?

I realized, in thinking about this, that there is a major barrier to my attaining fabulousness, which is that I don't really care that much. I don't care enough to spend time every morning flat ironing my hair and applying a level of makeup that is actually discernable to passersby. The best I can hope for is an outfit that fits, without stains, and a little bit of mascara. Luckily, my husband and children seem to like me this way!

Christmas card plundering

Last weekend, Eric and I managed to get our Christmas card and letter pile ready to mail. It is no small task trying to find decent looking pictures of all 4 of us, not to mention the fact that our Christmas card list is lengthy. This year, with our big move and Eric's promotion, we also included a letter, which we don't normally do.

Got to take a deep breath and relax once they were in the mail. Ahh... another Christmas task checked off the list!

Over the last few days, we've gotten reports from some of Eric's relatives in Colorado that their envelopes arrived open and emptied. What?

At first I suspected that the envelopes just came unglued, but we've ordered our photo cards from Costco for the last 4 years or so and have never had a problem with the envelopes opening. And, the three cards we heard about were all from relatives that live within about 10-15 miles from each other. 

Our current theory is that someone at some point decided to open our Christmas cards hoping that they would find money. How sad is that? Thankfully it appears that after tearing through 3 of our cards, they got the picture that we weren't mailing anyone money. (Though, I did think that it would be nice for us if we could afford to put money into 175 Christmas envelopes!)

I felt bad because some of the people we send cards to, people who live in Colorado and hopefully weren't affected, are people we don't talk to regularly and probably won't hear from if the envelopes were opened and emptied. People like some of Eric's teachers he is still in contact with and who we like to update with pictures of the kids.  Hopefully those letters made it through unscathed. And hopefully there is no one out there who thinks my brain is COMPLETELY empty and that I mailed empty envelopes for Christmas!