Feeling your value

Today in the Sunday School class that my husband and I are leading right now, we talked about the fear of not mattering.  What a big topic! Not mattering to God, not being important to others, not recognizing our value as unique creations of God (essentially not mattering to ourselves).

We only got halfway through our planned questions, but it was a good thing because our discussion was really great. Almost everyone in the class participated and we really got to talking about important points.

What I got out of today's discussion is that while we may have head knowledge that we matter, we are important, we are loved,  it is much more difficult to let that seep into our heart and really feel that value.  That is a struggle for me at times.  The better part of me knows I am God's child, but sometimes remembering that or really believing it is difficult.  It's the kind of change that can't be found or instilled in a one hour group discussion.  It will take lots of time in prayer, Bible study, reflection.

At first I felt like the connection between this week's chapter to the overall book theme of "fear" was pretty thin.  At the surface, it seemed more about values and what we do to make ourselves feel important. But I see a connection to fear in that struggling with self worth is similar to struggling with fear in that we can't just decide, "Hey! I am not going to fear anymore! I'm not going to be controlling anymore!"  likewise, "Today I am going to have self confidence! I decided that I am going to be important today!"  It just doesn't happen that way.

If you are reading this and you struggle with these areas, you aren't alone! I know I'm not... I pray you will remember that God created you as a unique individual, created on purpose to glorify God. I hope you continue striving towards really feeling it!

Day 13, Hey Anna!

Lesson learned after 12 days in a row of blogging: My life and thoughts are not very interesting on a daily basis.

Hey Anna! Thanks for reading my blog! =) And thanks for the pizza. Next time we can be crafty at my house. I will supply Ryan Gosling's abs.

Blogging day 13. Check.

Our "cool dude"

Last night at dinner, Little Man was asking us all sorts of complicated questions about life. What's new?

Eric asked him if he knows what a "genius" is. He didn't. So Eric told him that a genius is a person who knows a lot of things and learns things really easy. Someone whose brain is very smart.

He said, "Do you think you are a genius, Little Man?"
Little Man: "No, I'm not a genius, I'm just a super cool dude."

He continued to tell us how awesome he is. It was pretty funny.

I couldn't help thinking what a difference there is between Little Man and Big Girl, who seems to have come bursting out of the womb full of self-consciousness and low self esteem. It is one of my biggest fears and anxieties about being a mom. My Big Girl is such a perfectionist (I wonder where she gets it from... !!!) that she doubts herself at almost every turn. And she has been that way since she was an older baby. I pray all the time that she will have self confidence, and hope that as she grows up, I will be able to help her to become less self-conscious and more confident.

Entering the Political Arena

As the child of politically active parents (one of whom is in the news business), I think I am more politically aware than most of my peers.  There are plenty of political questions and ideas that I don't understand. But I actually do like watching debates. Endless debates with too many candidates and no real answers. I even enjoy debates between people I would never want to vote for.  I also enjoy cable news political commentary, reading newspaper endorsements and politics based articles.

I personally consider myself an independent.  As a Christian, it seems most of my friends consider me "liberal", though actually I am a fancy mixture of liberal and conservative.  I will admit that I was an Obama voter in 2008. I was even a donor and a t-shirt purchaser.  Like many Obama voters, I have been underwhelmed -- though I do feel that most of the "blame" for our current situation in this country comes from the prior administration, gridlock in Washington and the way-way-WAY too large role lobbying and money in general play in our government.

Let me be clear, I would consider voting for someone other than Obama this year.

I have been watching the Republican presidential hopefuls fairly closely over the past few months. I have seen most of the debates, watched as the anti-Romney candidate of the moment came and went, came and went, came and went...

I continue to be baffled by what appears to be the Republican belief that Mitt Romney is the "most electable" candidate among their presidential choices. I must misunderstand the term "electable".  With approximately 40% of the country considering themselves Independents, I have a hard time believing that any of those people would seriously consider voting for Mitt Romney after a head to head campaign against Obama.  With the Republican factions of social conservatives, Tea Party and big business pulling in different directions (with some overlap), I guess Romney must appear to be the best blend of those things... BECAUSE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER HE HAS CLAIMED ALL OF THEIR OPINIONS/INTERESTS AS HIS OWN.

Personally, I would think that the "most electable" candidate would be the one who could appeal to independent voters while also strongly addressing the economy and jobs.  If I were a strong Democrat, I would fear Jon Huntsman far and away over Romney.  Huntsman is the candidate that I could see taking weak Obama votes away.  And yet Huntsman sits at 10% of the vote, ignored by most everyone.

What a bummer this primary season is turning out to be. At least with a Republican candidate Romney, I can pull out my old Obama t-shirt for another few months!

PS -- I have come to believe that Rick Perry might be one of the dumbest politicians ever. And that is saying something.  James Carville agrees with me...

Being Sick. It kinda sucks.

I'm sick. Maybe the title of this blog says all I need to say. Now I can go back to bed.

Seriously, I dislike being sick. I know that is probably a major surprise. I woke up today with congested lungs, a headache, some good "back of the throat drainage" and tired, tired, tired.

It isn't even the sickness that is that bad. Little Man was home with me today and played contentedly on the floor of the living room while I snoozed on the couch.

The worst part is that it seems like this always happens when I get on a roll with exercising and eating well. I have been getting to the gym regularly, and eating REAL food that has made me feel energetic and just plain good. Now today, all I want is a Pepsi, some Oreo cookies and to take a long nap. Boo!

Sorry if this is the most depressing blog post in the world. In a month full of blogs, there has to be at least one, right?

Hidden Human Faces - I don't get it

I am the first to admit that I am no longer a very trendy person. My sheer lack of interest in technological advancements and ignorance about IPads, Kindles, smart phones, etc. makes me feel like a dinosaur at times. And I have no interest in current pop music.  (I always thought it was weird that my mom is knowledgable about music from the 60's and 70's and then sort of lost it mid-80's. But now I know why, she was probably too busy listening to Sesame Street and The Electric Company reruns.)

One current trend among some of my facebook friends is sharing pictures where you are supposed to look at the serene scene and then "find the hidden face".  Honestly, half the time I can't find the face to start with. I see comments like, "Awesome!" or "That is really cool!" but I can't see the face.

It seriously took me 5 minutes to find the face in this one. 

Other times, I can find the face and am underwhelmed. The face isn't hard to find. Or the face is creepy and I wish I hadn't found it.  Like this one...

If you can "find the face" in here, you will probably wish you couldn't. (And I am sure you can, because I found it and I don't "get it".) 

I guess this stuff is passed around because it is funny? Or because people like the accomplishment of finding something that is hidden? Sort of like the glee Little Man feels when he opens his big garbage truck and finds the matchbox cars he put in there last night before bed? I guess that would only work if you were the one that put the guy's face under the leaves though.

Taking a crack at Sunday School teaching

Today marked a first for me and Eric. We are now officially adult Sunday School teachers.  Both of us are licensed teachers, but when we were teachers we taught kids.

We were approached earlier this winter about teaching a class starting today.  There was a desire to have some new class leaders to diversify some of the Sunday School offerings.  So we decided to teach our class on a book I had been reading, "Fearless" by Max Lucado.  It is a good book that we thought would appeal to a wide range of people in our congregation. It also has a nice discussion guide at the end to help us plan our class.

Yesterday we finally sat down and planned out our first class.  We divided out how we are going to share the leader role and what we wanted to cover.  And I realized, I was a little nervous. Yes, I was a little bit afraid of leading a discussion group on a book about fear. Oh, the irony!

It was funny to think about.  I speak fairly regularly at church making announcements and have been a speaker for a few small women's events.  It was not the public speaking that made me nervous.  And the planning was easy.  I found myself comparing my feelings to when I used to teach Sunday School for the middle school girls at our old church. Then, I never felt nervous.  But preparing for today, I realized that I was nervous because I worried that I wouldn't measure up as a Sunday School teacher.  I wanted the people who decided to come to feel like they had made a good choice, one that was "worth it".  I worried people would think we were lame teachers.

None of that stuff matters though.  Our job as Sunday School teachers isn't to be impressive or entertaining. It is to share the information, encourage discussion and ultimately help everyone (including ourselves) learn more about God and our relationship with Him.

Today we taught our first class. And I wasn't nervous.  We had a good sized group, enough to break into smaller groups for short discussions but not too many to limit people's chance to speak if they wanted.
We covered Fearless Chapter 1 today, got through the material on time, had some good discussions and people had a chance to share and get to know each other a little bit better.

Hopefully next week everyone will be back for Chapter 2.  Eric and I have kinks to work out in the "co-leading" department, but we are looking forward to working through the book with friends.