Haan.Family.Life.Classroom

The White Room

2012-01-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

Since I've been trapped in my house for the past few days with my sick kids, I have been planning out my organizing and redecorating schemes with the help of Pinterest. I also watched an episode of Colour Confidential where the woman redid a simple bedroom with a design that seemed almost achievable for a normal person.

And so, I spent an exciting Friday night at home watching The Debt and looking around on Pinterest for bedroom colors and bedding that might give me some inspiration. I'm not talking about finding super extravagant, ridiculously expensive, architecturally stunning bedrooms. Just simple things that someone like me (not very crafty, almost negatively skilled in the artistic department, with a very meager budget) could actually attempt.

I stumbled upon a strange phenomenon: the white room. Here I am looking for fun and stylish bedding, and I keep finding white bedrooms! White furniture, white comforter. White, white, white. I notice the same thing when I look at other room ideas: office, playroom, kids bedroom. So much white!!

In my real house, we don't have any white furniture, and that is on purpose. You see, it gets dirty! I routinely curse our hideous kitchen and dining room vinyl floor because it is "white" (in quotes because it isn't actually white anymore). But we do have white trim and some white walls - the people we bought our house from painted not long before we bought the house and they seemed to really like the style of "3 walls color, 1 wall white" - almost every room in our house was that way when we bought it. Only some rooms have been painted since then.

Looking at white bedrooms and white bedding is nice. Oh so crisp and clean! But, seriously? With 2 young children? And a dog? And a husband? This will never be my house, so it isn't much inspiration.

I dare you: go on to Pinterest and type in "bedroom" in the search bar. Here are a few of the most recent pins:

I spy some green on that bed!!!

We Interrupt This Blog Post...

2012-01-26T13:43:00.000-08:00

This is an alert of the Child Sickness System. This is NOT a test.

Throw on your rain poncho and be prepared for overnight puking and waves of crying. Do NOT attempt to take Ambien to sleep, as you will be awakened multiple times by a puking child. Even your dog will puke in sympathy.

Sticky green boogers will be in abundance for the next 5-10 days. Imagination play will center around disease and medical treatment. Intermittent fevers will be spotted.

Check emergency supplies of Children's Ibuprofen, Children's Tylenol, 7Up, crackers and popsicles. Gigantic iced lattes from the expensive coffee stand down the street may be in order.

This concludes the alert of the Child Sickness System. God be with you.

Book Love

2012-01-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

I'm a part of a book club. It is actually my third book club. Right after Big Girl was born, I joined a book club associated with an attachment parenting group in my town. I was drawn to it because they met once a month and chose a wide variety of books: fiction, parenting, other non-fiction. I was introduced to In Defense of Food and Brain Child magazine.

Then a few friends who knew I was book clubbing mentioned the possibility of doing a book club among ourselves. I ended up sort of being in charge of that one. I think we only read a few books (because then I moved away), and they were pretty big fails in my mind. (If I never hear about this book again, it will be too soon. Sorry Mom.)

When we came up here to visit so that Eric could consider whether to accept his Call to become principal here, I met a few school moms at Starbucks one morning while he was doing... something. I mentioned I was in a book club, and one of the moms was all about it! So when we moved here, she and I started Book Love - a women's book club with a generic name! =)

We've been meeting every month or two for the past 2 years. There have been some big successes (The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, The Forgotten Garden, etc...) and some fails (The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. Breakfast with Buddha, etc.)

Some people join book clubs to "force" themselves to read. That is not me. I don't have any trouble with finding time to read. I like book club because it gives me a chance to hear about books I wouldn't otherwise discover, read some books that are outside of my reading comfort zone, and talk with friends about books we've read. I admit, I don't really enjoy the "book club discussion questions", I prefer a less structured talk about what everyone thought about the book. And I have gotten a chance to get to know some women a little better, which is a good benefit.

Thinking about joining a book club? You should totally do it! Even if you can't read every book or make it to every discussion, it is a perfect kind of format to pop in and out. You'll get to spend time with other book lovers and keep that brain working too!

I have to give a shout out to GoodReads, which is a great website for finding books, getting info and reviews on books you hear about, and keeping a list of books you hear about that are interesting that you want to remember to read when you have a chance!

Anxiety Days

2012-01-24T12:10:00.000-08:00

I struggle with panic and anxiety at times. Most people don't see that side of me, though I mention it occasionally. My anxiety is fairly mild, I'm not medicated and usually I can function well enough to hide it if I feel like I should. And not every day is an Anxiety Day.

But, today is. And since I'm trying to blog every day this month, it is my topic for today. I'm going to tell you about my Anxiety Days.

Usually, but not always, there is a sleep link. Last night, the later part of my sleep was disturbed. I had "stress dreams" about things that aren't actually stressing me out. I woke up having worked out the answer to a question that I didn't even realize I was thinking about. This happens sometimes and always makes me think, "I am smarter when I sleep than when I'm awake!"

My morning started as usual and today I didn't even realize it was an Anxiety Day until I got downstairs.

There was a pile of clean dishes on the kitchen counter left to dry overnight that needed to be put away. Some of Little Man's ~~junk~~ toys were on the stairs. The ordinary amount of clutter in the kitchen/dining room really bothered me.

I start to think I don't have time to put all of the dishes away, make Big Girl's lunch, make the kids breakfast, sort through the clutter, get the kids to clean up their mess, make sure everyone is dressed, hair combed, wearing socks, etc. before it is time to leave for school. I probably won't have time to make myself any breakfast! Two or three times I check my duathlon training log to see what workout I am supposed to be doing today and run through the timing of school drop off, errands and going to the gym. It feels like the kids are hovering around me, asking too many questions, talking too loudly. I am overwhelmed.

I am overwhelmed by things that are very "normal" in my life. These are things that I see, hear and do pretty much every day. And I am frozen by them today.

I check my workout plan multiple times for a few reasons. I am afraid I am going to forget today's plan. I am afraid the timing won't work out to get to the core class I need to take. And I know that going to the gym for a serious workout will help me get through today.

I check my email and cannot focus to reply. I open new windows in the middle of reading an email, but for no reason that I can recall. I answer the 2 emails that seem most pressing, that I can feel will worry me until they are answered. I am brief.

While I am sitting still, I feel the physiological anxiety signs. My shoulders are tight. I am breathing shallow breaths. My whole body is tense. I feel like my skin is twitching or "crawling". I know going to the gym will help.

I focus on one thing at a time. I make a list so I don't have to worry about forgetting what I need to try to get done today. (I should probably instead give myself permission to forget things, but I'm working on that!) I got done everything I was worried I wouldn't get done this morning AND had time for some Greek yogurt for breakfast.

I did my morning workout as planned and it has cleared my head a bit. I feel a little better. I am not home right now, and am still feeling anxious about getting home and seeing mess, clutter and messy kid rooms and playroom (and living room, and dining room, and stairs...). This is frustrating because normally these types of things don't bother me so much, and I know that it is because today is an Anxiety Day. But we will be home soon, and I will resist the urge to throw away pretty much everything in my kids rooms. Yes, I will probably actually consider that for a few moments. Seriously, it would make cleaning and finding things easier!! =)

I will finish up my day following as close to my normal routine as I can. I will try not to overwhelm myself with feelings that I am drowning in things to do, or am falling behind in my life somehow. I will be in prayer today for peace and release from feeling this way. I will probably talk to Eric about it when he gets home. Maybe I will even try to take a nap or read my new library book!

And, hopefully tomorrow I will wake up as my normal self, trip on Little Man's trucks on the stairs and feel good about the day.

When Kids Pick Their Own...

2012-01-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

One thing I have learned about myself over the past few months is that I tend to do too much for my kids. They are very smart and capable, but I am very type A and often things are just easier for me to do myself. Big Girl's kindergarten teacher told me at fall parent teacher conferences that I should encourage her independence and let her make choices, when appropriate, to develop her self esteem.

So I asked a few friends what kinds of things their 5 year olds did on their own and discovered that I hardly let/make Big Girl do ANYTHING on her own! Of course, a week or so before the PT conference, I brought in Big Girl's laundry basket with the clothes folded and sorted and asked her to put them away. You would not believe the battle of wits that ensued about that small amount of responsibility!

I have held strong and Big Girl is in charge of putting away her laundry. And both she and Little Man help dump out garbage cans on "garbage day" (this is right up Little Man's alley since he wants to be a "garbage truck man" when he grows up). I try to let her help me with dinner, and there are regular battles about who gets to help in what way with setting the table.

The easiest area for me to give up control and let the kids make choices is with their clothes and hair. Big Girl has always had a very unique style. And I don't take their outfits seriously - I know some moms probably think that their kids clothing is a reflection on their parenting, but I don't feel that way. I love that they express themselves with their clothes.

Yesterday I learned that my acceptance of this quirky self expression has limits. There are SOME limits already -- Little Man knows that when he picks clothes for church he is supposed to pick "a shirt with buttons". Big Girl knows that we prefer she pick clothes out of her closet for church.

Friday was my great-aunt's 90th birthday. She is very wealthy and very put together. Her nails are always done, she always "dresses to go out", etc. And, unlike me, she gets concerned if I bring the kids over for lunch at her retirement center and they aren't looking 'their best'. So, last night we had dinner reservations with my mom and great aunt to celebrate her birthday. We asked the kids to get dressed to see Noni, which they know means they should look "fancy", while Eric and I got dressed.

So first Big Girl comes in with clips across the front of her bangs. And she wanted a half ponytail with curly hair tendrils hanging free. I helped do her hair the way she asked, but basically her hair looked like a giant bird's nest with multicolor clips all across the front of her hair. I suggested we just brush her hair out because that is the way Noni likes it best, and she was in tears.

As I started to follow her to her room, out comes Little Man from his bedroom. He dutifully put on a shirt with buttons and "school pants", but also one of Big Girl's 2 inch wide turquoise blue cloth headbands. (Yes, we will let him wear funny headbands and even nail polish on his toes.) I ended up getting sidetracked trying to convince him to take off the headband for Noni. (He did eventually remove it in favor of a trucker style Cars 2 hat, which he wore but removed at dinner.)

In the meantime, poor Eric handled Big Girl and the hair drama. I headed downstairs thinking we might actually be on time to pick Noni up for dinner. And then, down came Little Man. Wearing lipstick. Over pretty much every part of his face below his nose. "I put on Big Girl's chapstick!" he said proudly.

Thank you to whoever gave Big Girl tinted chapstick for Christmas. Oh wait, that was me!!

I got a death glare from Little Man as I frantically tried to scrub the lipstick/tinted chapstick off of his face, lovingly explaining why having lipstick all over his face was not a good idea when we were going to take Noni to her birthday dinner.

And finally, everyone was put together, we made it to the car and actually picked Noni up within 5 minutes of the time we were supposed to be there. Ahh... success!

Vote by Mail - blah blah blah

2012-01-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

Presidential primary season is in full swing and soon we will all be inundated with political ads to the point of nausea by our Republican candidate, the Obama campaign and a ridiculous number of SuperPACs and whoever else.

I love politics! And I used to really love voting. But not so much anymore.

I grew up near Chicago, which has an "interesting" voting history. You know, your dead pet can vote there! =) I still remember the first time I got to vote. I went with my mom to a church near our house that was set up as our local polling place. We drove there, parked in the parking lot, went inside. I am sure I showed my ID or maybe my voter registration card. Someone marked my name off a list and gave me a ballot. I went into a booth, pulled the curtain, put the ballot in the machine and poked holes for my nominees. (This was way back in the age of walking up hill both ways to school, before hanging chads and electronic voting.) When I was done, someone gave me a sticker that said I VOTED TODAY! And I wore it with pride.

Can't you feel the excited energy!

In the fall of 2000, I was living in Ann Arbor, Michigan, attending the UofM School of Social Work. I saw Ralph Nadar speak. I voted absentee in Illinois, my first experience with 'mail in' voting. I remember watching the 2000 Presidential election returns with a handful of Social Work grad students and another handful of teenagers at the teen drop in center where I was interning.

And then a few years later I moved. To Oregon. Did you know that Oregon was the first state in the country to go to a "mail in only" ballot for elections? I didn't know that when I moved there, and I would guess that most people aren't even aware that your quirky Pacific NW states vote this way! Because, yes, in the past few years Washington has also become a "mail in only" state. (Though maybe not officially so, because Washington cancelled our Republican primary this year and we will be having caucuses instead. I don't think a "mail in only caucus" would work very well!)

I guess there are numerous benefits to mail in only voting. The primary one has got to be financial. It saves the state a lot of money. As a voter though, I hate it.

Here's how we vote out here in wacky land:

A few weeks before "election day", your ballot comes in the mail, along with a gigantic mailed with what are essentially paid ads/position statements by candidates, and another with paid position statements on the various ballot meausres to be voted on. If you are a responsible, type A person, you read the ~~thrilling~~ mind numbing mailer, and then remove your ballot from multiple envelopes. You color in the oval next to the candidates you want, being sure to completely fill in the oval, just like you did when you took the SAT 100 years ago. And make that mark dark, for goodness sakes! [For those of you who are not responsible or Type A, you sit your ballot in the pile of mail waiting to be opened and forget about it until just before or possibly after the voting deadline.]

You put your ballot in an evelope. Sign it. Put it in another envelope.

Here's where it gets exciting...

You put a stamp on the envelope and put it in the mail. Done! You just voted in Oregon or Washington!

Oh, and you probably did that well before the actual election day.

Who needs the buildup and tension that leads up to the actual election day? Just vote 10 days before and get it over with. At least that way those annoying phone calls stop once the rolls show that you have already voted.

But, a word of caution, if you vote too soon, you may be sorry! If you vote and your candidate does something stupid, you can't get that ballot back.

People who are used to voting by mail generally seem to think it's a good idea. You don't have to make time in your day to go somewhere to vote. If it is raining, you don't have to *gasp* go outside in the rain! But as someone who has voted using both methods, it is so much more fun to vote in person, to experience the energy and build up to that one day where everyone goes out to vote. Plus, you get to wear a sticker!

Queen of hidden clutter

2012-01-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

I resisted New Years resolutions this year, but have been thinking about setting some "around the house" goals to get me more organized and make me feel better about our home. Our house isn't regularly an embarrassing mess - I admit that I could be better about dusting and mopping, but we are pretty good as a family about not leaving tons of clutter and stuff all of the place. But, I have a hidden secret. Literally, hidden.

I am a cabinet and closet clutterer.

If you walk into my kitchen, it seems relatively clean and put together. Open a cabinet, however, and who knows how many pans, tupperware containers or paper cups may fall on you. Hutch? same. Hall closet? Same. Garage? same.

So, I am setting a goal for myself that this year I am going to organize my storage clutter around the house. And I'm not going to be grand and say "I'm going to do it in 1 day!" I am going to try to do one location a month! Easy! These are the kinds of jobs where I quit before I begin because it seems like an enormous task, but really when you get into it, it doesn't take long. And it feels good to finish! And to open your kitchen cabinet and not have every pan you own slide out on to your foot! (Or your husband's foot)

Some areas that will be un-cluttered and organized this year:

* "stuff" baskets on the floating office shelf
* entry closet
* kitchen cabinets - ALL OF THEM
* hutch cabinet
* garage (though Eric will most definitely get to this one before I do since it bothers him more)
* my dresser
* playroom toys!!
* upstairs linen closet
* laundry room
* backyard storage container

And, while I'm at it, a few other around the house things I'd like to tackle this year:

* throw away this thing, which has been sitting in pieces in our side yard for about a year now
* build and actually use 2 raised planters from our awesome landscape design plan
* paint the playroom/guest room

Snow Day!

2012-01-19T16:14:00.000-08:00

Today we had our annual school's cancelled, snow day. Where we live we get measurable snow about once a year (this statement based on the whopping 2.5 winters we have lived here). Yes, we live in a place where it hardly ever snows, so when it does people FREAK OUT and everything is cancelled. (I am from Chicago, so I'm kind of a "I can handle the winter driving" snob, though I definitely defer to my Denver-raised husband.)

In short, I am the middle person here:

And I am slowly becoming that totally bald ~~guy~~ whatever-it-is on the left.

My kids are loving having a day off of school, though Big Girl was a little upset about missing kindergarten today. And they were both pretty mad at mom last night that I wouldn't drive them 10 miles to swim lessons. I told a "mom-lie" and said lessons were cancelled, even though I think technically they weren't. But, trust me, no one was there.

We spent today playing in the snow/sleet. Snow play started in the backyard, with Little Man using my scraper/brush to clean the play structure. And the pine tree. And the patio table. And the worker trucks. Big Girl is more like I was as a kid. She takes FOR-EH-VER to get all of her winter stuff on, all the while insisting we wait for her, and then after about 5 minutes starts whining about being cold and goes back inside to cry. (This would be harsh, except I totally acknowledge being the same way.)

Then we moved out front for some sledding fun. One nice thing about having a vacant house on our street is that said vacant house has a pretty steep driveway perfect for a short little kid sledding session. We spent some time sledding and throwing snow at each other. Same thing repeated again this afternoon. Big Girl = big, overly emotional drama fest. Pathetically standing in the office with the window cracked open saying, "Mama? When are you and Little Man going to come inside?" Me and Little Man kicking and throwing snow like crazy people.

Then Little Man asked me to "sled" him. So I walked him up and down the street a few times. Then I thought I should be more fun than this, like his Daddy probably would be. And I got this insane idea to try to run [in my snow boots that are a size and a half too big with one insole that is all bunched up] down the street [unplowed of course] pulling Little Man on the sled in probably 4-6 inches of snow.

I made it up and down our street for two laps and then I felt like this:

I am very thankful that Little Man only weighs about 35lbs. And that our house is warm. And that we are having chicken pot pie for dinner!

Movie Review: The Ides of March

2012-01-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

Eric and I just watched The Ides of March, a new political drama with a whole bunch of actors we really like: George Clooney, Paul Giamatti, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ryan Gosling.

Short plot summary: Stephen (Ryan Gosling) is an up and coming campaign media manager working alongside campaign manager Paul (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) in the presidential campaign of Governor Morris (George Clooney). The race between Morris and Pullman is tight - think Obama/Clinton from 4 years ago. The polls in Ohio, the next primary, are too close to call. There is a key endorsement up for grabs. Tom Duffy (Paul Giamatti) is the campaign manager for rival candidate Pullman. When Duffy contacts Stephen about jumping ship and joining the Pullman campaign, basically all hell breaks loose. Stephen receives some information about the Pullman strategy that doesn't look good for his candidate. Will he remain loyal to Morris and Paul, even though he begins to doubt Morris's character? Will he flip to the surging campaign?

Thoughts: About 20 minutes into this, Eric said, "So, instead of watching real news people and political people go on and on and on about real presidential candidates, we're watching a movie with fake people doing basically the same thing?" With that, he took out his laptop and spent the rest of the movie surfing the internet. Since I'm a political junkie, I like the movie. I understood the message of the film. I liked it, but I didn't think it was the best movie I've ever seen.

Oh, yeah. Did I mention Ryan Gosling was there? In the "reading in bed the morning after sex" scene, he was wearing an undershirt. I think this was a subtle, or not so subtle, "this is a serious movie so Ryan Gosling's abs probably shouldn't be prominent" act. In Crazy Stupid Love or The Notebook, you can bet we wouldn't gotten some ab action!

My rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. The movie was "pretty", the script was good, the music helped the tension, the acting was good. It missed really grabbing me and keeping me enthralled. Maybe a few peeks at the Gosling abs would have helped!

The Embarrassing Parent

2012-01-17T21:15:00.000-08:00

My kids aren't old enough yet for me to be embarrassing to them. Sure, we have already had our share of dramatic flouncing teenage girl angst from Big Girl. She started the "I hate you!", stomp to her room and slam the door, move sometime around her 2nd birthday. We'll be in trouble a few years from now.

Tonight on facebook a friend I went to college with posted about waving to his elementary school daughter while she was at recess, making fun of himself because his daughter did not return the wave or acknowledge him. "Well, I guess I have officially become the embarrassing dad. This will come in handy when she is a teenager."

The thought reminded me of my own dad, back in the middle school or early high school years. I remember our family walking through the mall and him suddenly speaking really loudly in a horrible Australian accent. Or ordering in restaurants with a bad accent. If I remember right, he even spoke pretend sign language on at least one occasion. Of course, I was mortified, though I probably also found it funny. I remember my mom acting embarrassed too. I wonder if she really was, or if that was part of the "show"?

And I wonder what silly things Eric and I will do that will embarrass our kids someday. I hope it is something fun like that. I'll have to work on something like this...

Potty Poop, an update

2012-01-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

2 days in a row of Little Man pooping in the potty! Hooray!

The first thing he said after he went?

"Now, take a picture of it for Daddy. Then call my teacher."

What my life has become

2012-01-16T18:48:00.000-08:00

Not that I had a fascinating life before kids, but I am realizing tonight how far into MommyZone I have descended. As I have probably mentioned before, Little Man, who turned 4 in the fall, still refuses to poop in the potty. The struggle has been intensified since he finally potty trained this summer, just in time to start preschool. But he wears a diaper to poop. He will actually ASK for a diaper, or ask to take a nap, so he can access his diaper and poop in it.

After talking to friends, searching the internet, reading some books and a visit with the pediatrician, we have tried "everything" to get him to poop in the potty. He pees on the potty, so he isn't afraid the potty is going to eat him. He flushes the potty, so he isn't afraid of the sound. He knows when he has to poop.

We've tried bribery, charts, regularly sitting him on the potty, begging, laxatives and withholding his diaper. The last time we withheld the diapers (October), he didn't poop for 4 days until I relented and gave them back. Didn't want him to end up hospitalized or something from impacted poop!

The pediatrician told me in November I just need to let it go. "Eventually every kid potty trains and gives up diapers." True. But easier said than done. I've been dealing with diapers since 2006. Disposable for his sister, cloth for him, and now disposable for him because he's been in them so long that he used them to death! I just want to be done. And I want my kid to poop in the potty of just being a stubborn... well, stubborn stubborn-head. The pediatrician also said that it is about control and that as long as Little Man has any sense that I am trying to push him into pooping on the potty, he appears to be resisting me. So, therefore, I need to eliminate the power struggle.

So since early November, I've been practicing "letting it go" and not caring that my 4 year old still poops in diapers. And I have to clean it up.

On Friday, Little Man had a particularly disgusting post-nap diaper. As I gagged and cleaned him up, an idea struck! I told Little Man that if he pooped in his diaper from now on, he would be responsible to clean himself up. That Mama is done cleaning up poopy diaper butts.

His response: complete RAGE. (And, if you know Little Man, rage actually doesn't happen that often.)
He stomped around and shouted about how he would NOT clean his poopy butt. But I held firm.

So that was Friday and today is Monday. We are on day 3 of no poop, because of course now that pooping in the diaper has apparently been taken away as an option, he is holding it again. (The reaction definitely makes me wonder if the "dealing with the cleanup" may be part of the interest in still pooping in diapers.)

Yesterday, Little Man actually agreed to try to poop on the potty a few times. Even this is an improvement. We spent 40 minutes in the bathroom last night, counting. And then shouting "Poop! You come out! Go into the potty!" and then making exaggerated pushing sounds and faces. But no poop.

Tonight though... VICTORY!!!

YES! My Little Man pooped in the potty!!

Wanna know what I did first?

I took a picture of the poop and text messaged it to his Daddy! (Since he was presenting his school budget to the school board, I'm sure he appreciated turning on his phone to find a picture of a giant poop!)

Then we called his teacher so he could say, "This is Little Man. I pooped in the potty. Hooray! Goodbye!"

And then I realized, there is something wrong with me. I TOOK A PICTURE OF MY SON'S POOP IN THE POTTY! And I don't even care! He pooped! In the potty!

Hooray!

Feeling your value

2012-01-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

Today in the Sunday School class that my husband and I are leading right now, we talked about the fear of not mattering. What a big topic! Not mattering to God, not being important to others, not recognizing our value as unique creations of God (essentially not mattering to ourselves).

We only got halfway through our planned questions, but it was a good thing because our discussion was really great. Almost everyone in the class participated and we really got to talking about important points.

What I got out of today's discussion is that while we may have head knowledge that we matter, we are important, we are loved, it is much more difficult to let that seep into our heart and really feel that value. That is a struggle for me at times. The better part of me knows I am God's child, but sometimes remembering that or really believing it is difficult. It's the kind of change that can't be found or instilled in a one hour group discussion. It will take lots of time in prayer, Bible study, reflection.

At first I felt like the connection between this week's chapter to the overall book theme of "fear" was pretty thin. At the surface, it seemed more about values and what we do to make ourselves feel important. But I see a connection to fear in that struggling with self worth is similar to struggling with fear in that we can't just decide, "Hey! I am not going to fear anymore! I'm not going to be controlling anymore!" likewise, "Today I am going to have self confidence! I decided that I am going to be important today!" It just doesn't happen that way.

If you are reading this and you struggle with these areas, you aren't alone! I know I'm not... I pray you will remember that God created you as a unique individual, created on purpose to glorify God. I hope you continue striving towards really feeling it!

Day 13, Hey Anna!

2012-01-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

Lesson learned after 12 days in a row of blogging: My life and thoughts are not very interesting on a daily basis.

Hey Anna! Thanks for reading my blog! =) And thanks for the pizza. Next time we can be crafty at my house. I will supply Ryan Gosling's abs.

Blogging day 13. Check.

Our "cool dude"

2012-01-12T18:29:00.000-08:00

Last night at dinner, Little Man was asking us all sorts of complicated questions about life. What's new?

Eric asked him if he knows what a "genius" is. He didn't. So Eric told him that a genius is a person who knows a lot of things and learns things really easy. Someone whose brain is very smart.

He said, "Do you think you are a genius, Little Man?"
Little Man: "No, I'm not a genius, I'm just a super cool dude."

He continued to tell us how awesome he is. It was pretty funny.

I couldn't help thinking what a difference there is between Little Man and Big Girl, who seems to have come bursting out of the womb full of self-consciousness and low self esteem. It is one of my biggest fears and anxieties about being a mom. My Big Girl is such a perfectionist (I wonder where she gets it from... !!!) that she doubts herself at almost every turn. And she has been that way since she was an older baby. I pray all the time that she will have self confidence, and hope that as she grows up, I will be able to help her to become less self-conscious and more confident.

Entering the Political Arena

2012-01-11T19:55:00.000-08:00

As the child of politically active parents (one of whom is in the news business), I think I am more politically aware than most of my peers. There are plenty of political questions and ideas that I don't understand. But I actually do like watching debates. Endless debates with too many candidates and no real answers. I even enjoy debates between people I would never want to vote for. I also enjoy cable news political commentary, reading newspaper endorsements and politics based articles.

I personally consider myself an independent. As a Christian, it seems most of my friends consider me "liberal", though actually I am a fancy mixture of liberal and conservative. I will admit that I was an Obama voter in 2008. I was even a donor and a t-shirt purchaser. Like many Obama voters, I have been underwhelmed -- though I do feel that most of the "blame" for our current situation in this country comes from the prior administration, gridlock in Washington and the way-way-WAY too large role lobbying and money in general play in our government.

Let me be clear, I would consider voting for someone other than Obama this year.

I have been watching the Republican presidential hopefuls fairly closely over the past few months. I have seen most of the debates, watched as the anti-Romney candidate of the moment came and went, came and went, came and went...

I continue to be baffled by what appears to be the Republican belief that Mitt Romney is the "most electable" candidate among their presidential choices. I must misunderstand the term "electable". With approximately 40% of the country considering themselves Independents, I have a hard time believing that any of those people would seriously consider voting for Mitt Romney after a head to head campaign against Obama. With the Republican factions of social conservatives, Tea Party and big business pulling in different directions (with some overlap), I guess Romney must appear to be the best blend of those things... BECAUSE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER HE HAS CLAIMED ALL OF THEIR OPINIONS/INTERESTS AS HIS OWN.

Personally, I would think that the "most electable" candidate would be the one who could appeal to independent voters while also strongly addressing the economy and jobs. If I were a strong Democrat, I would fear Jon Huntsman far and away over Romney. Huntsman is the candidate that I could see taking weak Obama votes away. And yet Huntsman sits at 10% of the vote, ignored by most everyone.

What a bummer this primary season is turning out to be. At least with a Republican candidate Romney, I can pull out my old Obama t-shirt for another few months!

PS -- I have come to believe that Rick Perry might be one of the dumbest politicians ever. And that is saying something. James Carville agrees with me...

Being Sick. It kinda sucks.

2012-01-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. Maybe the title of this blog says all I need to say. Now I can go back to bed.

Seriously, I dislike being sick. I know that is probably a major surprise. I woke up today with congested lungs, a headache, some good "back of the throat drainage" and tired, tired, tired.

It isn't even the sickness that is that bad. Little Man was home with me today and played contentedly on the floor of the living room while I snoozed on the couch.

The worst part is that it seems like this always happens when I get on a roll with exercising and eating well. I have been getting to the gym regularly, and eating REAL food that has made me feel energetic and just plain good. Now today, all I want is a Pepsi, some Oreo cookies and to take a long nap. Boo!

Sorry if this is the most depressing blog post in the world. In a month full of blogs, there has to be at least one, right?

Hidden Human Faces - I don't get it

2012-01-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

I am the first to admit that I am no longer a very trendy person. My sheer lack of interest in technological advancements and ignorance about IPads, Kindles, smart phones, etc. makes me feel like a dinosaur at times. And I have no interest in current pop music. (I always thought it was weird that my mom is knowledgable about music from the 60's and 70's and then sort of lost it mid-80's. But now I know why, she was probably too busy listening to Sesame Street and The Electric Company reruns.)

One current trend among some of my facebook friends is sharing pictures where you are supposed to look at the serene scene and then "find the hidden face". Honestly, half the time I can't find the face to start with. I see comments like, "Awesome!" or "That is really cool!" but I can't see the face.

It seriously took me 5 minutes to find the face in this one.

Other times, I can find the face and am underwhelmed. The face isn't hard to find. Or the face is creepy and I wish I hadn't found it. Like this one...

If you can "find the face" in here, you will probably wish you couldn't. (And I am sure you can, because I found it and I don't "get it".)

I guess this stuff is passed around because it is funny? Or because people like the accomplishment of finding something that is hidden? Sort of like the glee Little Man feels when he opens his big garbage truck and finds the matchbox cars he put in there last night before bed? I guess that would only work if you were the one that put the guy's face under the leaves though.

Taking a crack at Sunday School teaching

2012-01-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

Today marked a first for me and Eric. We are now officially adult Sunday School teachers. Both of us are licensed teachers, but when we were teachers we taught kids.

We were approached earlier this winter about teaching a class starting today. There was a desire to have some new class leaders to diversify some of the Sunday School offerings. So we decided to teach our class on a book I had been reading, "Fearless" by Max Lucado. It is a good book that we thought would appeal to a wide range of people in our congregation. It also has a nice discussion guide at the end to help us plan our class.

Yesterday we finally sat down and planned out our first class. We divided out how we are going to share the leader role and what we wanted to cover. And I realized, I was a little nervous. Yes, I was a little bit afraid of leading a discussion group on a book about fear. Oh, the irony!

It was funny to think about. I speak fairly regularly at church making announcements and have been a speaker for a few small women's events. It was not the public speaking that made me nervous. And the planning was easy. I found myself comparing my feelings to when I used to teach Sunday School for the middle school girls at our old church. Then, I never felt nervous. But preparing for today, I realized that I was nervous because I worried that I wouldn't measure up as a Sunday School teacher. I wanted the people who decided to come to feel like they had made a good choice, one that was "worth it". I worried people would think we were lame teachers.

None of that stuff matters though. Our job as Sunday School teachers isn't to be impressive or entertaining. It is to share the information, encourage discussion and ultimately help everyone (including ourselves) learn more about God and our relationship with Him.

Today we taught our first class. And I wasn't nervous. We had a good sized group, enough to break into smaller groups for short discussions but not too many to limit people's chance to speak if they wanted.
We covered Fearless Chapter 1 today, got through the material on time, had some good discussions and people had a chance to share and get to know each other a little bit better.

Hopefully next week everyone will be back for Chapter 2. Eric and I have kinks to work out in the "co-leading" department, but we are looking forward to working through the book with friends.

A Year of Dates

2012-01-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

Today is my husband's birthday and it looks like his gift is a success!!

I have been working for the past few weeks to plan a year of dates for us, with inspiration from This Blog. My gift is essentially pre-planning fun times for us to spend together, once a month. 8 or 9 of the dates are activities we have never done before. I spent a lot of time digging around for ideas and also asked some of our friends who have lived here a lot longer than we have. Considering we probably only went out on 3 or 4 dates all of last year, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I was planning to blog about this today and include a list of all of the fun dates we have planned. But my husband is not like me and he actually did not open every envelope right away to find out what the dates are! (I seriously can't even believe it. I can barely not tell him right now!)

So since the dates are still a mystery, I am going to share our January date: the 2012 Portland International Auto Show. This isn't really a mystery or surprise date because we already planned to go back. My husband used to go every year, and I have gone with him since we started dating, but we have missed the auto show for the last two years. But this year we will go! Especially because there are tickets in the date envelope, so now if we don't go, we wasted the money. (Nothing will convince us to conquer exhaustion or sickness for a day trip adventure like the threat of wasting $24!)

I will update post-date with how things went and add our dates as we go along!

Birthday weekend!

2012-01-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

My husband's birthday is tomorrow! Mine was last month and I have to say that I'm more excited about his birthday than I was about mine. Does this say something about me? There are some surprises in store for the weekend that I am super excited about. With my own birthday, I didn't have the same anticipation. Not that my birthday wasn't fun and good. Other people's birthdays are just more fun for me! Is everyone like this? Have I crossed the line from "young" to "not so young" now that I am over the attention of having a birthday and all of the hullabaloo(!!)?

Happy birthday to Eric tomorrow! May his ~~31st~~ 33rd birthday and the coming year be an amazing one!

"Birthdays... I hate them, but I love them. Have an X-ellent one, Eric."

"Take in the fact that I just did that!"

Why do you work out?

2012-01-05T12:44:00.000-08:00

I went to the gym this morning, nervous for my first ever Les Mills RPM (spinning) class. I have been on a spinning bike for interval training, but have never actually taken a full spin class. And I was scared.

By the way, I just did a google search to try to find a picture of people taking a spinning class. Every one I found had people smiling. I didn't feel like that was a good representation of what happened today. Other than smiling people spinning, the search for some reason also turned up a whole bunch of pictures of Bob Harper.

Since I am posting this, it is no mystery that I survived. But I will admit that within the first 30 minutes of the 55 minute class, I did think once or twice that there was actually a possibility I might throw up. (Of course I ended up on a bike just behind some kind of super-biking chick who actually out biked the instructors and didn't break a sweat.) By 40 minutes, I was having some serious leg fatigue and wondered if I would even be able to walk back out of the gym to get Little Man from Kids Club. I envisioned stepping off the bike and just crumbling down on to the ground. With 5 minutes to go, we were doing hills and my legs pretty much just stopped working all together. The coordination and strength were gone.

But I survived! Was able to walk to Kids Club, and now, 3 hours later, the soreness has set in. In the meantime though, I felt good. I disliked pretty much every one of the 55 minutes I was on the bike, but now find myself thinking I should go back again next week. It was a good workout, and I feel weak now which means I might feel strong tomorrow (if I can actually move my legs).

That got me to thinking about a friend who is some kind of warrior superwoman. She runs almost every day at an ungodly hour, like 3 or 4am, and distances that require serious training and effort. Tomorrow she told me she is going to the 1 hour weight training class (BodyPump) and immediately after to RPM. And I don't know but she's probably running in the morning too. First I was thinking, "How in the world can she spend an hour lifting weights and still be able to do all of the leg work of a spinning class?" It has to be conditioning.

So in the great winding ladder of my mind, I then thought, "Why would someone do that to themself?" Why would anyone in their right mind choose to work out for 2-3 hours 5 or 6 days a week? (And, for ease, I'm going to lump those who are NOT in their right mind along with professional athletes, models and other people whose livelihood depend on them being in optimal physical condition.)

So here are some possible reason I thought of, though I fully intend to ask my friend the next time I see her what the real answer is.

* Exercise as hobby
* Exercise as weight loss tool
* Exercise towards some other goal
* Exercise as part of healthy lifestyle

I am not an exercising super woman. I try to work out 3-5 times a week for up to an hour. Sometimes I get into a routine and will go stretches of doing an hour a day, 5 days a week. Sometimes much less.

Why do I do it?

For me, exercise is fun. I generally enjoy being active and working out. It helps me to feel healthy and strong. Exercise is also critical for me in terms of stress release and anxiety reduction. I have a lot more trouble with anxiety and insomnia if I'm not working out regularly. I also like to set a goal and train towards it to mix things up every now and then. (Hence the spinning class because I'm hoping to do a run/bike/run duathlon this spring.) For me, weight loss isn't really what exercise is about. I actually tend to put weight on if I am exercising more often. The unfairness of that is for another time.

And so, dear reader, if you exercise, why do you do it?

Yeah Baby! Socks!!

2012-01-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

I spent my birthday gift certificate to our big local running store today. I got my first pair of knee-high compression socks!! As much as I cannot believe I am even saying this, I am actually excited about them. My friends who are "real" runners rave about them, and I hope they will help the calf tightness that I have to run through pretty much every time I run.

The best part of my running store experience today was the manager helping me with the socks. In my size, they only had black. Not white. He was trying very hard to convince me that I would like the black ones (because some people think "Hey, the white ones will just get dusty anyway!"). He didn't have to try hard. First, my legs are pasty white, even in the summer, so white knee high socks probably wouldn't be cute on me. Second, black is slimming, right? Third, I have delighted in my small but growing reputation for running in non-matching running clothes. I like colorful running clothes, and I like clothes that fit me and are comfortable. And affordable (i.e. on clearance). So if they fit those criteria, I will buy them and I will wear them even if I end up in a blue tank and blue running skirt and the blues are close to but not the same color. I guess I am not to worried about matching when I'm trying to survive the actually running part.

Now I get to throw my big, black knee high compression socks into the mix!! I'm not running again until Saturday, but I'm actually almost looking forward to it!

Note to self: next time I go to the running store, do not go immediately after finishing a run. Nothing like trying on new socks after peeling off sweaty, hot, just run in socks right in front of the manager. I'm sure he was thinking, "Damn right, you're buying those!"

I triple love dare you!

2012-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

For my birthday in December, one of my gifts from my husband was the book The Love Dare. Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a book that encourages you to work on your marriage. It should come with a post it note attached that says "Hint! Hint!"

Seriously, I appreciated the thought -- that closeness and communication in the middle of really busy lives is a good thing.

We started the Love Dare yesterday. So now it's "day two" and I have to say that I'm patting myself on the back a little bit because I feel like I'm acing the Love Dare challenge. Day 1 focused on patience. I think typically I don't have serious problems with this in my marriage. I don't regularly explode at my husband or freak out at him about stuff. Day 2 (today) is about kindness. There were a few illustrations of what kindness 'looks like' in a marriage, and what unkindness looks like. Again, I feel pretty good about where we are. I supposed eventually the "dare" will get harder.

In the meantime, I got kind of a slap in the face yesterday when I realized that I probably should be Love Daring my kids instead of my husband. I am not nearly as patient with my kids as I am with my husband. I'm ashamed to admit that is true. I am much more likely to lose my patience with them, to forget that they are just young children, to expect unrealistic things from them.

So I've decided I'm doing a triple love dare, at least when the dares are kid appropriate. Closeness and communication family wide is a good thing to work towards, even when it means being patient while my kids destroy the house playing "dolphin swims" in the living room, or when Little Man is still refusing to poop in the potty even though he is 4 years old.

All about the binders

2012-01-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

I have an unnatural love for binders. I think I love binders so much that other people (besides my husband) might actually be aware of my binder-love. If not, I guess I am outing myself today.

I have a lot of binders already, but created a few more during the past two days.

The first fabulous binder is for meal planning. I love Clean Eating Magazine and their regular budget friendly dinner feature. And their 2 week meal plan. LOVE! The problem has been keeping them accessible for cooking. So yesterday I spent part of the day tearing all of these meals and ideas out of all of my magazines. Yes, they are now in a binder!! I'm using clean page protector sheets to hold the dinner recipes for the week. Easy to see, protected from cooking related mayhem. I think I like it.

Binder two: bills and receipts. My husband's tax situation is "special" (in the way that "special" implies that I hate the complicated and outside-of-the-majority way we have to do his taxes). We have to keep all our house related bills and any receipts related to the house or household for taxes. Usually what happens is I throw all of that C-R-A-P into a basket until the pile becomes so heavy that I cannot lift said basket, then I curse about it for awhile, then I spend 2 nights sitting on the floor filing all of it until my butt goes numb. Not anymore!! My new binder has month tabs so when the bills come, they will be three hole punched and put straight into the binder. So far it isn't fancy, but I'm already envisioning my brand new life next year at this time when I get to skip the routine described above and I can just pull out the binder and be done with it. *angels singing from a divine light* There is also an envelope in the binder for all of the receipts that have to be saved. Love it!

And last, today's binder. It's name is... my name! Complicated, I know. Inside I'm keeping our family calendar, my half marathon training plan, the class schedule for my gym and the movies showing in the cinema room, and a few other pages that I regularly check in with.

I used some of the leftover scrapbook paper from our teacher gift project so now all of the binders are cutesy and matchy, but not all the same. The only thing better than binders are pretty binders.

Beginnings 2012

2012-01-01T19:41:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of 2012. I have to admit, I am a New Years Grinch. There is no traumatic story involved, and I don't *think* my heart is three sizes too small. I just find the whole thing anti-climactic. As someone who doesn't stay up late and doesn't enjoy drinking in excess, NYE seems like a big effort for... not that much. I am pretty neutral about fireworks, don't like crowds, and am not a fan of watching crowds and fireworks on television. Bah-humbug.

This new year is kind of a sham. I did not earn my New Years badge this year. My family didn't send out a Christmas card and letter. We packed up our Christmas stuff early because our tree dried out really fast. Fail.

I also am not creating new years "resolutions" this year. Last year's, immortalized in this blog post, ended up being pathetic efforts (other than running Ragnar which was AWESOME!). So this year I'm still aiming for the same. The theme for the year will be SIMPLIFY.

And now I will start the year off right by totally blowing my own goal. I am going to be participating in NaBloPoMo -- National Blog Posting Month. [I'm new to the whole thing, but am perplexed because in a few minutes of looking around at the website it appears that EVERY month is blog posting month???]
That's right - I'm setting a goal to blog every day in January.

Look I did it! Day 1... done!

I Made Stuff! Successfully!

2011-12-22T14:25:00.000-08:00

It's been more than a month since I last wrote. All I can say about that is our family has survived a very busy time and it is with a sigh of relief that Christmas vacation began this afternoon. Oh, and the sound of 2 overly tired children screaming at each other about which top goes on which playdoh container. See the family picture up at the top of this blog? Imagine that for the last 4 weeks that is me screaming, "I am going INSAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!"

Oh, and I turned 34 this week! We found a new cupcake bakery nearby and had a Cupcake Wars style date night.

But, today I'm going to talk about making stuff. Because I did that! A month or two ago (or maybe it was last year for how horrible my sense of the passage of time has been lately), I was invited to be a part of a facebook group of local friends who love Pinterest and want to get together to make projects they found there. The only problem? I didn't really know what Pinterest was. Apparently someone got the mistaken impression that I am crafty and/or have some kind of artistic ability. I can bake and do some minimal sewing, but artistic ability and craftiness don't reside in this body. I'm a joiner though, so I made a Pinterest page and started looking at people's pins.

And then Christmas time was suddenly here! And I was one of two parents in charge of the kindergarten Christmas party! And I wanted to find something cute, useful and a little bit unique for the 4 teachers that have so wonderfully taught my kids so far this year. But there is a budget to consider, unfortunately, along with my aforementioned lack of crafting ability and not a lot of time. But then I found the perfect thing!!

These were done by someone who is crafty.

What teacher wouldn't like something like this? A post-it note stand. Personalized! So we did a little shopping, picked out some fun scrapbooking paper, ribbons, flower embelishments, alphabet stickers, post-it notes and plastic picture frames. And then I thought "I have a whole tub of random buttons!" So the kids were actually able to give input into the gift. They picked out their paper (we used two different pieces for front and back plus a third for their "made for you by ____" tag on the back). They got to pick the ribbon and embellishments.

And, here is how they turned out!

I actually made these!!

I can't even tell you how excited I was about how they turned out. And so far it sounds like the teachers really like them. I have supplies left over to make more, so if you want one, wink my way and I'll see what I can do!

So then I was on a Pinterest roll! I ended up digging around to find some snack ideas for our Christmas party. I ended up making two things I found on there.

The first was this. Apple slice with natural peanut butter, oats, dark chocolate chips and chopped pecans. Mine were not quite as cute as these, but they fit the bill for what I was looking for: kind of fancy looking but also healthy. (This photo is not mine and these are not the ones I made)

And then I made these!!

So easy and also cute!! Square pretzels with a Hershey's "Hug" on top, warmed in the oven for about 5 minutes. Put an M&M on top. Take the pan outside where it is freezing (or put it in the refrigerator). About 10 minutes later, they're done! Easy to transport, easy to throw on a plate, taste yummy and are festive looking. And SIMPLE!

Whew!! My "making" for this year has been all used up in a matter of a week. It's time for me to take a nap. =)

Merry Christmas!!

First Snow!!

2011-11-19T09:47:00.000-08:00

Snow!!!

As a Chicagoan transplanted to dry Eastern Washington, this is the time of year where I get to laugh while people stress out about an inch or two of snow. It's happening today!!

The kids are thrilled to see snowflakes and play in the light dusting we received this morning. They insisted I find their snow pants, boots, mittens and hats before they went outside. I tried to convince them they could go out without the snow pants (am I a great mom or what?), but they kept at me.

At least I got to check one more item off of my long, not-terribly-important-to-do list. Organize walk-in hall closet. Check!

Thankfully, last year's snow boots (purchased after what even I would consider a "real" snow, and 2 sizes too big because they were expensive!) still fit! Big Girl, who is wearing a 6/6X now, crammed herself into the 3T snowpants we crammed her into last year even though we have a pair of 5T snowpants that fit her perfectly. For Little Man, I found a great outfit -- red coat and snowpants that look sort of like mechanics clothes or what a NASCAR driver would wear. And it fits!

Outside they went!!

Isn't it funny the way kids play? Little Man immediately went out and started "working" the way he always does. He gave himself a job. Big Girl chose slightly bossy storytelling play. She is so nice, she worked Little Man's chosen "job" into her story so they could play together!

The kids are outside playing and Little Man needs help with the buttons on his jacket. So I pull him close to button him up. See that little yellow patch on his front pocket? It says "Cutie Girls". Yes, I dressed him in what is apparently a girls snow outfit. Luckily he can't read yet. Maybe the patch is advertising that he is a 3T sized ladies man looking for love?

****

Full disclosure: there were actually a few snowflakes 2 days ago that probably count as the "first snow" of the year. But it was the "comes down as snow but becomes water immediately" kind and didn't last long. That didn't stop the 9 year old across the street from donning his snow gear and attempting to sled down his driveway, however!

It's Official: I Destroy Books

2011-11-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

Today's story actually begins with the book I have been reading recently, which I hate with the power of a thousand suns. I can't give up on a book, so have been forcing myself to read it for the better part of a month. Yesterday, with 40 pages to go, I had to renew it online because it's due date had come around. Again.

I logged in to renew my book, succeeded in renewing it and then noticed there was a "block" on my account. (Why I can renew a book when my account is locked, I don't understand.) I learned the reason for the block was because I "destroyed" a book I checked out about 2 months ago and then returned. Really, if you actually destroyed a book would you bother returning it? My penalty for book destruction is listed at $15 to replace the book.

The destroyed book was called The Irresistible Henry House and was actually quite enjoyable. My sin? I put the book into the same bag as Big Girl's swimming suit. Yes, it got damp.

When you think about a library book that is "destroyed" to the point that it can't be reshelved, what do you think of? Here's what I think of:

Is there significant damage to the cover?

Is there damage to the binding?

Are there pages missing, torn or falling out?

Are any of the pages illegible?

Is the book partially burned, covered with paint or marker or otherwise marked?

In this case, the answers are no, no, no, no and no. Yes, some of the pages towards the back got a little warped the way books do if they get wet. That is it.

The news that I am a book destroyer came at a pretty bad time for me. My week has been filled with insomnia, unforeseen stress, a notebook paper length list of not-super-important-but-necessary things to do that I'm worried about forgetting and probably some other things. You know, "If something could go wrong, it will"? One of those. So the $15 book fine thing really has been bugging me more than it probably would ordinarily.

I am still denying that I destroyed the book or damaged it in a way that makes it unworthy of library shelf participation.

After I raged out for awhile yesterday, I decided that I would go in today, demand to see the book (or, ideally, find it on the shelf and then do a "Ah-ha!" surprise reveal showing that I know they are scamming me), argue that the book wasn't damaged and the fine is undeserved, and then probably end up paying the fine anyway. But I would demand to take my destroyed book home, dammit!

Eric counseled me yesterday at dinner about flying off the handle about little, insignificant stress like a "small library book fine". (First, he clearly missed the major injustice that has been put upon me. Second, I also fly off the handle when he assumes my stress is insignificant.) He was right, though after dinner he got his chance to stress out because we got a letter in the mail that he has been sent to collections over a $10 unpaid magazine subscription. Seriously, does that actually happen?

So this morning I woke up and decided I have had enough stress this week and I would just go to the library, be nice and pay my fine, as unjust and slanderous as it is, so that I don't work myself up and carry around bad feelings all day.

As Little Man and I walked into the library, there was an announcement on the intercom. (No, it was not signaling that a book destroyer with a blocked account entered the library. That would be cool though, right?) "Will the owner of a black lab with a tan collar please report to the circulation desk?" And then guess what we saw! A young (maybe 1 or 2 years old) black lab having the time of it's life running around off leash in the library. There's the downside of those automatic sliding doors. (Do dogs ever run into the grocery store? I have never seen it, but I bet it happens.)

The dog came and greeted us and then headed off to the children's section, because that's where the fun is. The library worker made the intercom announcement again while I was searching the shelves to see whether my destroyed book was actually shelved and still in circulation. No luck.

I approached the circulation desk as a random guy with his daughter brought up the dog, held by the collar, and tried to convince the workers to tie the dog to something so that it would not continue to run free in the library during library story time. For those of you on my facebook who saw my post about the library book, what follows is one example of what I mean when I say that the library workers have been jerks and "really strict" when we've been there.

The woman who seemed to be in charge honestly psychoed out while I was standing there. She was stomping around like a little kid, muttering about how "now people are going to call my administration and complain because there is a dog in the library". And she attacked the poor guy who brought the dog over and was like "If you want to tie the dog up, you tie the dog up. That's on you. I'm not going to have the dog's owner complaining because I tied it up." (If you are like me, you are thinking, Are you going to DO anything about the dog running around the library? Making an announcement and then letting the dog run loose doesn't seem like much of a solution. The dog was very friendly but still.)

The dog in the library situation was amusing and reminded me to relax and not take myself or my $15 too seriously. Plus, the head library lady clearly has had a hard day and needed a Valium.

So finally the guy dragged the dog outside (tying him up to a tree with some rope he had in his van) and it was my turn to approach the desk. I was actually nice! I basically said: I saw on my account I owe money for a damaged book. I already returned the book because I didn't think it was anything that would make the book unsuitable to be checked out. I will pay the fine, but I would like to have the book if I am going to be paying for it.

And...

THEY GAVE ME THE BOOK!

I still don't really believe it. Nor do I believe that they can only accept cash. Luckily my credit union is right down the street because I only had $1.73 in my wallet.

So now my record is clear, I own a copy of a book that I enjoyed and can recommend to others, and am out $15.

A friend of mine was at library story time during this whole experience, so I showed her the book. For the record, she agrees with me that the damage was minimal and it is stupid that I had to pay for the book. And now she is living in fear because of a slight spill on a library book she still has at her house. Honestly, I can think of at least a handful of books I've checked out over the past two years that were in much worse condition.

For those of you who are doubters and don't believe all my no, no, no-ing above... I took pictures!!

WARNING: The photographs below may contain images that some readers will find disturbing.

Binding

Cover -- the little bend on the edge happened when I put the book
in my purse after I destroyed it, then paid for it.

Back cover

Damage!!!

Legibility!

I'm not saying the book didn't get damp on the corner, I'm just saying, is this a destroyed quality library book? I really don't think so.

Happy reading, everybody! I'm off to take my chances on my next library book!

I've Got Moles

2011-11-11T14:14:00.000-08:00

In the past 2 weeks, my Little Man turned 4, we costumed up multiple times for Halloween and it's non-satanic cousin "Trunk N Treat", and have been running all over the place for appointments and events. I was going to write about all that, but instead I am going to write about moles.

Apparently, I am the picture in the dictionary next to the phrase "high risk for skin cancer". Fair skin, pale eyes, light hair, excessive sun exposure as a teen, burn easily, +50 moles. [Though, I still am not wholly sure whether some of my moles are freckles or freckles are moles.] I actually didn't even realize how many of the risk factors I had, but since we moved here two years ago, I have occasionally thought that I should probably see a dermatologist to get all my freckles and moles checked out. Then in late August or so, Eric mentioned that the rather large mole on my back looked different to him. I spent 3 days or so expecting to die at any moment from a melanoma. A few more people looked at it for me (luckily it was bathing suit time - rest assured I have not been going around town lifting up my shirt asking people to look at my back), and all seemed to think it didn't look scary.

Then about a week ago I was messing around with another mole I can't actually see myself on the back of my neck under my hair, and I thought, Yes, I really should call and get them checked out.

Even though there are like 250,000 people in the area where I live, I could only find 2 or 3 dermatologists here that actually do medical things and not just botox or whatever. The one I decided to call has a very substantial website and one of the new patient information pieces said that most people are scheduled out about 6 weeks for a first visit. So I called Monday thinking maybe I could get an appointment before Christmas. But they had an opening yesterday! That hardly even gave me time to worry about it!

Yesterday was my appointment. I particularly wanted to draw their attention to 3 moles: big back mole, under hair mole and 2 mole cluster on the side of my neck.

The PA asked me why I called, and I told her that Eric thought the big back mole looked different recently and it made me think I should get checked over for baddies. (I didn't actually say "Baddies" but that is what I was thinking.) So she started with my back and pretty much immediately told me that it was a normal mole, though a little large.

Oh, but this other mole on your back (which of course I can't see and didn't even know was there) is suspicious. So she left the room for a second and came back with a dermoscope.

This is the PA checking me out with a dermoscope if my PA was a man

who looks sort of like Harold Ramis

Quick check of the big back mole and she said again that it is a normal mole, but good on Eric for paying attention to it. Check of the other back mole, and apparently it is a baddie.

To save some time: the rest of my many moles were looked over. She dermoscoped a few and none offended her.

So then we talked about the baddie. She decided to do a scratch biopsy to be examined by the dermatologist to determine whether it has "abnormal cells". She gave me a speech about how abnormal cells do not necessarily mean that I have melanoma. She never used the C-word.

The scratch biopsy was kind of disgusting to think about. She numbed my skin and then seriously took a razor blade and cut off the top of my mole! And then she showed it to me! That was gross.

And now, we wait. Approximately 2 weeks, though 2 weeks from yesterday was Thanksgiving so I don't know how that will impact the timing. If there is nothing shady happening in my mole, then I will get a little card in the mail and will go back annually for skin exams. If I get a phone call from the office, then that means the results were not normal and I will go in to figure out what is going on.

I'm thinking the odds that they are going to tell me the mole is normal, after her immediate reaction that it was suspicious and looking at it through the dermoscope and again thinking it was suspicious, are probably slim. But I am am not obsessing over having melanoma either. Instead I am thinking about the way God works - that I have had this big back mole for as long as I can remember and it isn't a baddie, but is weird enough that it encouraged me to go in to the doctor, where they could then discover the undercover baddie I didn't even know I had. And here I am getting myself all freaked out about these 3 intimidating moles and trying to control and plan and run the show, when all the time there is apparently something else going on that I don't even see or know about.

I have a friend from college who is a missionary in a foreign country that persecutes Christians. She sends out emails every few months that have to be written in code, her situation is that dangerous. A few months ago she emailed an update and in it included a quote from another missionary she knows where she is. I love it:

“In my experience, when we go through times of great difficulty, delay, and uncertainty—when we are forced to wait and trust—God is doing 3 things: He is providing what we need to endure, He is protecting us from dangers we can’t discern, and He is in the process of giving us something better than what we wanted in the first place.”

For the next 2 weeks or so, I will be waiting to hear if this is the situation God has placed me in for now. I can, at least, identify with the "dangers we can't discern" part.

Cilantro Hate

2011-10-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

Today's edition was inspired by a rare dinner out for our family. We successfully completed the challenge known as the professional family portrait and found we had time to eat and no plan. We decided to check out Costa Vida - a new to our area chain restaurant of "healthy" "Mexican" food. We attempted to go a few weeks ago but it was a Sunday and they weren't open. (I get the reason why, but it sure does seem like a risky business model for a restaurant!) We had heard some good things about the food and the website makes it seem like a place we would like. One of our favorite quick stops for food in Bend when we lived there was Longboard Louie's which appeared to be similar in menu/decor/price.

Quick review is that the prices were similar, but LL's food was a little bit better and larger servings. Plus, there were more choices on the menu. But Costa Vida's restaurant space is nice. It seems like the staff is still working out the kinks as far as moving orders along, but I think that will come with time.

Anyway, the big bummer for me, which led to this post, (yes, I am finally getting around to it!) is that at least half of their menu calls for the use of cilantro in a "hard to get around" way. Their rice, which is used in their burritos, salads and as a side on all plates, is lime cilantro rice. The problem is: I'm a cilantro hater.

***warpy tv screen to show we are travelling back in my memory, inserted here***

A long, long time ago in 2006, I did not realize I hate cilantro. How can it be that I didn't realize I had a pure hatred until I was almost 30 years old? My only excuse is that I have a sensitive stomach and tend to steer away from spice and seasoning in general. Anyway, 2006, I'm pregnant with Big Girl. And I'm STARVING. And I'm driving home from work. And there is Baja Fresh. "Ah! That looks healthy and filling. I will drive through there."

I don't remember what I ordered. It might as well have been called "Tortilla filled with cilantro". I went home and ate whatever it was and proceeded to be sick as a dog until the next morning. Suspicious of fast food, I figured I'd been poisoned. (Who doesn't always assume they've been poisoned when they are pregnant and have a weird reaction to food? Right?) I didn't think much else about it. But then, months later, we went out somewhere else and I got a rice bowl filled with all sorts of non-Mexican stuff, but there was the taste again! The one that made me sick! I sleuthed, because I'm a good sleuther. CILANTRO!

***time warp returning to present day***

To this day, I have not voluntarily consumed cilantro a single time. I go without guacamole and pico de gallo if we eat Mexican food. I seek out non-cilantro menu items with incredible focus and accuracy.

A few weeks back I read an article about why some people cannot stand the taste of cilantro while others love it. It clarified so much for me - why I literally gag when I try to eat cilantro, why I think eating anything with even the smallest amount of cilantro tastes like soap...

Apparently I'm a "supersmeller". I think I might make myself a t-shirt."Supertasters" have their own t-shirts, I want one for my super power too!

(If you don't believe me about the whole cilantro supersmeller thing, here's another article. Because you know, if it is reported twice on the internet, it must be true.)

I was talking to a new friend and for some reason we started talking about how I hate cilantro. (I'm not really sure why cilantro-hate became a relevant topic in conversation between two people who just met...?) And she mentioned she likes cilantro but has a friend who thinks it tastes soapy. Honestly, my world was blown. Between the article and the friend-of-a-friend who feels the same way, I came to realize other people are with me in the cilantro hater club. (I have since found a blog called "I Hate Cilantro" that I can totally related to. No, cilantro was not part of my wedding vows, but otherwise I'm with her.)

So, last night, what to do. I was hungry and would have loved a burrito, but those were out. I ended up with two grilled shrimp tacos without pico di gallo, praying that there was no cilantro in the cabbage mixture that was inside with the shrimp. I passed on the side of cilantro rice. The kind food assembler guy offered me a double portion of beans, but that would have been approximately 2 cups of beans which I thought was a little scandalous. I chowed down on my (cilantro free) tacos. Little Man, of course, refused to eat most of his dinner, so when Eric took him to the bathroom, I perused his plate.

The rice looked really good. I thought to myself, "I'm still hungry... And there really is only a tiny bit of cilantro in there... and I haven't tried anything with cilantro in about 5 years, so maybe now that I'm not pregnant or just being done with pregnancy things will work out better?"

I took about 1/3 of a bite with my fork and took a bite!!

Guess what happened??

Tasted like SOAP!!! And then I started gagging. And then Big Girl looked at me like I was insane.

So, my hatred will live on for another day. I'm sort of sad about the Costa Vida situation though, because I would like to go back and have a salad. Maybe I will go again and see if they make a cilantro free version of their rice. (Kind of doubt it based on the confusion we caused by asking if Eric could have shrimp on his burrito even though it wasn't on the menu.)

Conceptions of an almost 4 year old

2011-10-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

Little Man is a pretty smart kid. He speaks very clearly and with a strong vocabulary for not-quite-4. He is a puzzle master and has a great memory for numbers and facts. Here are two things that cannot sort out in his mind.

1) Bedtime vs. "Resting Time" vs. Nap

For some reason, Little Man can't wrap his mind around the concept of bedtime. He knows he goes to bed at 7pm. But when we say it is bedtime, he always takes issue. It is not bedtime, it is "time for my long nap". The hour in the afternoon formerly knows as nap time, now must be called "resting time". He doesn't always nap during that time, so it can't be called "nap time". I am consistently blown away by the level of reasoning and total lack of understanding about what he is reasoning about. (Same for #2) Honestly, we have discussions about all of the bedtime verbiage on a regular basis. Woe to any babysitter who does not understand the subtleties of sleep related talk at our house!

2) Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner aka "meal time" vs Snack

This one is even more strange. Yes, Little Man is a big fan of snacks. So maybe that is why he cannot understand the concept of "meal time" and can't keep track of which meal happens at which time of day. When he names a meal, he is almost always wrong. Today we got home from errands at 12:30pm and I had told him at least three times that when we got home we would be having lunch. We pull in to the garage and he says, "Make me whatever I want for dinner." ("whatever I want" is another funny Little Man-ism. He actually uses this in place of "whatever you want" only when I actually make him whatever I want, then he gets mad and specifies what he wants to eat.) Anyway, when I told him it was lunch time, not dinner time, he was like "Whatever, give me a snack then." He prefers if every time he eats, we call that snack. There have been occasions that he has refused to eat a meal and then I've called it "snack" instead (and this has happened mid-meal) and then simply by calling it snack the food suddenly transforms into the most appetizing whatever that has ever been created.

I Write Like... an update

2011-10-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here is an example of how short sighted I am. I decide to end my blogging sabbatical on the same week that I am going out of town for 3 days. *slaps forehead with palm* I decided that I would check in with good old I Write Like to see if I am still writing like the same "famous" person as Last Year. Apparently, I am no longer Cory Doctorow (and I still don't really know who he is). Now I am another guy I have never heard of before!

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

So after laughing for a minute because now not only am I unfamiliar with the writing, but I am not even really sure how to pronounce the name. Notice I didn't try typing it, instead I did some handy cut and paste of HTML code!

A quick look at Wikipedia tells me a few things that I think are kind of cool.

First, this guy apparently wrote Fight Club. Haven't read it, but love the movie so I'm going to assume I would super-love the book since books are almost always better than their counterpart movie.

Second, he is originally from SE Washington, which is where I live. Apparently the past 2+ years of living here have rubbed off on my writing style.

Last, he is known for writing transgressive fiction. Yep, I totally know what that is. OK, not really but thank goodness for the good old inter-web. Transgressive fiction = a genre of literature that focuses on characters who feel confined by the norms and expectations of society and who break free of those confines in unusual and/or illicit ways. Sounds a lot like some of the crazy business that goes on at my house, only my version being much less violent and scary.

Just a warning, don't put this guy's name into Amazon.com if you want to draw comparisons to me or my writing. His books apparently tend to have covers with devils and fire and other scary stuff.

Acceptable Reasons to Wake Me Up

2011-10-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

I wrote this list in my mind at 3am last night, the third night in a row that I woke in the 3-4am window to the angelic sound of my name being sung from the bedroom of a toddler just down the hall.

Maaaaaaa-maaaaaaaaa!

To be clear, this is not crying or fear based. This is more of a casual call for reasons that do not make it on to today's list. Their reasons are things like:

* I want you to rub my tummy.
* I want to tell you that I am going to wake up at 7:05am. (Yes, that's Little Man.)
* My blankets fell off my bed.
* My door is closed just a little bit more than I want it to be.

By the way, I think we have the only children in the world who do not sneak into our bedroom and get right in our faces to wake us up. Shocking, but I say preferable because at least it doesn't require me to get out of bed. Instead, our children are lazy and stay in their beds while also waking us up, requiring one of us to get out of bed and then they have the audacity to fall back to sleep right away while I end up tossing and turning for the next hour and a half thinking about blog posts or finishing my book that is now overdue at the library.

Anyway, I hereby name the following reasons for waking me up in the middle of the night as ACCEPTABLE!

* You just peed in your bed. (Or the other, but since Little Man is still in a night diaper, that isn't so much a problem... yet.)
* You fell out of your bed and hurt yourself.
* Some kind of intruder is in your room. This could be an alien, a stranger or our dog. Stuffed animals do not count.
* You puked, or think you might puke in the near future.
* Something has crashed through your bedroom window, spraying glass around the room and waking you up.
* There are people shouting outside your window because a pipe in the street exploded right outside our house and is flooding our yard.
* House is on fire/Smoke alarm is going off.

I can't think of much else. To prove I'm not a mean mommy, I will add the following to the list:

* You had a bad dream.
* You are too cold or too hot because your parents let you choose jammies that are not weather appropriate. (That happens more often than it should.)

Unfortunately, this list is actually pretty pointless because my kids can't read very well yet. And, frankly, they do whatever they want most of the time and probably wouldn't listen even if I told them these new "rules".

Why, hello there!

2011-10-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

After a lengthy period of lameness, I have decided it is time to get back to blogging. Blog revamp! New name, new look, new sassy style.

The problem with having a blog that you hope will be quirky and entertaining, is that you then feel the need to be quirky and entertaining in order to have something to post about.

I just have my life. Which is sometimes entertaining, but often maxes out at silly.

My life, and I doubt I'm alone, is speeding by too fast. And I spend too much time complaining or being busy. For the past few months, I have really wanted to be able to enjoy life with my family, be healthy and just experience things. Laugh a lot. Eat some good food. Play heartily.

So, new blog goal starts today: sharing stories about what our family life is like. Or maybe RECORDING stories is a better word? I hope to add a slideshow of pictures to the sidebar of our family doing some fun life-living. And I'll probably still share stories about how Ben is still refusing to poop in the potty (like last weekend's quote: "Mama, I'm having a butt problem.") and other run of the mill stay-at-home-mom randomness.

One adventure at a time...

2011 Goals

2011-01-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

Let me just start by saying that it becomes apparent that I have problems when my goals for 2011 are organized into categories for "ease of use". Seriously. I need help. Really though, I kind of have an excuse, which is that I already set goals for myself specifically related to health, so it seems easy enough to keep those and then round out the list. Right? Yeah, not too convincing, I know.

HEALTH GOALS
* Become a mindless Clean Eater -- I've been a sort-of-Clean-Eater for a couple of years now, but in November I decided that it can't be a half & half thing. I'm been about 95% clean over the past 7 weeks, and that includes Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and New Years. In 2011, I'm hoping that I can transition from eating clean because I carefully plan, consider, etc. to eating clean because it's what I am used to and I know my body likes it!

* Complete the workouts in The New Rules of Lifting for Women in their entirity. The workouts are designed to span 6-8 months, so this is a long term commitment. I'm about 6 weeks in now. "Put down those Barbie weights!" Secondary goal here: complete at least 1 unassisted pull-up.

* Train for and survive the Ragnar Relay - Northwest Passage in July. Hopefully our first team planning meeting will happen in the next few weeks! For me, this will mean completing 3 runs over a 24 hour period at any hour of the night on probably know sleep, with each run being between 3-6 miles. Considering the furthest I've ever run at one time at this point is 3.5 miles, I have a good amount of training to do this spring/summer!

* Run the 10K at Fall Fest this year. It will be my first 10K. Also, improve my 5K time to break 30 minutes.

AND THE REST

* Start to say no. Or, I could also call this: simplify my life. Instead of having a job where I have a continuum of tasks or a handy "to do" list, which is what I prefer, I currently have my hand in many, MANY things at my daughter's school and our church. When you try to list all of the volunteer things you are responsible for and can't remember them all to list them, that means there are too many. And the problem is my fault because I don't say no. I think this might actually change this year because usually my reasoning is, "I should help with this because I have time and can do it." But now the reasoning is tipping towards, "I would like to help with this but don't have enough time or concentration to even remember that I am committing to it." Yikes.

* Be less hard on myself. Sometimes it's ok to not finish something or to do "just enough". I know this, but need to remember it and believe it.

* Read 52 books and finish my "10 to read in 2011" challenge! Right now I'm reading Anna Karenina and it is slowly grinding my reading life to a halt. Let's just say I'm going to have a lot of reading to do to make up lost time on the "52 books" goal.

* Get back to Chicago to see family. I haven't been "home" since 2004. It's been a long time. This goal may be unattainable because the primary problem has been financial and, as I learned with last year's goals, "goaling" for more money doesn't really cut it! =) But, it's something I'd like to do, so it's listed here.

* Family trips to 2 previously unexplored places. I'm not talking about shopping at Albertsons instead of Yokes. I mean "vacations" or day trips that will be real experiences for our family.

Happy New Year everybody!!

Blessings & 2010

2011-01-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

2010 was a rough year for a lot of people. Even our Pastor, in his weekly newsletter, commented on how difficult 2010 was for many of the people in our church family. With the economy struggling, there are so many people stuggling financially. It seems like 2010 was a "bad year" for health as well. Eric and I both had family members diagnosed with and/or being treated for cancer in 2010, as well as friends stuggling with cancer or other long term illnesses. Eric's sister struggled through a difficult, high risk pregnancy, resulting in the birth of her beautiful daughter, who spent about a month in the NICU before going home at the close of 2010. Most people we know, ourselves included, are too busy, a little (or a lot) too stressed, tired, etc.

I am not a "New Years" fan. I am not big into resolutions, though I like reflecting back on the past year. I don't like fireworks or the anti-climactic nature of "the ball dropping". I don't like waking up throughout the night because some idiots in my neighborhood decide to set off fireworks at times when any normal person should be sleeping (even on New Years Eve).

I noticed on facebook in the past few days that many of my FB friends are sharing thoughts on their 2010. Quite a few view 2010 with "good riddance" in hopes of a better 2011. I guess I can't blame them if they've had the kind of year I described up above.

But I had a thought this morning about 2010 and looking ahead to 2011. I think it's perfectly natural to wish for "the best" for this upcoming year. To hope that it is an improvement over the previous year in a "I hope life just gets better and better" sort of way. But, I think it's also important to think about the blessings of our year.

God's blessings in 2010 were not just the "good" things that happened to us. We can't thank God for joys and plenty, but get grumpy about things happening that we didn't want or don't understand. If you are reading this post, you join me in the group of people who were blessed with an entire year of living in 2010. A year of relationships, growth, experience. Maybe not all of the details are what we would have chosen for ourselves, but they were all blessings just the same, whether we SEE the blessing right now or not.

So, I thank God this morning for the blessing of 2010. I thank God that even though not everything that happened in the past year was easy or understandable, He blessed me and those I love in innumerable ways. I look forward to 2011 and the relationship, growth and experiences it holds for all of us.

Reflections: 2010 Goals

2010-12-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again - desperate to keep my mind off of the mess of new toys and clothes in my living room, I start thinking about my goals for next year. If my brain can't take the present, might as well look to the future, right?

Only, for today, I decided it would be good to look back to the past. Specifically: my January 2010 post outlining my goals for this year.

How did I do?

1) Increase my focus on being "healthy and strong"
This was goal #1, so it's the most important, right? I hope so, because it is one of the only ones that I really made some progress on this year! I switched gyms this fall to one with a kids area that Little Man actually likes going to. It has made all the difference in the world. I've been hitting the gym 5-6 days a week and really look forward to that time. I feel "healthy and strong', and it is a good stress release and time to get focused on my day. I recently started the weight training workouts in The New Rules of Lifting for Women and am seeing results already. I am committed, and staying committed (minus my birthday and Christmas which was a cookie debacle), to clean eating, which feels great!
Goal Accomplishment Rating: 4/5

2) Cut back on tv & movies

Let's get real. This didn't happen. My husband and I crave our evening brain shut off time after the kids go to bed, and we are still "shutting off" to movies and tv. Hey, at least we saw some good movies this year!

Goal Accomplishment Rating: 0/5

3) Add some adventure

When I wrote the original goal, I talked about my plans to go on crazy adventures with Eric and the kids. To do things that are out of the ordinary and create memories. I think we did a little of that this year. I hope to seek out more adventure in 2011! We did a major landscaping overhaul of our backyard that was definitely "adventure" in a torturous, exhausting way. Oh yeah, and I went to Haiti on a missions trip, one of the big adventures of my life so far.

Goal Accomplishment Rating: 4/5

4) Put some money into savings

This turned out to be a wish rather than a goal. I'm giving myself 1 point because we didn't go into debt!

Goal Accomplishment Rating: 1/5

5) Become an intentional friend

This is a rough one to gauge. I think I was mentally an intentional friend this year. I thought of my friends more, prayed for friends. Didn't do very well at reaching out to friends. Room for improvement.

Goal Accomplishment Rating: 2/5

6) Read more good books

I read like crazy this year! I think I read about a book a week. Not all were good books, but many turned out to be among the best I've ever read (see previous post). One funny thing about looking back at last year's goals is that under this goal, I mentioned reading "The Bookseller of Kabul" and having weird dreams from it. I have absolutely no recollection at all of reading that book, and my Goodreads page shows it listed as a "to read". What is up with that? Did I start it and then stop because of weird dreams? Why don't I remember anything about the book at all? Perplexing.

Goal Accomplishment Rating: 5/5

Hopefully within the next few days I will have a chance to share some of my goals for 2011!

Books I Loved in 2010

2010-12-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

In the past year and a half when I have been a true stay-at-home mom (before that, I was a SAHM but worked on contract from home a little bit for a social services agency), I have gotten back to reading. Lots of reading.

It's time for "year end" countdowns of the best and worst of 2010, so I thought I'd recap some of the books I read this year that I really enjoyed. *Note: these are books I read in 2010, not necessarily books published in 2010.*

THE TOP TEN

10. "The Samurai's Garden" by Gail Tsukiyama -- Reading this book was like sitting in a quiet garden. It was soothing and very eloquently written.

9. "Slave" by Mende Nazar -- This was a difficult read - an autobiography about a woman who lived through slavery in modern times. While not a pleasant topic, the story is amazing.

8. "Five Quarters of the Orange" by Joanne Harris -- Probably would not have read this one if not for the recommendation of a friend. The themes of the book are the relationship between mother and daughter, past and present. Oh yeah, and there is lots of talk about cooking and food!

7. "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini -- I think I'm the only person in the world who hadn't read this book or seen the movie. Still haven't seen the movie, but I am definitely glad I read this book about friendship, betrayal and coming of age in Afghanistan.

6. "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton -- Part mystery without being too "mystery genre", this book fell right into my wheelhouse: generations of women and their interconnectedness. Blurbs about the book I read were pretty vague and didn't do much to sell me on reading it, but it was one of my favorite books of the year. I will definitely be reading more Kate Morton in 2011!

5. "Zeitoun" by Dave Eggers -- I love pretty much all of Dave Eggers' work and this is no exception. Zeitoun is a "fact based" novel, basically the novelization of the true story of Abdulrahman Zeitoun, a Syrian-American living in New Orleans when Hurricane Katrina hit. What starts as a story of heroism in the face of a natural disaster turns into a telling story about the way immigrants and the poor are sometimes treated by our country's officials.

4. "The Heretic's Daughter" by Kathleen Kent -- I tend to enjoy books set in colonial times and this is no exception. Another "relationship between women" book, a young girl struggles to understand what is happening when her mother is accused of witchcraft in Purtian New England.

3. "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein -- I admit, I may have read this at the end of 2009, but I can't remember, so I'm counting it. I am not a fan of gimmicky books, so I was surprised to find I really enjoyed this book narrated by... a dog! It is funny and tender, left me thinking and talking about it for a long time afterward!

2. "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova -- It is not often that a work of fiction changes people, but I believe this is such a book. Narrated by a woman suffering from early onset Altzheimer's Disease, this is fiction that reads as autobiographical. It is deeply moving and really made me think.

1. "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle" by Dave Wroblewski -- I know what you are thinking: Did you seriously pick a book from Oprah's Book Club as your favorite book of the year? Luckily, I didn't realize it had been a OBC pick when I read it! This story was fascinating in pretty much every aspect. It was funny, sad, hopeful, interesting. Everything that makes a book engaging and, well, good! Though not hard to read, my brain was completely swamped by the time I finished reading. I wandered around the house for days in search of a "beach read" because I was totally worn out by the emotional toll this book took on me. What's not to love?

THE BEST BOOK YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF...

"The Art of Devotion" by Samantha Bruce-Benjamin -- I won this book on a reading website and was able to participate in an online discussion with the author. This is a first novel that I thought was really fascinating and well written. Another "mystery that isn't mystery genre", this book tells of the story's events from the differing perspective of multiple narrators. As soon as you think you understand the "what" and the "why", perspective changes and you realize that maybe you don't understand any of what is going on at all!

Adventure in Wheel-ing

2010-09-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I joined a new gym. Last year's econo-gym membership was a big waste of money as I never had the time to go when I had energy, or energy to go when I had time (after 7pm or before 5am). Lured in by a lap pool and childcare, I jumped ship to a national chain with a new gym in our area. I have always done well with group fitness classes and this gym offers lots of classes that seem really cool. Plus, they have a pretty nice kids area set up with a very reasonable fee so that I can actually work out during the time a normal person would be awake!

As part of a scheme to win a free trip to Hawaii (which didn't end up working), I spent the first 2 weeks of my membership trying out each fitness class the gym offers. The one I was least looking forward to: Yoga/Pilates.

I have never been a huge fan of yoga classes. I went a few times when I was pregnant, but have never really gotten into the stillness of yoga, the "let's relax and listen to our breathing", the "pay attention to the tiny muscles in your forehead... release all of the tension between your eyebrows". I am just not made to slow down that way, and the idea that I am "exercising" by laying on the floor in Corpse Pose ticks me off when I'm in a foul mood.

But, I found that I really enjoyed the yoga/pilates class at my new gym. I was sweating! I had sore muscles the next day! And, most positive of all, my tight-since-having-children hips actually stretched out a bit and felt wonderful! I'm a little addicted now just because of the hip stretching alone! Not to mention that anytime we are seated for stretching, she always reminds us to "put both your butts on the floor", which I find really cute since she is a tiny, blonde yoga-ess.

I am far from a Yoga Master. I am decently flexible and probably above average in the balance department. On most poses, our instructor shows us a beginner position and a "level 2" position. Occasionally there is a "level 3" position which is prefaced by her saying something like, "Only try this if you have been coming for awhile" or a threat (in teacher tone) like, "If you can't keep your back straight on level 2, I better not see you trying this!" Most of the time I'm cool in level 2. On some things, I am flexible enough to pull off level 3.

Today's adventure, and story, begins about half way through class with Bridge Pose. Like this...

I assure you that I am as toned as this lady and looked HAWT in my light pink, skintight yoga-wear. (!!)

Anyway, so I'm rocking the Bridge Pose and figured we were finishing up (though, knowing the class a little bit, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had said, "Now, grab your ankles and slowly walk towards the green wall to your right.")

Then, she busted out the Level 2... Wheel Pose. "If you feel comfortable here and have the flexibility to attempt this..."

Never one to shy away from ~~a backbend~~ Level 2, I was thinking I can do this! I can push up into a back bend! (Those of you who read yesterday's blog are coming to understand that my internal dialogue often includes gross overestimation of my abilities...) And then... I went for it! Arms above my shoulders, I pushed up from Bridge Pose to Wheel Pose. I made it! I am sure I didn't look as bendily perfect as this lady up above, but my heels stayed on the ground, I didn't pull a muscle, and I didn't tip over. I call that "Mission Accomplished"!

So, here I am in the dimmly lit group exercise room in Wheel Pose. My upside down view of 1/2 of the class revealed that only 2 or 3 of the 15-20 people I could see had attempted/successfully made it to the Wheel. And then, I realized my problem.

How am I going to get down from here?

A quick picture flashed in my mind: like some generic comedy flick, I pictured being stuck in Wheel Pose and having to call out to the Yoga-ess for help getting back down to the ground. Honestly, I was scared for a few seconds that I was going to hurt myself trying to get out of Wheel Pose.

In the end, I ignored the desire to call for help and decided if I threw caution to the wind to bend myself in half, I would do the same and drop myself back down to the mat. I ended up bringing my head directly down onto the ground, probably not an ideal exit, and rolling my spine down until I was back to safely laying flat on the ground.

Whew! Crisis averted!

And you know at dinner tonight, I bragged to Eric all about how I kicked some awesome Yoga butt and Wheeled like a champ!

Porch swing reupholstery fail

2010-09-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

We have a second generation porch swing that came with us from our old house when we moved last year. Handed down from our friends (who graciously left it on the porch when we bought the house from them), I admit that I love the idea of having a porch swing more than I love actually using it.

The sad grandpa porch swing was relegated to the random mow strip/concrete pad on the side of the house when we moved because of how tiny our back porch was. But then, this spring, we landscaped the back yard and suddenly the porch swing had a home!

The only problem: the fabric was worn thin from years of use, misuse and unuse. (Is that a word?)

"Have no fear!" I told Eric. "I will reuphoster it and make it look fabulous!" I was well intentioned and truly believed that I could take on this little project with little to no effort required. I can sew! I've made pretty elaborate Halloween costumes. I was on costume crew for a few plays in college. I have made some of my own clothes. The "how to reupholster your porch swing" sites online make it look so easy!

The problems started early on. And remember, this is late April or so... Our probably very cheap porch swing (sorry Clifts!) has an all in one cushion and cover, meaning I couldn't take off the cover and use it as a pattern to create a new one. Oh no. In fact, I actually needed my husband's help to dismantle the ENTIRE swing so that I could remove the pad/cover in order to measure and plan out what I needed.

Mid May.

Pad removed and spread out on the dining room (no doubt tracking in 10 years of hidden dirt and who knows what), I measured and planned. Headed to the fabric store and found some super cute weatherproof fabric, which was more expensive than I expected.

And yes, I got home to discover that my fabric was about 2 inches too narrow! So, back to the store a few days later only to discover... the fabric was gone! No problem, I thought, I'll go all Project Runway and "make it work". I bought the same fabric in the same pattern but in complimentary colors and used it as edging down both sides, widening my fabric enough to do the job.

Late May.

I get this great idea to use a staple gun to affix the fabric on to the original pad/cover so that I don't have to sit outside in the 90 degree weather handsewing an entire porch swing. It seems like it would work! But after stapling the pad to my dining room floor (hello cheap laminate tile flooring!) and then dragging the whole thing outside, it quickly became apparent that my little quick fix idea was not working.

Did I give up? Never! I doubled the fun by using craft fabric glue spray, spraying the crap out of the back of the fabric, glueing it to the old fabric and THEN stapling it on!

Yeah, my head is hung in shame.

Early June.

I decided to go with it, despite Eric's incredulous looks, and see if it would hold together. At this point, other than a few visible staples, the cover actually looked pretty good. We even sat on it once.

Mid June.

I haven't mentioned that I live in a windy area. This is important because it only took about a week for my "fancy" porch swing cover job to start coming apart and flapping in the wind. At first it was just the bottom, which didn't actually impede the use of the swing OR show the original cover, so I let it go. Eric wasn't pleased.

By late June - 2 months into my "simple" project - basically the entire cover had come apart and was folded over itself, dangling off the swing, blowing in the breeze. Yes, I somehow made a 10 year old porch swing with an entirely worn and destroyed cover look WORSE than it did when I started. Did I fix it right away? Nope. Instead, I spent the summer pretending that it didn't exist.

I did make a few lame apologies to Eric for my lameness and promised I would fix the porch swing, but my heart wasn't into it.

So finally today, yes it is early September, I took the first steps to rectify my porch swing reupholstery fail. I am giving in and will be hand sewing the cover. Baby steps. Today, I pinned my cover back on to the swing so that this weekend, I can do the sewing. From far away, the porch swing actually looks pretty good. See?

But don't get too close!!!

It sounds like a train in here... must be time for school to start!

2010-08-31T12:29:00.000-07:00

Back to school time is upon us. This is Sister's first "back to school" since last year was her "first day of school". She is making the jump from 2 morning a week preschool to 5 morning a week pre-kindergarten. It has proven to be a fairly easy transition for her so far: same teachers, already knows most of the kids in her class, Daddy still around as principal. We'll see at the end of the week whether 5 mornings in a row causes serious crabbiness or not. Thank goodness she still naps!

Little Man and I are getting into a blessedly low key routine while Sister is at school. And it goes a little something like this... (hit it!)...

Drop Sister off at school. Come home and play cars. Head to the gym for a workout and Kids Club. Pick up Sister and head home for lunch.

As I'm not completely obsessed with playing cars like some people in this house, I'm hoping that we can add a little variety in the playing time and go to the park or library or something every now and then, but I'm not holding my breath!

Little Man has had a few weeks to get used to the gym Kids Club and has done well there. It has been an adjustment for him to go without Sister, but after a minute or two of tears, he has been fine. I am very thankful that he has a fall birthday so he is going to be a little older when he starts school. He would NOT be ready this year AT ALL (even though he never shuts up and is known for busting out words like "thermostat").

Yesterday we had a nice relaxing time playing cars out on the grass in the front yard. So quiet now that all the kids are in school! Today, those early fall winds are whipping around the neighborhood, so we opted for... cars in the living room! See? Some variety already!! We had a nice conversation about where heaven is, how we get there, whether Jesus has a car and a garage, if there is a thermostat in heaven, etc. (I'm sure everyone's 2 year olds ask about thermostats in heaven, right???)

And Sister? Loving school so far. She has graduated from not wanting to tell me anything about her day to telling me some specific things she did during the day. Her favorite part: "All of it". Oh, and snack.

From the Lost

2010-07-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to me! Sorry to say it has been awhile. I just got back from my mission trip to Haiti and then couldn't remember my new password from when my account was hacked a couple of weeks ago. Will post some Haiti pics and the full story during nap times this week. In the meantime, you may have heard of the cool new site for all of us "in the know" called I Write Like. You paste a sample of your writing - a blog entry, for example - and some kind of algorithm thing analyzes your writing style to tell you what famous author you write like. Apparently I write like Cory Doctorow. Didn't know who he was, had to google him. Apparently, my blog writing style is similar to... a blogger! A liberal, science fiction writing blogger and journalist. Word.

Share Group Inc.: You're on my list!

2010-07-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

For weeks now, we have been getting calls DAILY - sometimes up to 3 times a day - from "Share Group Inc." We are on the No Call List and have caller ID so I don't usually answer when they call. But still, annoying to have your phone ringing multiple times a day from some kind of telemarketer, right?

Last night, I was fed up and ready to tell someone off. So I answered the phone only to hear an automated message tell me something to the effect of: "There is a call for you. Please wait on the line for our next representative." I hung up.

I did some online research today and discovered that Share Group Inc. is a marketing/fundraising group that makes fundraising calls for all sorts of organizations. Just by typing in the phone number from our caller ID, I found many posts on various sites by people who have been getting calls as often as we have. Apparently, a few years ago, calling back to the number would lead to an automated message with an option to opt out of the calls. So I tried that, but no such luck. Now you just get to leave a message so someone can... call you back... AGAIN!

I don't really understand all the details of the No Call List, but apparently somehow Share Group Inc. is exempt from the No Call rules. I get the impression that agencies that otherwise wouldn't be able to call me because of the List can hire Share Group to call me instead. Nice.

I think I'm probably in the majority here - hounding me multiple times a day does not make me more receptive to a fundraising pitch when I do finally get fed up enough to answer my phone and then wait for someone to be available to talk to me. I wish I could just call the police or something. As it is, I might get my whistle ready for the next phone call.

Fire Humans and Flags: From the Mouths of Babes

2010-06-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

Learning my lesson about not talking publicly about breasts... I wrote a post about summer dresses for larger chested ladies and what happens? My blog gets hacked!

Well, I'm back with a big karate chop to the throat of my hackers, and a nice, fancy "secure" password.

Take THAT!

******

In other news, Little Man (2.5 years old) has been dealing with some nasal issues due to the dry air here. It has led to multiple "I never thought I'd be doing this" moments with me shining a flashlight into his nose and extracting boogers that look like green raisins from his nostrils with a pair of tweezers. (Probably not medically advisable, I know, but a kid's got to breathe, right?) Enough is enough, despite his fear of air conditioning, wind, and all mechanical noises, we decided it was time to bust out the humidifier.

The humidifier ranks pretty close to the air conditioning in terms of inducing fear. At this point, both things are not scary until, conveniently, it is time to go to bed. But, the humidifier is much more entertaining because Little Man calls it the... "fire human"!!

"Mama, I don't like the fire human in my room."

His other funny toddler word play: he calls the fly swatter a "flag", so any time he sees a fly he shouts, "I'm gonna flag it, Mama!" and runs for the fly swatter. Then I get to say, "Flag it, Little Man!"

Rant: On Sundresses

2010-06-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

*** Warning: the post contains a discussion about my boobs.***

Summertime, and I want a... really cute summer dress!

Woe is me, this is a problem for me every summer. I RARELY wear skirts or dresses any time of year, but in the summer, I almost always prefer a lightweight, flowy skirt or dress, long or short. (Unless, of course, I'm out weeding in the backyard or something,)

Apparently, I have a body shape that is next to impossible to fit in a casual summer dress, unless I want to shell out close to $100. And my "body shape" is not super crazy or anything. Yes, I am 5'10, but I'm an average weight and don't have major problem areas I want to disguise. The main problem: I have breasts. Yes. I am a woman and I have breasts. Proportional, but large enough to need fairly substantial support.

Strapless and spaghetti strap dresses are out. And also anything that gives me cleavage like the Grand Canyon. Apparently, that leaves me with... nothing! What the hay?

I think this is my 4th summer looking for a casual summer dress that is affordable, fits the boob-age requirements, and is long enough that my underwear isn't showing everytime I bend over. Last summer my mom found me a couple of maxi dresses that are cute, but one has a stripe of white cotton just at the bum area that is see through enough to require a slip. Personal opinion: slips in 100F weather are just inappropriately hot! The other one is also cute, but maybe a little cleavage-y. The first time Aunt Leona saw it she asked me if I was trying to "pick up a man".

Anna, I envy you and your cute little summer black dress! I will continue on my search, and maybe within the next few years I will find something! (By that time, I could've probably gotten years and years of wear out of a $100 dress, but I just mentally am not ok with spending $100 on a dress that is supposed to be a casual, playing with the kids and hanging out outfit.)

Maybe I should just cut some of these out and glue them on my body:

Summer - the hardest part of the year?

2010-06-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am a stay at home mom to two routine-loving toddlers. They don't know they love the routine, but they do. And I do too.

Enter summer...

I've been longing for warm weather, playing outside, freedom, maybe *gasp* a small vacation or two. And here it is!

Eric is a Christian elementary school principal. Before the current year, he was a Christian elementary school teacher. "Summer off", right? Ha! I have a husband who shrinks away in terror from the idea of "down time". He gets incredibly anxious when he has free time. Luckily for him, "summer off" is an imaginary concept. There is no "summer off" for someone in his position. Today is the "first day of summer" in his world, since yesterday was the last day of school. He was gone by 7am to be at school for multiple meetings. Will spend the afternoon helping teachers pack up their classrooms so that each room can be painted (by, you guessed it, him!) and moved to a different room for the start of next school year. That's right, my husband will be spending his "summer off" painting an entire school. And taking his admin. classes. And going to meetings.

The hardest part of our summer schedule blossoms from my own mind. In actuality, these summer days don't look much different from any other day of the year. The problem is that a large piece of my brain thinks, "This is summer! Eric will be home more! We will do fun things! We will go on adventures! He will be around to help me with the kids and household tasks!" But it doesn't happen. I get my hopes up that he may come home for lunch or be home early so that I can go to an appointment without the kids or we can go to the park as a family. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. It really is much easier when I don't even get my hopes up. At least then when he's home unexpectedly, it's a welcome surprise, unlike the opposite when I expect him home and he can't make it.

Here's to a wonderful summer of adventure! Hopefully I'll be able to get us all out of town a few times!

Multi-tasking, in a "one task at a time" way

2010-05-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

I used to be a great multi-tasker. It was, in fact, one of the attibutes that I was often praised for in professional settings. Give me a piece of paper to make a list and off I went... tackling tasks like, well, someone good at football tackles someone else - Brian Urlacher, maybe? Yes, I'm the Brian Urlacher of multi-tasking.

Except, now I'm not.

Mommy brain?

I have turned into a "one task at a time" person. This is almost as shattering to my self-image as when I discovered I was an introvert after years of being "zany and outgoing" as a teenager. Suddenly the me I thought I was is a me I don't recognize. Mind blown.

Tomorrow is L's princess birthday party. I am doing last minute planning and cleaning today because I couldn't think about the party until this week. Before that, I had softball coaching related tunnel vision. Then, applying for the mission trip to Haiti tunnel vision. After the party tomorrow, the focus shifts to my mission trip minute talk at church, and the accompanying poster I have to make. And then, to the garage sale that is in two week to raise money for the mission trip.

The problem with this kind of task tackling, I have discovered, is that nothing is allotted more time than what I have between tasks. L's party gets a week and a half because that's how long it's been since I finished the task before it. Minute talk for church gets one week. Garage sale planning, one week.

It's not the best use of my time. And yet, if I try to push it into what really would be the smartest use of my time, it's like my brain just shuts off and I'm totally incapacitated. If "totally" means forced to sit on the couch watching Arrested Development (best TV comedy ever?) and eating junk food.

Foreign Language Acquisition... Fail!

2010-05-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

I have never been much of a foreign language person. Something about my brain and learning style, I guess. In high school, I took German. This has served absolutely no purpose in my life, other than translating some scary music lyrics by a German heavy metal band. Even that was inexact: "I think they're saying something about blood, and then that word is 'hate'." Why did I spend 3 fruitful years of high school and one and a half of college "learning" German? Follow the high school logic here: everyone else I knew (except best friend, Andrea, who took French) was taking Spanish and lots of people knew Spanish, so I wasn't going to take Spanish. Therefore, German, because it seemed more obscure and alternative.

In college, I realized that the fact that everyone knows Spanish would make Spanish a desirable skill. Plus, I was majoring in sociology with the potential future career option of social work. So, I signed up for Spanish in my junior year of college. I made it 3 weeks before dropping. Why? I was in a Monday, Wednesday, Friday 8am Spanish class and I almost never made it to class on time. Hilarious looking back on it. It's not like I was staying up late studying or partying.

I managed to fake my way through college German - earning a whopping 1 semester of credit for my 3 years of high school German because of my poor performance on the German entrance exam.

Now I understand the value of knowing other languages. My brain just isn't built that way. I have a very poor recall for vocabulary. I can read some German words and know what they mean, hear less German words and know what they mean, but remembering the words on my own to try to speak German. Nope.

(I actually have had much better recall with sign language, so any readers who know about multiple intelligences and brain workings may be able to give me some insight into myself upon hearing that.)

And now, preparing for Haiti, I find myself in a position where learning basic French expressions and some important phrases would be extremely beneficial. I have no understanding at all of the French alphabet. How, for example, does Carrefour (which in my mind is pronouced "Car-4") come out as "Kah-foo"? Baffled.

I checked out a 3 CD set of basic French from the library, which also includes a little textbook. Let me tell you, the only thing more difficult than trying to learn a language is trying to learn a language by listening to a CD while also listening to the angelic sounds of two toddlers fighting over yogurt.

Adventures on Ambien - Part 2

2010-04-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Apparently I had a pretty funny conversation with Eric two nights ago after taking my Ambien to help me sleep. Typically on evenings I take the sleeping pill, I read for 5-10 minutes and then harmlessly pass out until morning. But two nights ago, Eric didn't come to bed until after the 5 minute mark and then we started talking about things. At some point it seems I crossed over into crazy Ambien world while we were talking.

Good timing. The same day there was a guy in the news for making a threat on a trans-Atlantic flight headed to the US. Oops! Turned out he took EIGHT Ambien at the start of the flight, and that is where some people are looking to find the rationale for the threatening behavior/statements. Talk about an "Ambien Adventure".

In comparison, mine is pretty tame, but still funny (at least to me and Eric). Below is the dramatic recreation based on what Eric recapped for me the following morning. Of course, I have no memory of most of this.

So, we were talking about his trip to Portland, a three hour drive he'd be making the next morning. I remember him talking about his schedule and what he'd be doing while he was there. Then, as I crossed into crazy world, I decided it was necessary that he take my car to Portland.

"But, it really needs the highway miles!" I insisted.

Well aware of my altered state, though I guess I probably looked pretty normal, he said, "I can't take your car. Remember? My car only fits one car seat." [His car is older and the seatbelt configuration can't hold both our car seats at the same time.]

"That's ok," I replied. "I don't have to go very many places while you're gone."

(Eric looks at me like I am an idiot)

"But, even if you have to go ONE place, you still can't fit the kids in my car."

Apparently I was working really hard to convince him that he needed to take my car. The next morning he gave me props for my tenacity and "creative" persuasive skills. "Unfortunately for you, you didn't make any sense and your arguments didn't work."

Lost in the landscaping

2010-04-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

I logged on to blog this morning and discovered it has been a month since I last wrote. *hanging head in shame* All I can say is that I have been overcome by a busy life. Not a moment to spare for a random thought to float through my mind, much less to snatch on to it and direct it through my fingers. And yet, I may be worn out, but I am coming through to the other side.

Let's go back a month...

Eric and I spent his spring break working on our backyard landscaping. We had ambitious plans for the week and pushed ourselves to the limit to get almost all of it done. Starting Saturday, we woke up, got the kids dressed and fed, and then basically spent the rest of the day until dinner hard at work.

In the end we cut out almost a quarter acre of sod, moved some, hauled the rest away in 3 very full trailer loads and then unloaded them. Talk about sore! We tackled the unusable, weedy dog run and made it clean and useable. Eric moved or capped around 8 sprinkler heads. We replaced sod in the flooded part of the yard. We marked area for our patio extension. We ordered and received 5 trucks of mulch, 1 truck of gravel and 1 truck of playground chips. Spread all of that lovely ground cover. And, in the last 2 weekends we built the kids play structure. We've gotten bids and scheduled work for the patio extension and concrete curbing. We've priced trees for our landscaping.

Some pics...

Before....

During...

After...

I will admit that during our work, there were many times that we concluded we were really insane to take on such a big project on our own. Two thoughts kept me going:

Number One, the logical rationale: We are doing these improvements on a tight budget and the more work we do ourselves, the further we can stretch our money when making these changes. I kept saying, "We could be paying someone $30/hr. to be doing this for us." True, after loading 2 trailers full of sod and seeing we had another load left, the following thought was, "$30/hr really isn't that unreasonable!" But, we pressed on and our reward is that we actually have some money left for some trees and flowers!

Number Two, the illogical, but more fun, rationale: As I was chucking sod on to the trailer, I was reminded of multiple challenges on The Amazing Race that essentially involve "finding a needle in a haystack" and how some of those tasks apparently go on for hours and hours. I decided to think of the sod carrying and throwing as a task from The Amazing Race. "If I load all of these sod rolls before the other team, I will get to the mat first and hear Phil say, 'Amanda and Eric, you are the first team to arrive! You have won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!'" Looking back now, I was clearly insane from exhaustion. But, at the time, it was the quirky motivation I needed to press on.

However we got through it, a majority of our backyard work is now complete. It has been really nice the past few days to be able to go out there in the sun and really take pleasure in the yard we created.

The Final Frontier

2010-03-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Our backyard... the final frontier. A land of infinite possibility. Limited only by... our meager budget!

One of the things we loved about our house when we looked at it last spring was how big the backyard is. A big, flat rectangle with almost no landscaping to personalize it, unless you count weeds!

We've spent our first 9 months here talking about all the possibilities for our backyard. We have a fairly large playstructure in boxes in the garage, waiting to be built. Otherwise, we have done very little with the yard to this point.

All that changes in the next few days! Plans are being made. We are going to be expanding the landscaped edges of the yard, putting down mulch, maybe adding a few plants and trees. Eric's mom, landscape designer extraordinaire has drawn us a few plans to look at as an end goal. It will take time for us to get there. But I am really excited that we are at least starting!!

Today the kids and I hit Walmart, Home Depot and a local nursery to price out some of the items we are going to need for our big backyard project. By the end of the week, we should have an estimate for concrete edging for the borders. (Who knows if we can afford it? We like what it looks like and more than half of the homes in our neighborhood have it, so it would put us "on level" with the rest of the yards around us.)

Here is a sneak peak of our two plans/options.

So excited, and ready to do some hard work!

5 Secrets of Mom-hood

2010-03-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

1. Guilt is as accurate as a thermometer for diagnosing illness.

I'm actually talking about myself here, not my kids. They aren't old enough for that yet. Someday...

I don't get sick very often, and when I do it is usually just run of the mill bugs - cold, sinus infection, allergies. As a stay at home mom, there is no "time out" button, or "day off" option. This has allowed me to develop a very discriminating system for determing whether I consider myself "sick" or not. Guilt. If I am sick, but have the energy to feel guilty about all of the everyday things I am not doing (playing with the kids, housework, cooking), I am not officially sick. When I stop caring about that stuff, then I get to wear pajamas all day and make Eric cook!

2. Birthdays for small children are about parents more than kids.

I will never forget my daughter's first birthday. What a momentous occasion! Her first bite of cake. Her first "party". She had no idea what was going on, of course. Frankly , I think the idea of a party for a 1 year old seems silly. But we had the party and I learned secret number 2. It was all for me! All of those cheering people and friends gathering around thought they were applauding my daughter on her big day. Nope! I was off in the kitchen getting more paper plates and soaking in the positive vibes. I survived my first year as a mom! (And, at that point I was close to 5 months pregnant with my son, so that was with extra emphasis on survived) Every birthday party I have attended since my daughter's has brought this memory to mind and I always take time to say a little prayer for Little One's mom. Thank you that she survived the year too! If I've attended a birthday party for your child, know that I was there thinking of you! Do other moms feel this way? Not sure. No one else has ever really talked to me about this. But I definitely feel like that first birthday welcomes moms into a new club... we are surviviors of our children!

3. Moms are always fabulous!
My daughter taught me this one. Whenever I ask her how I look, no matter if I'm wearing pajamas, workout clothes or a party dress, she always describes me in glowing terms. Her mommy is always "beautiful", "a princess", "fabulous", "fancy" and/or "very gorgeous". She must only see the best parts of what is inside me!

4. Moms don't have secrets.
Bought a latte at the grocery store this morning? My coffee-disapproving husband is sure to hear about it when he gets home from work. Not that I ask the kids to keep secrets from anyone. We don't even discuss such things and I would never ask them to do something like that. But one would think that they might forget some insignificant details of our day, like that I got a caramel latte at the store. But, no. Hours later, something conspires against me and suddenly my kids are ordering "caramel lattes" from each other in the play kitchen. Or telling Daddy about how they got to have ice cream on the way to softball practice. They can't remember what they did today, but they can remember that my coffee was "iced" or that I accidentally said "dang it" when I stubbed my toe.

5. What a limited understanding of "love" we have!

My mind cannot comprehend all of the different kinds of love I have experienced in my life. Loving your parents, loving your sibling, loving a pet, loving friends, being "in love" as a teenager, romantic love, the love you share with your husband or wife... (my husband might add "loving your car", but I don't really get that one!) None of it prepares us for the love we feel for our kids. No books or advice from other moms can describe it either. How fully I love my daughter! And when I was pregnant with our son, I worried about how my heart would have room for him. And then, he was here and there was a full heart of love for him too! That love gave me a much greater appreciation for my own parents, as I can only now hope to understand how they love me. And thinking about that makes me think about God. How great is His love for us beyond even this? Uncomprehensibly great! Fullness beyond fullness.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

St Patrick's Day 5K

2010-03-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

My first 5K was last Saturday. I had my IPod with my playlist all set up and talked with Eric and some friends before the race. That helped keep me calm. I was really worried about going out too fast and I think my concern about it balanced the pull of the pack of runners and I ended up right around the speed I had been running while training. The hardest part about this race for me: I do well running outside when I look ahead a block or more. But when you're running in the middle of a pack in a race, looking ahead that distance all you see is... more runners. So that was a difficulty. And then when I realized that was throwing me off a little, I admit it, I did start to panic. The middle part of the course turns on to a paved trail that was pretty narrow (maybe 3 people could fit across it if they were careful) and that got a little chaotic as I reached that part still in a pack and not soon after started encountering the super fast sprinter runners returning from the out-and-back. Apparently, those speedy gentlemen have not all learned the rules about staying to the right, because there was a lot of zig zagging and avoiding going on. But as we got about a mile in, the large group I was with started thinning out and then it wasn't as congested.

I ended up finishing in 32:56 -- about a 10:30/mile. The funny (or embarassing, depending on how competitive I'm feeling at the time) thing about that pace is I ended up running with 2 distinct groups of people. About 1/2 were people like me: plugging along slow and steady, not in peak running condition but not huffing and puffing. The other 1/2 were men and women who were like I USED to be: I'd be going along and out of no where some random person would sprint past me from behind. Then about a minute later, I'd pass them as they are walking off to the side. A few minutes later... same person would sprint past again! A minute later, walking on the side. There were actually quite a few people working this "tactic". I tried to give the benefit of the doubt -- maybe these people are doing Couch to 5K and they are only on week 2 or something? Eric says, "No, those are people who don't know how to run." He finished 44th overall, so I believe him. (I finished 111th out of 285 women overall, 45th out of 102 in my age group -- not that bad for my first time! AND, I finished before the winner of the 10K, so that's a little encouraging, I think.)

So, I made it through the whole race without walking or throwing up. I was cold for the rest of the day. But, I woke up the next morning with only minimal soreness. Looking for a race in May or early June now. Thinking about trying to head down to Bend the first weekend in June for the Heaven Can Wait 5K that supports breast cancer research. Get my run on in Drake Park!

Mornings with my girl

2010-03-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy mornings with my big girl, L. She will be four years old in a few months. L is a strange combination of "morning person" and "slow to wake up". She is regularly awake by 6:30am and would come bounding out of her room, if not for her "light up clock". But then once she is up, she's usually very mellow and snuggly. She doesn't like to eat much in the morning, takes forever to get dressed, and lays around on the floor near her mommy or daddy.

Because Little Man sleeps in (at least compared to L), we have a little bit of time each morning where it is just Mommy and Big Girl. We have a nice routine going. It is one of my favorite parts of the day - also, coincidentally one of the quieter and more calm parts of the day.

Usually by the time her light up clock releases her into the world at 7am, I am getting dressed in the bedroom. L likes to climb into the big bed and get under the covers, or sometimes just follow me around the room. Typically there is some kind of "embarassing if it were out in the real world" comment about the color of my underwear, whether my pants fit, etc. Then once I am dressed, I say, "How do I look?" Before she can answer, it is very important that I stand back across the room from her so she can look me up and down.

This morning I dressed for our softball practice this afternoon. I said, "How do I look? Do I look like a coach?" Her answer: "You look like...a coach. And... very fancy. And... Beautiful."

Then it's her turn to get dressed. It doesn't matter how tired she has been up to this point, she always gets very worked up when it comes to getting dressed, especially if it's a school day! I sit on the bed and watch her spin around the room like a whirling dervish as I repeat over and over again, "Take off your jammies, please. Take off your jammies, please. Take off your jammies, please." Most days she chooses her own clothes. Her fashion sense is uniquely toddler. She has very firm ideas about what matches and what clothes need to be paired together, and apparently I didn't get the memo about the guidelines in this area. Today I tried to pick her outfit and was scolded for "not matching", and then she proceeded to choose the socks that were least likely to fall into the matching category.

Perhaps she doesn't know what "matching" is? In any case, she likes it. Outfit is almost always completed with "lighting shoes".

As she gets dressed, L shares with me whatever thoughts run through her head. It is during this time of the day that she seems like a little girl and I inevitably start thinking about the years to come and talks in the bedroom and the period of time where I won't even be allowed in to her bedroom, much less expect her to talk to me about her thoughts. Aaah... Today she told me about a dream she had - there was a kitty and I was there ("Were you really there?") and then she "thought about" her teacher. We talked about her best friend and the book her YaYa got her at the school book sale. We talked about the bruise on her face from where she fell off the bleachers at school last night. We talked about going to Bible study this morning and playing with her friends there.

Today when she stood back for her "how do I look" moment, she said, "Tell me the same thing I told you." So I told her she looked like a coach, and very fancy, and beautiful. She was happy to hear it.

And, the final step of the morning, going downstairs to get her "blend" out of the refrigerator. Her daddy leaves her a small cup with his leftover smoothie each morning, and it is a highlight of her day.

5K Playlist

2010-03-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

If my husband can run in an Elvis costume, I can run with my IPod!

I've been running to a Couch to 5K podcast and the music seems to help me a lot. So last night I endeavored to create a playlist for my first 5K, which is on Saturday. I probably made it more complicated than I needed to. I tried to keep the beat of the songs relatively similar, which led to the dismissal of some songs that I really like. But I have found the songs that meet my criteria: songs I enjoy, appropriate beat, and songs that I think will distract me, if necessary. I'm sure that more than one person will hear me singing outloud while I'm racing Saturday. Hopefully I won't bother anyone!

I aimed for about 35 minutes of running songs, since my goal is to finish in 35 or less. Then the last song is my cool down song. It always reminds me to breathe, think about my accomplishments and thank God for what He's provided for me.

Without further ado, my 5K playlist...

"Shut Up & Let Me Go" - The Ting Tings

"Billie Jean" - Michael Jackson

"Ready to Go" - Republica

"Tambourine" - Eve (I could only find a sample of the explicit version, but I have the clean version on my playlist)

"Local God" - Everclear

"Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" - Beyonce

"Grace Kelly" - Mika

"Dead Man (Carry Me)" - Jars of Clay

"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" - Pat Benetar

"Live Like We're Dying" - Kris Allen

Cool Down (hopefully!): "Born Again" - Third Day

What do you think?

Hustling

2010-03-08T13:37:00.000-08:00

Running, running and running...

This week is my official first week of spring. Newness abounds!

We've been blessed with about a week and a half of beautiful spring weather - high 50's, low 60's and SUNNY! Aaahh... I've been working in our backyard, prepping the ground for the building of the new, gigantic play structure. Planning out some landscaping changes (waiting on Eric's mom for help!). Last week I was thinking, "I really need to start thinking about how to make a raised bed vegetable planter" and what do you know? The next day in the paper there was an article about how to make a raised bed vegetable planter! One of the many things on my plate.

Saturday is my first real 5K. "Real" meaning my first 5K that I actually plan to run in it's entirity. I have to admit that 8 weeks ago or so when I started training to do this, I didn't really think I could. And now I am 5 days away from greatness! In 2 weeks I've gone from running 1.7 miles outside with a pretty strong side cramp at the end to running just short of 3 miles with no side cramp at all! I have confidence. And I love the sense of disbelief that I have had every single time when I have checked my mileage (either with my car or on this site my friend Hailey told me about: Map My Run). I check mileage AFTER I have run and every time I make myself double check for accuracy because it doesn't seem possible that I actually ran that far! And, more importantly, I ran that far without passing out, puking, major side or knee pain. I am actually enjoying this! Hooray! I've been keeping track of my runs at Log Your Run because I'm a "keeping track" kind of person.

Also today... first day of softball practice! Yep, I've committed myself to 8 weeks of after school practices and games. Thankfully a school mom is going to help me with the kids so that is a big stress taken care of (thank you, Pam!) - not having to worry about teaching middle school girls to pitch AND make sure my kids aren't running around in the street or throwing themselves off the school playground.

Getting ready for these first practices, looking through equipment, etc. has remined me of "the good old days" of playing softball, of pretty much living softball. The song above was one of the songs I used to listen to pre-game in college before pitching warmups. It still keys me up to this day. Sad. I guess I've become "mom who relives the glory days by coaching". The strangest thing about reminiscing about old softball stories, victories and defeats, friendships and all the rest is that I didn't meet my husband until after I graduated from college and finished playing softball. He has never seen "Softball Amanda", though I'm sure at this point the hardcore, competitive softball fiend version of myself wouldn't surprise him. I am hoping that this will be the first step in developing some competitive, softball loving, hardcore middle school girls! (Maybe not quite as competitive or hardcore as I was at this age. I might get fired if they do some of the things I did!)

This will be an interesting experience for me, to be sure. The girls are in middle school, but many have never played organized softball before. Lots of chances to teach fundamentals. Lots of chances to use the word "hustle". I was thinking it might be fun to pick a practice at random and say "hustle" as many times as I can and see if anyone says anything. You know, keep things exciting for myself!

I went past the field around lunchtime and found that it has been torn apart by the grounds crew. Practice plan, scrapped. I won't know until I get there in an hour or so what, if any, of the field will be in usable condition. Welcome to the first practice, ladies! Here's a big mound of dirt!

A couple of pictures from my college softball days. I have tons more, but don't know how to work our scanner!

That's me, batting!

Post game, me and my catcher, Lori. We're showing off matching knee bruises. Hard to see here, but I've actually got stitching marks from the ball on my right knee.

The First Date

2010-03-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

8 years ago today, Eric and I went on our first date. The date is easy enough to remember - today is also Eric's sister's birthday. Happy birthday, Lindsey!

Eric and I were in a Master's cohort together and also teaching in neighboring classrooms at a tiny private elementary school on the south side of Chicago. We were probably spending 95% of our awake time together (or at least in the same place in the case of teaching at school). Though we had an instant "connection" and became close friends quickly, we did not go on our first date until about 10 months after we first met.

There were a few akward hiccups on the road to that date but we were having a nice time as we headed up towards where I grew up to go ice skating and spend the day around my hometown. As I recall, we had a pretty good time ice skating. Neither of us were very good, but there was plenty of skating going on. At least we weren't skating holding on to the half-wall or anything.

As the skating session was coming to an end, we were getting ready to finish up and I decided we should take one more trip around the ice. There it was - the crucial decision made. About 3/4 of the way through that last loop, I hit a chunk in the ice and fell forward. My left skate caught on the right pant leg of my jeans. I fell with my legs in a "4" shape, straight on my left knee.

My immediate reaction was actually, "Could anyone be more embarassing than me?", as the skating rink guy came skating over to see if I was ok. The next thought... pain.

Eric and Skating Rink Guy helped me skate over to the side on one foot. My knee hurt, but weirder was that the skate on my left foot suddenly seemed to weigh about 500lbs. It was so heavy I couldn't lift it and it felt like it was weighing down my entire leg.

I was given an ice pack and a brief evaluation by Skating Rink Guy, who announced that it was a bad bruise and went on his way. I couldn't put on my shoe without crying out in pain. Attempting to walk was ridiculous. Eric went to get his car.

Then the party really got started --- while we were inside skating it had begun to snow... hard. A thick, blizzardy, "sane people aren't going out on the roads" snow.

When I could barely bend my knee to get into Eric's little Toyota, we decided that I needed to see a doctor. Off to the emergency room we went. I wasn't in tears but was in the most pain I had ever felt at that point. Initially, it seemed the doctors agreed with Skating Rink Guy's conclusion -- bad bruise. But they decided to send me to get x-rays just to confirm. They asked me to rate my pain on a 1-10 scale. I think I said "6 or maybe 7", which apparently is the border between a high dose of Ibuprofen and "the good stuff". Insert suspicious glances from nurses looking for drug seekers here.

The hospital staff was very nice and let Eric come back with me to the exam room. We both giggled a little that people seemed to think we were more "together" than we actually were. "Maybe they know something we don't... hee hee hee..."

I was unable to get my leg into all the positions for the x-rays they wanted. In particular, laying on my back with my knee bent so my foot was flat on the table was a problem. After an attempt at forcing it, the merciful technician said, "We'll let them take a look at what they have and if it isn't enough we will try again." Thank goodness. I waited the couple of minutes for someone to come get me with the wheelchair.

When I wheeled into the exam room, Eric was a little pale. "So, it's broken, huh?" he said. "WHAT?" Apparently the nurse got to the room before me and had already shared my diagnosis with him -- broken patella. So now we know, it is possible to break your kneecap from something other than a mafia hit (though I did tell a few people that is what happened).

My first broken bone other than a toe. My patella broke into a peace sign. The doctor praised my overall conditioning/strength. Apparently falls like mine typically result in torn tendons and ligaments around the knee, but my ligaments and muscles were strong enough that they held and as a result the stress went straight to my kneecap. To this day I don't know if that was actually a good thing. Did I get the better end of the bargain?

With a prescription for Vicodin, Eric shuttled me and a giant leg brace around town trying to find a pharmacy that was open late on a Saturday in a blizzard. Eventually we found one. We headed over to my mom's house and found that she was not home and wouldn't be until very late.

Eric made me a Digornio pizza and we watched "True Lies", classic Arnold - my first time seeing the movie. I sat in a drugged up stupor while Eric rubbed my feet, held my hand and felt uncomfortable about being alone in a house with me while I was in a vulnerable state.

He was an excellent nurse and very honorable, for the record.

Eight years later, we have plenty of stories of botched dates, botched anniversaries, overlooked special occasions. By far, this is our most extraordinary milestone story. How many people spend their first date in the emergency room in a blizzard?

Sister shares the Good News

2010-03-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

This morning the kids were playing "Happy Birthday", one of their favorite games. They wrap random items in towels or napkins and give them to each other as birthday presents, sing the birthday song, open the present and cheer.

Today, my "almost 4" year old gave her little brother a present and this time she also gave him a card. What she said was so cute that I had to write it down:

"B, God wrote you this card. It says, 'Do not worry. When you pray I am with you. I am with you all the time... even when you are outside.'"

Very wise!

On the Road...

2010-02-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

Today was a historic day! I bet you were eating lunch or watching USA vs. Canada hockey and didn't even realize that I was out changing the (my) world!

Today in my training for the 5K in two weeks, I moved from treadmill running to running outside. Not only that, but today's training run is the biggest hurtle in the Couch to 5K running program. The dreaded "Week 5 Day 3" -- running continuously for 20 minutes. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but "Week 5 Day 2" is two 8 minute runs with 5 minutes of walking in between. Kind of a big difference for those of us in the limited running ability category. But... I did it! And I did it on my first run outside! I have to admit, I was pretty intimidated by everything I had heard about adjusting from treadmill running to running outside. And it didn't help that Eric ran right before me and came home complaining about how much his legs were hurting. I can't recall the last time I ran for 20 straight minutes, and am not sure I have ever run this far outside without walking in my entire life. That's a pretty big accomplishment, right?

Observations from my first run outside:

* I found myself able to think about something other than running! When I run on the treadmill, I become obsessed with the amount of time I've been running (or the amount of time I have left). The time obsession kicks my panic response into overdrive and I start to tense up, worrying that I won't be able to run as long or far as I'm supposed to. Outside, I spent time worrying about being hit by a car (surrounding neighborhoods don't have great sidewalks/bike lanes), looking at horses, enjoying the sunshine on my face, checking out upcoming terrain... even composing this blog! I was able to really listen to and appreciate the music on my IPod, which hasn't really been happening often when I run on the treadmill.

* At first, I thought I couldn't do it! Those first few steps were scary. And I'm not just talking about the familiar "I really should have gone to the bathroom before I started this!" thought. I expected the same result I have had over and over when it comes to running. In short, I expected to run one block and then feel like I couldn't breathe or lift my legs. But then I made it through that first block and I remembered I've been practicing for this! I may not have great form, and I may not have been running very fast, but I was doing it!!

* I set smaller goals for myself. I think my dad probably gets the credit here. I don't have a specific recollection of him teaching me to do this, but a vague sense that he did. Or maybe it's just because he ran when I was growing up. Anyway, I do well when I get to accomplish something, so I like setting small goals along the way to the end goal. And that is what I did today. Once I survived that first block, I set a goal about a half a mile away. And then I didn't think about it again until I got there. When I got there and realized I could breathe and move and keep going, I was really proud of myself!

* I knew I could make it! I didn't run wearing a watch on purpose so I wouldn't know how much longer I was supposed to run. But Eric and I had talked about a route for my run (keeping in mind my approximate speed), so I knew when I made the turn back towards our neighborhood that I had to be about half way. And that last stretch to home was a long straight path where I thought about my upcoming 5K. I had a pretty good stitch in my side at that point, but my legs felt good and I just kept telling myself "keep on moving" and "you are going to do this!" And I knew I could do it. Not only that, but I know now that I have a really good chance of running the entire 5K on the 13th. I know I can do it.

NBC Olympics coverage conspires to steal much needed sleep

2010-02-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

I have always been a big fan of the Olympics. I remember watching every minute of figure skating as a kid. I remember Rosalynn Sumners competing in the Olympics when I was 7. I loved it enough that I love the movie Ice Castles (which I just found out is being remade soon INCLUDING a remake of Melissa Manchester's Through the Eyes of Love).

So, it drives home all of the things I have been hearing from friends about how horrible the Olympic television programming is this year. Last night they didn't start showing the women's skating here until well past 10pm. I'm pretty sure my parents weren't keeping me up that late to watch figure staking while I was in elementary school. Pretty much nightly I sit down to watch the Olympics, check out the little blurb on the "info" about what will be showing and am moderately to very interested in what it says will be on in primetime. But every night I have been disappointed as the programming during the hours I am normally still awake (8-10pm) includes highlights of snow dogs or ice fishing and "thrilling" events like cross country skiing or ski jumping (my least favorite winter Olympics sport).

Seriously, I know I am a stay at home mom and a person who tends to need more sleep than average, but does the average person REALLY stay up until midnight so they can watch figure skating or speed skating? I'm truly perplexed. Maybe I just have a really warped sense of what other adults are doing at their houses while I am fast asleep.

Comfort and Perspective

2010-02-23T14:10:00.000-08:00

Since the fall, I have been involved in a Friday morning Bible study focusing on Job. I have to admit, when I learned that Job was the focus of the school year length study, I was a little disappointed. I have tended, in the past, to view Job as a "bummer" book. Lots of long-winded complaining and arguing, misunderstanding God, suffering.

The study we are using is called Job: Lessons in Comfort, and has changed my mind about the book of Job. In addition to really focusing on the specifics of the arguments, the study connects Job to God's promises, both in the form of His covenant with His people and also Job's request for an "arbitrator" who comes later in the form of Jesus. And the book is strong in the area of application. How can we use the lessons from Job to learn to comfort others and find comfort for ourselves?

Many times in the past months I have thought about how timely this study has been for me. True, my comfort needs have been minimal, but my opportunities to comfort have been many. It seems like every other week someone close to us has been diagnosed with cancer, suffered a serious heart ailment, had a miscarriage, lost a job, lost a loved one or something similarly life-shaking.

How to respond to those that are in need of comfort? I still have a lot to learn, but the key points from our discussions so far include:

* Be willing to silently mourn when needed
* Offer support in whatever way is needed
* Remember our brothers and sisters in prayer
* Keep focus and hope on Jesus
* Learn God's promises and understand that they are solid

Throughout the course of the past few months of working on this study, I have also gotten some enhanced perspective on my own problems. Having a busy husband and two toddlers is hardly a "problem" compared to what other people are facing. Struggling with anxiety is a chance to come to God in vulnerability and know that He makes things right. Last Sunday, our Pastor's sermon was taken from Psalms 42 & 43 and focused on attributes of prayer, but he said one thing that really stood out from me as I've been thinking more about the idea of comfort and perspective:

"Think about this: What are you so down in the dumps about? Did God fall from His throne in heaven?... Did God stop loving you?... Did His grace run out?"

Praise God, the answer is no. And really, those are the questions that matter.

My commitment to overcommitting

2010-02-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

I've been away for awhile. Living the busy life of a mom - sick children, sick me, busy husband, travel with husband (and kids) for school competition, training for a 5K, book club, etc. etc. etc.

Our family is now well into the 6th month we have been living here. Know what that means? Time for me to start committing myself to way more things than I can probably handle! Why? Because I like too many things and lots of people/groups need helpers with time, something that I have, at least in theory.

******
o·ver·com·mit (ō'vər-kə-mĭt')
v. o·ver·com·mit·ted, o·ver·com·mit·ting, o·ver·com·mits
v. tr.
To bind or obligate (oneself, for example) beyond the capacity for realization.
*****

I kind of like this definition because of the use of the word "realization". It calls to mind REALITY and REAL. As in, can I REALLY expect to do all of these things, in REALITY?

I'm currently playing with the idea of committing (overcommitting?) to two fairly large, but short term, responsibilities at our church/school: head softball coach for the middle school and Vacation Bible School coordinator.

Softball coach:
+ desperately needed, I love softball and have some skills (or at least I did 10 years ago when I last played!)
- problems with what to do with my kids during games and practices

VBS coordinator
+ in the past the church has apparently had trouble finding a coordinator for this, it's up my alley in the "organizing, planning" skill set
- I am totally unfamiliar with VBS and the amount of work scares me

In both cases, it would be cool to do something to help provide a good program for some of the BL kids and I'd get to know more BL families and moms better. And, in both cases, it would mean adding significant time to a new commitment when I sometimes feel like I'm barely holding it together as it is.

Thinking, thinking...

Ability to Estimate = Cool New Toy for the Kids!

2010-02-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, my mom and I took the kids to the Tri-Cities Family Expo. Eric was working at the booth for the school and we walked around playing and collecting up info from different programs and resources for children and families in our area. Got lots of free goodies!

One of the big draws at some of the booths was a "Guess how many..." contest. I guessed how many M&M's were in a giant glass container at the RDO Equipment booth (while the kids sat in kid sized John Deere equipment). Yesterday I found out I won 2nd place!!!

Here is what we won...

A John Deere Radio Controlled Dozer!!

Little Man is scared of mechanical noises, so he is less than pleased with the prize at this point. In the store when the manager gave it to us and showed me how to use it, he cried and said, "I don't like that toy, Mama!" Luckily he will get used to it!

Thank you RDO Equipment for the cool prize!! We're going to get years of use out of this bad boy!

5K Training Update

2010-01-31T18:39:00.000-08:00

I have been following the Couch to 5K running plan for the last few weeks. One of my big goals that seemed pretty out of reach in the past has been to actually run an entire 5K. I have a pretty decent 5K time walking and pushing the kids in a double jogging stroller, but I haven't run a 5K since my dad forced me to run one with him (and my sister) when I was about 12. I did win a 3rd place medal for my age group... because there were only three of us entered.

My original "get serious" goal was to run the Fall Frolic that the school sponsors every fall. But I decided that the time is NOW and set a goal to try to run the St Patrick's 5K in March. Couch to 5K is a plan to help new runners go from "the couch" (not running at all) to being able to run a 5K in about 8 weeks.

I started off pretty well. I actually skipped week 1 because I am in pretty good shape, just not a good runner, and week 1 didn't seem like much of a challenge. I did fine starting with week 2. I found a free podcast on ITunes with Christian songs and cues for each week of the Cto5K plan. The music, however, was lame. It honestly sounded like a random guy with recording capability and a guitar singing his own songs.

When I moved up to week 3, I decided I needed to get more serious about the cue podcast I was using. I really need music that motivates me. Luckily, lots of people have successfully done Couch to 5K and lots of people create playlists with cues for each week. I found one that I like and that works well for me, though I haven't recommended it to friends because some of the songs are the unedited (profanity laced) versions. Pretty cool that I don't have to bother with keeping track of the time between when I start to run and am ready to stop. I would have a hard time if I had to literally count down the seconds until I got to be finished running.

This weekend I was supposed to start week 4. Because the time involved is only 8 weeks, there are a few times where you really jump up quite a bit in the amount of running you are doing. Going from week 3 to week 4 is one of those places. Last week, while running week 3, I felt pretty good. For the first time in... forever?... I was feeling like being ready to run a 5K in March, let alone this year, is actually possible. I was feeling that I can do it.

And now, a problem. I am having serious trouble with my feet and ankles. I'm sure it's form related, in addition to the newness of running. Doesn't help that I have pins in one kneecap, very high arches and historically weak ankles. I was taped daily for 3 years in college in order to work out, practice and play softball. Why it didn't occur to me that this would happen is beyond me. So, I'm in "athlete mode" now. I've hit the store for athletic supplies that "remind me of my youth" -- Mineral Ice, anyone?

Now my motivation is lacking. Or at least the positive mindset is faltering. I have found that if I take more than 2 days between runs, it is really hard to keep up with the progression of the Couch to 5K. I haven't successfully run now since Thursday, which means that more than likely I will have to restart week 3 again (or maybe even week 2) when I am able to run again. In the meantime, I keep making attempts. I do my stretching and warm up walking and make it through about a minute of running, feeling like I'm running with concrete legs and feet, before the pain is enough that I have to stop. And once again my goal of running an entire 5K seems so far away.

My plan is to take this entire week off from running attempts. Hopefully at least with that time off I will feel more comfortable overall, if not when I start trying to run again. I will probably register this week for the St Pat's 5K and, if it comes to it, I'll be prepared to walk/jog it. It'll still be progress towards the goal.

Facebook Conclusion? Lessons Learned...

2010-01-30T21:26:00.000-08:00

Today was day 2 of my "email Facebook daily asking for my account to be reinstated" plan. And this afternoon I convinced my husband to start a Facebook group called "Reinstate Amanda ______ _________'s Facebook Page!" in order to try to gather support for my cause. Astonishingly, Eric's little group, sort of a joke, had 30 members only a few hours later, some of whom are people who don't even know me! It was silly, but it made me feel loved.

So, maybe the mental energy worked because... I'm back on Facebook! I hestitantly logged on and am sure that at least a day or two will pass before I lose the fear that my every keystroke is being monitored somewhere in the world by a person planning to steal my identity.

To conclude my series of blogs about my Facebook adventure, here are a few things I've learned over the past few days:

1) Apparently Facebook has a bad reputation for disabling accounts without any explanation, and some of the time those accounts are never reestablished. Something to keep in mind when you start thinking of Facebook as an eternal keeper of photographs, memories, email addresses or important correspondence.

2) Facebook *may* bend to peer pressure. All I know is that I sent 2 emails yesterday and 1 today and have a tiny group of vocal supporters on Facebook and I am back, while a google search using the words "facebook", "account" and "disabled" shows many many cases that didn't resolve nearly as quickly. Just sayin'...

3) For a "big" social networking site, there are some pretty stupid problems they have that are readily apparent to an outsider. The first being the lack of even a standard email indicating they are taking action related to an account. The second, which I just learned, is this (and I'm kind of shocked by this one): Once you set up a security question and answer on Facebook, you can't change your question or the answer! Seems strange. I hurredly created a security question post-hack and, in fact, the answer I created for the question isn't even factually correct - luckily I remember what I picked as my answer! - and now that I have access to my account again, I thought I would again change my password and security question just to be safe. And I just read in the "help" section (again, not so helpful) that if a security question is established, it can't be changed.

4) View your Facebook page from the eye of a thief. Example: If your security question is "What is your mother's maiden name?" it isn't a good idea to have your mother's facebook page that includes her maiden name linked to your account under "relationships". Also not a good idea to make public your entire birthdate with year. I have already gone through and weeded out info that may be used by a hacker to access other sources.

Alright, time to let go of this Facebook stress for the night! Goodnight everybody!

I've been disabled by Facebook, but not while in London

2010-01-29T22:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I blogged the story of the hacking of my Facebook account. Someone used my account to ask for money (it went something like "Oh, poor me, I'm in London and I've been mugged. Send me money."). I thought it was all taken care of this morning, but early this afternoon my facebook account was disabled. Supposedly that is a result of the hacking and is some official measure they take while they investigate the security breech. At this point, I have no idea. The end result is that I don't have access to facebook anymore and my account doesn't currently exist. I have no way of knowing when, or if, I will have access to my account again.

I've been doing some websearching, in an effort to figure out if I will actually get my facebook page back eventually and have found that being disabled by Facebook is fairly common. And apparently it always happens without any kind of notification or warning. Doesn't that seem like a pretty major failing of such a large social networking site? What if I wasn't online at all yesterday and I didn't realize that my account was hacked? I would have attempted to log in today, found my account disabled and had no idea why. As it is, I received no response at all to the email I sent the "support" team, following a link in the barely-helpful-enough-to-escape-being-not-helpful "help" page. I continue to wonder if I will get my page back. Or maybe it will be a couple of weeks, in which time I will realize that Facebook isn't worth it anyway...

Getting hacked on Facebook

2010-01-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

I spent the morning in Stay At Home Mom world. Bubba was at preschool and I was home with Little Man, then we headed back to school to help out another mom get fundraising packets set up. Home for lunch. Not a very exciting morning.

Just after lunch my phone rang - my friend, Korina... "Hey Amanda, I thought you'd want to know that it looks like your Facebook got hacked. Unless you were just robbed in London, of course."

I had seen "spam" posted on pages through hacked facebook accounts. You know, where a friend posts on your wall something like "Check out my new website! ___________" and then it's a link for an obviously fraudulent site? And then the person gets embarassed a few hours later when they discover it and apologize profusely and I laugh a little to myself.

So I logged on to Facebook and, as I did, my phone rings again. My dad, calling from work on the other side of the country. Frantic, because my uncle just received an instant message from me on Facebook saying that Eric and I had been robbed, I'd been hit over the head, Eric's ankle was broken and... we need money right now. I assured him everything was ok and apologized that he was worried, and he didn't seem to believe that I am actually fine. Dad, I am fine!

Stranger than strange, I logged on to my Facebook page (and was, frankly, surprised that when someone hacks into your account they don't change your password so that it takes longer to correct things) and saw open instant message windows of some of my friends chatting with "me". And, there it was! I watched as "I" recounted the story of my mugging and how I became stranded and... how I need money right now... to two different facebook "friends" I haven't talked to in "real life" in about 10 years.

I immediately set to work changing my password and security info and, in the meantime, tried to post a status update warning people to steer clear of "me" for awhile. That status update, along with my most recent real statue update - about considering going to Haiti this summer to help with rebuilding - were immediately erased. Almost as fast as it posted, it was gone.

Password changed, security info changed, the next attempt to post a status warning stuck. So hopefully now no one else is being contacted by "me" asking for money. And hopefully no one actually sent the fake me money. Unfortunately for the hacker, I don't actually know many people with money to send people in an emergency! Lutheran school teachers, stay at home moms, missionaries and assorted social services workers are not exactly prime targets for money scams.

I'm not in the process of trying to figure out what other damage has been done to my facebook account. So far I know:

* At least 4 people were contacted via IM and told a story about me being mugged/robbed in London, Eric and I being injured, and needing money to get back "home"
* The 2 people who I know caught on to the scam were "unfriended" by "me" and I can no longer find them via a friend search to re-add them as friends. I don't know how many friends I had before, so I don't know if other people were "unfriended" or not.
* The link to this wonderful blog was erased from my profile page. Hackers? Are you reading this? Do you have something against my blog?
* My "thinking about Haitian missions" and "my house is full of crazy" status updates from the last couple of days are gone. Thank goodness they left "Sleep Talkin' Man"!

Anyway, that's all for now. As my dad said on the phone, "The strangest things seem to happen to you!" Definitely true. And, as always, it could have been much worse.

Edited to add: In case anyone else has this happen to them, I found my two unfriended friends on my "blocked user" list. After "unblocking" them, I had to re-request their friendship, but otherwise that was pretty easy to resolve.

A witness to God's love

2010-01-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

My heart has been very heavy for the people of Haiti since the massive earthquake that happened there about two weeks ago. Having young children, I am especially touched by the plight of the country's many orphans and adoptive families who are in other countries and have had to struggle to find their children, whom they were waiting to pick up and bring home at the time of the earthquake. I have been following the public information provided by God's Littlest Angels, a Christian orphanage and school operating in Petion-Ville, south of Port-au-Prince. GLA has recently been profiled on the national news because the US and Canada has finally issued humanitarian parole visas for the dozens of children who were already adopted but awaiting paperwork in order to be picked up from Haiti and taken to their new homes.

Isn't it funny the way God's timing works? This weekend, we had friends come for a visit from the town where we used to live. They recently brought home their two sons from Ethiopia. This was our first chance to meet the boys. The visit was scheduled just prior to the Haitian earthquake and was really an "info gathering" mission. Other friends of ours who live here adopted children through the same agency a couple of years ago and were the ones who helped get our visiting friends started with the process. And the older children living here still remember Amharic, the official language of Ethiopia and the language spoken by the boys.

We definitely looked forward to the visit from our old friends and seeing their two children that we have watched grow into teenagers. And, of course, we were excited to meet the two boys. But, even more so, this weekend was a gift to me and I really felt God's blessing as I prepared for our friends' visit. Difficult to explain. In some ways, our friends weren't really here to see us. The important part of the trip was for our friend's 8 year old boy to meet the Ethiopian children of our friends living here, to speak Amharic, to see a family that looked like his new one does, and to communicate without the stress of a new language. Our friends got to ask their son some important questions with the help of a teenage "interpreter". I wasn't a part of those conversations, but I sensed some necessary emotion and healing happened. And, what a blessing to be able to provide food and a place to land while that important "work" took place! What an amazing experience to see this family interact with each other in such an early stage, and to see their love for one another already!

I was brought to tears this morning when our friend told my husband (via facebook, of course!) that he felt like now that they made this trip to Kennewick he feels for the first time like they are actually "home" from Ethiopia. I cannot express my joy at being used by God to help facilitate that, even if it was only by making skillet potatoes and eggs!

Mopping with DJ Casper

2010-01-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

One of the things on my "To Do" list today was to mop my floor. I was not feeling it today. At all. I decided to start doing other things on my list and, in the meantime, turned on my IPod for background music. When I ran out of things to do other than mop, I cleared everything out and swept the floor. Nothing unusual, just very boring and not at all what I want to do on a day that screams "Get into comfy clothes and bundle up under blankets on the couch and watch 'You've Got Mail'".

No joke, as soon as I started mopping, the Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper started playing on my IPod!

And there I went, "sliding to the left" and "sliding to the right" as I mopped the floor. It actually made the whole experience enjoyable! I will most assuredly be Cha Cha Sliding my way through floor mopping in the future. A warning to those that might try it: it does take a little longer to mop when you do it this way. It's sort of hard to mop and also pull off "Hands on your knees! Hands on your knees!"

On Birth

2010-01-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

Where to begin?

The beginning... I am a mom, which means that I have been a pregnant woman. Twice, actually. During my first pregnancy, Eric and I were a pretty average American pregnant couple. I saw an OBGYN, took Lamaze at the hospital where I planned to give birth, took prenatal water aerobics classes once a week, and had a vague sense that I wanted to attempt to have my baby without pain medicine but an ingrained fear of what kind of pain that might mean having to bear. I had a very healthy pregnancy - some problems with sciatic nerve pain in my hip, and an "irritable uterus" after being in a car accident at 30 weeks. I happily registered for gifts and had multiple baby showers. I "went with the flow" and didn't question much.

My daughter was born via c-section at almost 41 weeks when I went in for a standard "past due date" ultrasound and non-stress test and they discovered she was breech. Not a single contraction. Time from when we discovered she was breech to the time she was born: about 3 hours.

Honestly, just like I had a routine pregnancy, I had a routine c-section. Some itching from the meds, but no trouble breastfeeding, healed quickly, L did well. We were home in the standard 3 days. I remember waiting to go in to the OR to be prepped and telling the nurse and my mom, "What happens after this? I didn't read anything about c-sections while I was pregnant!" My first post-delivery gift was a book about c-section recovery from my mom.

I've learned in the almost 4 years since then that my story is becoming the "standard American pregnancy" story. Pregnant women do not, in general, educate themselves about c-sections -- the recovery, the reasons a c-section might happen or, most importantly, the things we can do to avoid one. I do not believe all c-sections are unavoidable, by the way, but I think MANY are.

Yesterday on Facebook I posted this article about increasing c-section rates. I actually thought twice about posting it because I didn't want to offend anyone. Women are as defensive about their c-sections as they are about their parenting decisions. And, despite common stats that put the US c-section rate at 30-35%, a quick mental check of my friends who have had kids within the last 5 years puts the percentage of women I know who have had a c-section at closer to 75%. No kidding.

The sad thing about c-sections that is not mentioned in research based articles, is that often women who have c-sections really regret their birth experience, especially if they later find out their c-section was not medically necessary or they or their child suffer from one of many possible c-section related complications. I felt regret about mine, and my experience (missed frank breech presentation) is one that is typically placed in the "medically necessary" category (though I now disagree). Eric and I missed the chance to experience childbirth together with him as my partner. Instead my daughter was born while my arms were strapped to an operating table and Eric was peering over a curtain at my exposed body organs.

In my case, and in the case of many other women I know who had c-sections, it becomes a case of "If I only knew then..." After my daughter was born, Eric and I immediately knew we wanted to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). We spent my second pregnancy researching VBACs, natural childbirth, ways to reduce likelihood of a c-section, ways to avoid medical interventions during labor, etc. Both Eric and I became very passionate and pretty knowledgable about those kinds of things. And the funny thing is that we experienced a surprising amount of negative response from friends who could not understand why I wasn't "ok" with my c-section and/or why I didn't "just do what my doctor tells me" and have a repeat c-section. Um... because it's healthier for me and baby to have a natural birth?

It's a controversial topic, one written about more eloquently by others. I just wish that more women were educated about the facts related to c-sections and birth while they still have options to get to that birth experience they want for themselves. Instead, in our culture, it does usually end up as an "If I only knew then..."

Lovin' Fresh Friday

2010-01-08T13:06:00.000-08:00

I'm not very good at using coupons at the store, but I do like a good sale! Today I say HOORAY! for Yoke's Fresh Friday!

I got all of this...

for only...

That's right! $10.06!! 2 gallons of milk, 8 good sized bananas and 3 boxes of organic cereal!

I'll say it again, HOORAY! I love you Yoke's Fresh Friday!

Dusting your hutch is NOT a workout!

2010-01-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

Today I have a little rant about a pet peeve of mine. Those of you who do not live in Stay at Home Mom World may not be familiar with this phenomenon, but I think any SAH's reading this will relate. You either DO this, or it drives you as crazy as it drives me. (If any of my friends are reading this and do what I am about to describe, know that you personally do not drive me crazy, but I do think you're in a little bit of denial!)

Here we go... I can not stand it when people...

count cleaning the house as a workout!

I used to be on a discussion board for new moms trying to lose weight after baby. In that group, as some people do in "real life", we set goals for working out. Either days of the week ("I'm going to work out 3 days this week") or minutes ("I'm going to work out for 120 minutes this week"). Often "regular" people do this too. It's pretty common for people to set a schedule to go to the gym or run or whatever 3-5 days a week. Or, for stay at home moms, even once a week is sometimes a victory!

I think that is why it's so easy for the moms to enter into this crazyland of denial where everyday tasks suddenly count towards health related goals.

It is true. I have actually read workout posts from women that consist solely of info like the following:

"For today's workout I dusted my entire house and also vacuumed."

Seriously? All I can think is, "Man, that lady must have a gigantic house!"

I know I shouldn't care - it doesn't hurt me if random mom thinks she's done 20 minutes of cardio because she mopped her floor - but as someone who actually DOES work out, it does offend me a little bit. And it scares me that there are actually people out there who really think they are exercising simply by existing in their everyday world.

I live in a 2 story house and have walked up and down my stairs about 10 times in the 7 hours I've been awake today. Count 10 minutes of cardio for me!

Goals for 2010

2010-01-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

I'm about a week late here, but I have been thinking about some goals I have for 2010. Not "resolutions", more like things I'd like to do or work on for this year without the "fail" if some of these things don't happen, or don't happen as often as I would like.

1) Increase my focus on being "healthy and strong"

Eric and I often talk to L about being 'healthy and strong'. Better than talking about not eating junk food because of the chance of getting fat, we talk about how eating nutritious foods help us become healthy and strong. And how our minds can also be healthy and strong. So now it's my turn too. Instead of worrying about my weight or what size pants I'm wearing, if I'm "cheating" by eating a cookie, I'm going to try to spend this year focusing on making choices that make me feel better. I'm continuing to struggle with that distinction when it comes to cutting out sugar and refined flours (doctor prescribed nutrition plan) - I still feel like I'm "dieting" which automatically puts me in a mindset where I think about cheating or sneaking foods I shouldn't be eating, which leads to me eating those things, which leads to increased symptoms of yuckiness (joint pain, tiredness, etc.)
As I recently posted, I'm starting a new workout program, which I think will be good because it is in no way supportive of losing weight and being thin, but instead focuses on strength, flexibility, balance, agility, etc. All good things that will help me be a better mom too!

2) Cut back on tv & movies

I'm planning to make it a goal that at least one weeknight a week, Eric and I spend time actually engaging with each other instead of lounging in front of the tv, reading books, or spending time brainlessly on the computer. Talking, playing a game, doing a puzzle, whatever. Just some time for us to be together while we actually are, in fact, together!

3) Add some adventure

We don't really have the budget for serious adventure, but I want to try to do at least one thing a month as a family or just me and the kids that I would consider adventure. Things outside of the norm of our every day life. So maybe it'll be a day trip to someplace new or spending a few days building vegetable garden beds while the kids "help". Whatever it is, it'll be family time spent doing something new and exciting!

4) Put some money into savings

I'm the family budgeter and also am the one who spends a majority of our flexible funds each month on groceries, cleaning supplies and other necessities. One of the goals for this year is to move from "just getting by month to month" to actually being able to stash a little bit away at the end of each month. Or, simply writing those end of the month bill checks without feeling like I want to puke would suffice!

5) Become an intentional friend

I'm six months in to being brand new to this area and have started meeting and making some friends. Friend making is a weakness of mine (as in, I'm not good at it). I'm hard to get to know, and I know it, which makes me uncomfortable around new(er) people because I worry they are struggling to understand the puzzle that is my unique brain. But, enough of the excuses!
Isn't it wonderful to have intentional friends? You know, the ones who actually reach out and ask how you are doing? Who think of you at random times and say a prayer for you, or bring you a book or plate of brownies because they thought you might need/want them?
I am going to be one of those friends this year, not only to hopefully get to know my new friends here better, but also to reconnect with some old friends who I've lost touch with.

6) Read more good books

This one is actually a carry-over from 2009, but it's my blog so I set the rules! My mommy brain has really seemed to benefit from reading good books as often as possible. Well written books, books on topics that I find interesting, books that "everyone" is talking about. I love to read and, most of the time, reading is also a good way for me to wind down before bed. (A recent exception being The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad, which caused me to have really weird dreams three nights in a row that were loosely related to the book.) I plan to keep up with the good habit this year.

Pride in being a Puppy

2010-01-05T13:53:00.000-08:00

Before we moved here, I found a pretty nice weight lifting class at our gym that was tough, but not too tough, and made me feel like I was actually building muscle. I was sad to see it go when we moved out of state in late June 2009. Our new gym is a no frills, open 24 hours weight lifting and cardio club. No classes, minimal trainer interaction, but affordable and near our home. Since we joined, I've been doing cardio workouts there but have been missing the weight training.

Since I know the instructor of the weight lifting class I was taking sometimes stole workouts from Men's Health magazine, I decided to look in my free Shape magazines for workouts I could use when I go to the gym.

I was reading an interview with some buff trainer (or celebrity, I don't remember) who mentioned CrossFit being a challenging workout with lots of variability. I spent a couple of days checking it out and have decided to go for it!

In short, every day I'll be checking in for the Workout of the Day (WoD) which will no doubt be impossibly hard as it is geared towards adventure racers, marines, police and firefighters and extreme athletes. Luckily, they also scale down the workouts multiple times for "The Pack" (most people who have been doing WoDs for awhile) and "Puppies" (newcomers to CrossFit). I also recently discovered that pregnant athletes/maries/police/etc. and children are also Puppies. So, I guess I'm in good company!

Each workout of the day seems too simplistic when you look at it on paper, but then when you do them, they are really difficult. Full body workouts, varied daily, mixed in with varied cardio. I'm supposed to record not only the weights used, but also the time it takes to complete. Speed increases the cardio benefits and also shows an improvement in how much rest time is needed.

Yesterday for my very first WoD my Puppy-scaled workout was three sets of: 20 assisted pull up, 20 assisted dips, 25 squats for time. I ended up weighting the pull up/dip machine so that I was working against about 70lbs. Pretty lame. And even with that, I couldn't do all 20 in any set without failure. But, then again, when was the last time I did pull ups or dips? The goal is then to work towards eventually being able to do pull ups unassisted and then to move on to the real CrossFit unscaled exercise: Muscle Ups. (By the way, in watching CrossFit exercise demonstration videos, there is a remarkable consistency in the "hardcore rock"-ness of the accompanying music. I think maybe I need some Korn on my IPod before I can do an unassisted pull up!)

So, I did my sets yesterday, got remarkable sweaty considering I was only actually working out for 15-20 minutes and now today I am sore all over! Luckily they build some rest days into the program, because after tonight's WoD -- 5 rounds of: 400m sprint for time, 15 sit ups, 15 hip extensions -- I'm not sure I'm going to be able to move tomorrow!

The end goal? Keep myself interested in working out by changing up the exercises every day. Feel the day after soreness that comes from a good workout. Increase my muscle tone and self confidence. Impress my kids with my huge biceps!

On Fabulousness and Lack of Privacy

2010-01-04T12:16:00.000-08:00

Back to school time for Eric means back to blogging for me! I'm entering 2010 feeling pretty good -- those vitamin D suppliments must be working their magic...

This morning I got a glimpse of what life might be like for celebrities. The kids were busy eating breakfast so I decided I could spare a moment to go to the bathroom all by myself (a rare treat for a mom with 2 toddlers). The next thing I know, the door flies open and my 3 year old daughter is taking my picture with our digital camera! Talk about invasion of privacy!

On a similar "celebrity related" note, I was thinking this morning about some of the people I know who are, at least in my mind, "fabulous". You probably know people like this, if not in real life, then from television. Women who are in shape, fashionable, and always seem put together. We used to live in a town with many more of these people - Eric and I still call them "Bend Moms" for this reason. I think it's much harder to be "fabulous" when you are a mom than if you are, say, a young single woman with a well paying job and living in a trendy location.

Anyway, this morning I was thinking about those fabulous people and, in particular, fabulous moms. I admire the "put together-ness", not necessarily the "fashionable-ness", though my interest in that is probably only lessened because I am so hopeless in that area. I was wondering to myself, "How do these women BECOME fabulous?"

Is it magazines? I've been treated to a handful of free Shape magazines lately (long story) and wonder if I read more magazines whether I would suddenly have fuller, shinier hair and a desire for trendy high heeled, pointy toed shoes.

I really don't know the answer. How do people learn what is fashionable?

I realized, in thinking about this, that there is a major barrier to my attaining fabulousness, which is that I don't really care that much. I don't care enough to spend time every morning flat ironing my hair and applying a level of makeup that is actually discernable to passersby. The best I can hope for is an outfit that fits, without stains, and a little bit of mascara. Luckily, my husband and children seem to like me this way!

Christmas card plundering

2009-12-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, Eric and I managed to get our Christmas card and letter pile ready to mail. It is no small task trying to find decent looking pictures of all 4 of us, not to mention the fact that our Christmas card list is lengthy. This year, with our big move and Eric's promotion, we also included a letter, which we don't normally do.

Got to take a deep breath and relax once they were in the mail. Ahh... another Christmas task checked off the list!

Over the last few days, we've gotten reports from some of Eric's relatives in Colorado that their envelopes arrived open and emptied. What?

At first I suspected that the envelopes just came unglued, but we've ordered our photo cards from Costco for the last 4 years or so and have never had a problem with the envelopes opening. And, the three cards we heard about were all from relatives that live within about 10-15 miles from each other.

Our current theory is that someone at some point decided to open our Christmas cards hoping that they would find money. How sad is that? Thankfully it appears that after tearing through 3 of our cards, they got the picture that we weren't mailing anyone money. (Though, I did think that it would be nice for us if we could afford to put money into 175 Christmas envelopes!)

I felt bad because some of the people we send cards to, people who live in Colorado and hopefully weren't affected, are people we don't talk to regularly and probably won't hear from if the envelopes were opened and emptied. People like some of Eric's teachers he is still in contact with and who we like to update with pictures of the kids. Hopefully those letters made it through unscathed. And hopefully there is no one out there who thinks my brain is COMPLETELY empty and that I mailed empty envelopes for Christmas!

Cable Bridge Run 2009

2009-12-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

This morning, Eric and I participated in the 2009 Cable Bridge Run 5K. We actually got pretty lucky with the weather. It was 40F and misting on and off. We have been told that last year it was 7F when they ran the race.

This was my first time participating in a 5K that was organized by someone other than Eric's school. He ran and I walked with the jogging stroller. It was an interesting experience. I was herded towards the back because of my bulky stroller (not that I would have run anyway), and ended up waiting for the start of the race with a girl carrying a Starbucks coffee, a couple of people with tiny dogs, and a mom who had a toddler on her shoulders and actually RAN that way over the bridge!

It's funny to participate in events like this with the jogging stroller. There are lots of women, usually older women who have raised children it seems, who encourage me and say things like, "Good for you!" Lots of people asked if the kids were twins, a few people offered me a ride back to my car afterwards (when Eric went to get our car and I was alone with the kids), and there were a few people who were spurred on by the goal of not finished behind the lady walking with a giant double jogging stroller!

I actually did pretty well and passed people most of the race. I am not a runner, but I am super competitive, so I kept setting my sights on the next group of runners/walkers and keeping motivation that way. My goal was to do the 3 miles in 45 minutes -- which is a pretty quick pace considering the two kids plus the stroller meant I was pushing about 80lbs. I ended up finishing in 44.20, so I'm really happy with that.

Next year, I hope I'll be able to run the 5K since running one (without any walking) is a goal I have for 2010. Either way, it was fun to do it and cool to walk the bridge with a herd of other runners and walkers. Hopefully this will become an annual event for the family.

When Good Netflix Luck Turns Bad

2009-12-17T13:26:00.000-08:00

This week we had excellent Netflix luck! We had Inglourious Basterds at the top of our queue when it was released on DVD Tuesday. Normally a new release immediately turns into a "very long wait", meaning it will be a week or more until it's our turn to receive the movie. But this time we actually received the movie on the day it was released! Very exciting, especially since I was looking forward to seeing it and have been suffering through "eh" level movies the last few weeks.

Yesterday Eric was off from school because of a snow (ice) day, so while the kids were napping we decided to start our movie. It had trouble starting, but we assumed it was because it was a new Blu-Ray disc, so we updated our Blu-Ray settings online and started the movie.

We made it through the first 5-10 minutes of the movie when it froze. Midway through the first scene, just far enough in that Eric and I were starting to get engrossed. And then... nothing. Frozen. Turns out the disc had a little warp in it.

Disappointed, we reported the problem with the disc, which usually means they will send a new one the next day. But this morning Eric got an email that they couldn't send us a replacement and they didn't know when the movie would become available again. So now we've seen the first 5 minutes of the movie and want to see more, but can't. We may have to pull out the old Blockbuster card and shell out $5 to rent it!

Cursed Netflix!

Instead we spent last night watching Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian. Entertaining enough, but not what I would call a high quality movie. We won't be seeing it at represented at the awards shows, except maybe the Kids Choice Awards or something.

Yard Santa Therapy

2009-12-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

We are in the middle of a freezing rain/ice storm - our first since moving to SE Washington. One downside to living in a low traffic neighborhood is that our streets have stayed slick even when the ice has started to break up a little in town. The result - I've pretty much been stuck in the house with the kids for the past few days.

Yesterday our blow up santa couldn't blow up because he was weighed down with a thick layer of ice. I decided to get a little workout and return our santa to his "awake" form.

As the air started to try to blow him up, I did a little kickboxing workout on the half inflated santa. Some good kicking and punching broke up the ice enough that he was able to inflate.

I'm sure I looked a little psychotic to any neighbors that happened to see me out in the ice, kicking and flailing at a full sized blow up santa. But really all that matters is I succeeded in freeing the santa from his bonds of ice, and he was able to "wake up" and greet the kids again last night!

(It looks like I'll get to relive my kickboxing glory again tonight as we woke up to another day of ice today.)

Little Man with the blow up Santa on a warmer day

Christmas Cookies

2009-12-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't done much writing lately, but I have been busy baking Christmas cookies. I am actually more interested in the baking and decorating of cookies than I am the eating of cookies, so for the last few years I haven't done much baking. But this year our church did a cookie walk to raise money for missions, so it gave me an excuse to bake as much as I wanted! Yesterday, I hosted a Christmas cookie exchange for the mom's in L's preschool class. I'm hoping to make it an annual event. I ended up baking a second set of the Chocolate Peppermint Bark Cookies for the exchange. They look fancy, even though they aren't that difficult, and taste awesome!!

Chocolate Peppermint Bark Cookies

Snow Covered Chocolate Balls

Shortbread Candy Canes (dipped in chocolate)

Christmas Salt Cookies

Peanut Butter Kisses

Sugar Cookies & Peppermint Sugar Cookies

Frosted Sugar Cookies

"This year, Amanda's been... not doing very much."

2009-12-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Last night in our family Christmas letter, I saw a reflection of my life, at least for this "season". Eric has been working on the Christmas letter that we will send out with our photo Christmas card. We decided it would be one page and would include details about our move, since it was very "out of the blue" and some people may not even realize that we moved or that Eric has become a school principal. Then, on to a short paragraph about what each of us has been up to this year.

Uh-oh!

We got stuck on the "Amanda paragraph". Everyone else has exciting news or milestones to share. I had one sentence in the page long, single spaced letter. It said something like, "Amanda has been busy getting used to our new town and new house with the kids."

I had no idea my life was so exciting!

I felt really bad when I pointed it out to Eric - that really isn't very informative as much as it is generic information that could be said about any of us. So he asked me what he should write....

and I had no idea!

He ended up writing about my interest in clean eating, the Bible study I'm attending and some of the volunteering I'm doing at church and the school. Hopefully next year I'll have more fascinating contributions to our letter: running a 5K, doing a summer missions trip, and who knows what else!?!

'Tis the season... for obsessively organizing!

2009-12-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

Last year I had a minor nervous breakdown just after Christmas. Not an annual thing, surprisingly. But

two children of toy-receiving age + doting relatives and friends = lots of clutter - finding room for all the new toys and clothes

Did you see how I cleverly turned that into a math equation?

To be honest, I can't even remember what we did with all the toys last year, but I feel like we donated some of the older toys and handed down some things to friends. And even then, we stored some unopened toys in the garage to be reintroduced throughout the year. (One toy actually just made it's debut last month!)

I don't know if it is due to last year's angst or what, but this year the clutter and organizing anxiety has begun even before packages have started accumulating under the tree. Even before we HAVE a tree!

My current obsessive focus is the kitchen. Our new kitchen has lots of cabinet space. Much more than our old house. And we do actually have a pantry, which we didn't have before. But the problem is that while the pantry is spacious, it is akwardly shaped for food storage. The shelves are square, which means they are much deeper than a typical cabinet. They are the same depth as our refrigerator. Nice for cereal, oatmeal and dry staples storage. Not so nice for canned goods and all the little things that you would want to put in a pantry. So, it has been a struggle to keep it organized, and I'd love to come up with a system for utlizing this space better. (I've been half heartedly looking for lazy susans but everything I've seen is either way too small or just slightly too big.)

So disorganized feeling pantry has led to a smaller goal of organizing my dry staples so that I don't have bags of wheat flour, white flour, sugar, dry beans, grains, etc. thrown on to the shelf.

And now I have a secondary obsession - a distracting obsession from the first obsession: I can't stand our dirty and gross spice rack. (This actually started because of the clutter in the herb/spice/tea/hot chocolate/etc. section of our kitchen.) It isn't a bad spice rack, really, but it spins and there is something about how it is put together that makes it really difficult to clean it. And the spice bottle tops have a texture, which makes them hard to clean too, unless I want to empty 18 spice bottles into ??? and throw them in the dishwasher. And I don't want to have a greasy and dusty spice rack sitting out on my cabinet for all the world (and myself) to see on a regular basis. Gross.

I'm taking my first step to tackle these issues, and Thank you, Cyber Monday, for your assistance! I did a little sale shopping online yesterday and have found the solution to at least part of my problem. I think step two will be to get some of those white wire shelves to divide the big cabinets up a little bit.

Anyway, my new kitchen "toys". Happy birthday to me, a few weeks early!

My dry staples will be so happy!

Spice rack-tastic!

Extra spice jars!

It's probably pretty obvious at this point, by my excitement, that I don't spend money on myself very often. I am really looking forward to having a well organized kitchen!

Back to blogging to talk about... ground turkey!

2009-11-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

I took a couple of weeks break from blogging because I truly had a half full brain and couldn't put two words together, much less accomplish all of the things I'd love to have done in that time.

But today, post Thanksgiving, I have found inspiration in Extra Lean Jennie-O Ground Turkey. Yes. In the words of Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail": "I lead a small life. Valuable, but small." When your heart starts getting all a-flutter standing in the butcher section of the grocery store, that's pretty much the definition of "small" in terms of life, right?

Monday morning is grocery shopping day at our house. The kids and I head over to Yoke's Fresh Market, stop to get the kids their Kids Club "special treat", and do our shopping. By happy coincidence (I have shopped on Monday's since becoming a stay at home mom), Yoke's marks down some of their meat on Monday morning to make room for more stock. So I troll the meat section scanning for the orange "Manager's Special" stickers on random packages. Sometimes I even sift through the meat -- sometimes those stickers are hiding in there! Today as I walked past the turkey section, I saw a sea of orange stickers. I thought they were going to be "Extra Lean" stickers. I fall for that trick almost every week! But, no! This week the Jennie-O ground turkey is on sale, but there was also an entire layer of ground turkey marked "Manager's Special" for... $.99/package! I don't know if the regular price varies by store or town, but typically at Yoke's such a package would cost around $4. I even checked my Costco bulk ground turkey package and found that I paid $3.50 a package the last time I went there. $.99/package for EXTRA LEAN ground turkey!

I honestly considered taking every package I could find, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I bought three. But now I'm thinking I should drag the kids back there and buy even more! Talk about post-Thanksgiving sales! =)

Speaking of, have a happy "Internet Sales Monday" or whatever it's called! I'll be talking a little bit about that tomorrow!

I'm back to add that I did indeed pack the kids back into the car for a second Yoke's trip. I bought 5 more packages and the cashier commended me on my deal finding ability!

Good Read Thursday: What is the What

2009-11-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

Over the summer, I read what has become of my favorite books of all time: What is the What by Dave Eggers.

I admit, I picked up this book because I had heard of it before and it was on the sale rack at Barnes and Noble. Not necessarily a promising beginning, I have found myself reading some pretty horrible books via that method!

But, What is the What reawakened my interest in cultural differences and, specifically, the cultures of Africa. I have felt a heart tug towards Africa in my life many times, and this was a reawakening.

What is the What is a fictionalized biography of Valentino Deng, a Sudanese boy whose village was destroyed during the civil war and who, without his family, became one of the "Lost Boys" of Sudan. He spent years (13?) wandering from the wilderness to refuge camps, threatened by animals and armed militia. He experienced countless challenges including witnessing the death of friends, injury and starvation. Finally, in his early 20's, Deng was sent as a refuge to the United States.

The book, narrated by Deng, flips back and forth between "present day" - where Deng has to navigate his new world as a stranger - and the experiences of his past.

While I was reading the book, I had a few different people ask me about the title. I don't want to give too much away, but the title refers to the Sudanese creation story and, in particular, one point where God offers the Sudanese people "the What". Upon hearing the story, Deng and his friends naturally ask, "What is the What?" And part of this story is about different people's impressions of what "the What" really is.

The story is in turn heartbreaking, exhilarating, funny, informative and inspirational. I didn't want to put it down. And it has led me to read further about the Lost Boys and about the history of Sudan, which I think was probably the point of Deng sharing his story.

Thanksgiving traditions

2009-11-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

Halloween and B's birthday have come and gone, and we're starting to see the fall colors of our new town. Not in our neighborhood because we don't have many big, beautiful trees here, but driving through town is a special treat this time of year!

Time to turn my attention to Thanksgiving. Always on to the next thing, right?

I have to admit I have a big failing when it comes to Thanksgiving... I am not a big fan of turkey. That is probably because I am not very good at cooking them. Or maybe because I don't like gravy. Turkey is just a little dry and boring, in my opinion. Now, cold turkey leftovers for sandwiches?? Sign me up! But, secretly I curse the giant slimy turkey and it's bag-o-guts. I'd take a ham any day. But then where would I get my turkey sandwich leftovers?

When we moved this summer, we left behind one of my favorite holiday traditions. Probably the one that is the "biggest deal", and something Eric and I have done every year since we lived in Oregon: cutting down our own Christmas tree with friends.

Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago, I had no idea you could do such a thing. Didn't everyone go to a Christmas tree lot and spend big bucks on a full, beautiful tree farm tree? Or maybe mom just had me help lug the box with the gigantic fake tree up from the basement?

Oh no. In Oregon, I discovered a whole new world of Christmas tree fun. Fun that was always the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Fun that only cost $5!

Saturday morning we would meet up with our friends to caravan out into the national forest to find our Christmas tree. It's Oregon, so of course there was the mandatory stop at the espresso stand for lattes or hot chocolate. Everyone bundled up in winter coats and snow pants, boots and hats and gloves. (This happened regardless of what the weather indicated was necessary - you never know what kind of weather you'd find in the foothills.) From Bend, the drive to the forest was only about 20 minutes - plenty of time to drink a peppermint latte and enjoy the beautiful fall scenery.

These Christmas tree hunting trips were not our idea. We joined in on the tradition of friends who had been going for years. The number of families always varied, but it wasn't unusual for 5-8 families to drive up together with their kids and dogs.

When we found the perfect tree hunting spot, the kids would run around together, dogs would run free in the snow, moms would take pictures and corral kids and the dads would lead the hunt for the Christmas trees. We'd also collect boughs for the church's Christmas float.

Side story: The year I was pregnant with L, Eric took off on his own to find our Christmas tree and was gone for more than an hour. Every other family had cut down their tree, posed for pictures and loaded it on to their car, and there I was alone and hormonal wondering where he went. It is a story I am almost required to bring up every year when we cut down our tree. Is that wrong of me?

Anyway, after finding the perfect tree and cutting it down, we always took lots of pictures.

Family picture with our 2008 Christmas Tree

This year will be our first Thanksgiving as a family where we haven't been in Oregon. I really want to continue our tradition of going out as a family to cut down our Christmas tree. I've been doing some research and have found that the closest forest where tree cutting is permitted is about 70 miles away. So we have to decide if the tradition is worth that drive time. If we didn't have a 2 and 3 year old, I'd definitely say "Let's go for it!" But forcing the kids into a day long "adventure" makes me pause. Then again, this is the time for memory making, right?

I'm going to be looking for and trying to think of some other good family traditions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I really would love for this time of year to be full of meaning and memories for our kids. When I come across some good ideas, I'll post them here for others to see.

Aliens: Don't Go There, Movie Makers

2009-11-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

I am a pretty big fan of movies. Eric and I watch movies a lot and there are very few movies I have seen that I really disliked. I'm not even limited by genre, though horror is not a favorite and I'm sure I don't enjoy action flicks as much as my husband does. But, my movie viewing habits do have one serious limitation.

I cannot stand seeing aliens in movies.

Honestly, this preference runs strong enough that it probably borders on strange. Let's put it this way: If I loved aliens as much as I hate seeing aliens in movies, I would be attending conventions in some kind of stretch body suit with fake ears and painted green or purple skin.

I have instituted a "No Aliens" movie rule which is this: I will watch a movie with an alien plot, but only if the alien goes unseen for the entirety of the movie. This means any kind of alien movie has to be pre-screened by Eric who then tells me (99% of the time) not to even bother. Even movies where the alien doesn't show up until the end get ruined as soon as I actually see the visual interpretation of the alien. I would much rather leave that up to my own imagination. And it is always, inevitably ruined by the cooky, "man dressed in Alien-wear with a mask" from back in the day or, more recently "totally ridiculous computer generated scary Alien".

There is only one exception I can think of to my "No Aliens" movie rule, and that is E.T. But, E.T. has the benefit of being connected to childhood memories. Plus, who can say no to cute little E.T. hiding out in the closet of stuffed animals??

I am writing about this today because yesterday I saw Alien (1979) for the very first time. I thought that maybe I had actually found a movie that wasn't ruined for me by the actual appearance of the alien! I actually told Eric during the movie that I think my brain was responding to the Alien more as a "monster" (which I have no problem with) than as "alien". You know, it's all drooly with the extra sets of teeth, busting out of some guy's chest, shreiking and flailing around. Really, more of a horror movie than an alien movie. I made it all the way to within the closing minutes of the movie, impressed with how current the alien looks considering the movie is now 30 years old. And then what happens? I won't ruin it in case anyone reads this who hasn't seen the film. Let's just say the final confrontation occurs and all of the sudden there is a cut to a wide shot of...person dressed in dark clothes with an alien mask/helmet and extra fake limbs attached to his body. What a bummer.

All I could say to Eric was, "And now... the line has been crossed for me." I was done, but the movie was also over.

I can't think of another movie rule I have that is as 100% true for me as this one, or one that I feel so strongly about. Please, no alien related movies for Christmas! =)

Ode to "Teddy Man"

2009-11-07T13:32:00.000-08:00

My son has a best friend. His name is "Teddy Man", usually shortened to "Man". "Man" is his lovey. I have no idea what the kind of toy is actually called. We always called it a "teddy bear head blanket". From that, my daughter named the blanket for us.

Here is Little Man with his Teddy Man back in the summer of 2008.

Man is a little worse for wear now. But he is a loyal friend. He sleeps with my son every night and tags along anytime we are going someplace that might stress him out. He is soft and lovable. Thankfully, my son will let me give Man "a bath". We have a front loading washer, so occasionally Man will get a "bath" and my son will stand in the laundry room watching Man go around and around and around.

We will be in big trouble if something ever happens to Man. I didn't realize until too late that my son was developing a "lovey" style attachment to him. By then, an emergency replacement Man couldn't be found. My daughter never had a lovey, so I guess I was a little behind on that one!

Recently I learned something new about Man. A few weeks ago when I got B out of his crib, he started talking about a wallet. I thought he meant my wallet, since he likes to get into my wallet and pull things out of it. "Where wallet go, Mama?"

A few days ago, I discovered that B was actually talking about Man's wallet! I didn't even realize Man had a wallet! I guess he probably does have lots of important things he would need to keep with him, right? So, after some questioning, I learned that Man's wallet is his tags! B will say, "Where wallet go, Mama?" and then find the tags and beam with pride as he shows me Man's wallet. Very cute.

Good Read Thursday: The Art of Racing in the Rain

2009-11-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

I have always enjoyed reading. At times in my life, a majority of the time, I have been a voracious reader. I sort of fell out of the habit a few years ago when our daughter was born, but I am back at it! When stress or anxiety or busy-ness start to build up in my half full brain, it is nice to read. I usually read fiction, but recently have been reading some fictionalized biographies and novels based on real events or people. I consider them sort of "half fiction". Occasionally I throw in a "summer read", but tend to avoid books I consider "ladies books" - they don't interest me. Eric makes fun of me for reading Jodi Picoult, but her books aren't "ladies books". They often deal with very real social and moral questions, and I find the relationships interesting.

I realized the other day that I have been reading about a book a week, sometimes more. I thought I'd share my thoughts on some of the good reads here. And so, I'll start with...

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

I picked up The Art of Racing in the Rain at the library after failing to finish a recent disappointment. It was sitting at the front of a "current paperback" shelf. I admit, my first thought was, "That looks like Marley!" I enjoyed reading Marley and Me (back before it was a movie), so I picked it up to take a look.

The story of life from a dog's perspective. Sounded intruiging enough for me. I like reading about people's lives, their motivations, etc. As I often do, I read the first couple of pages. Writing style is almost as important to me as the story line.

I was immediately drawn to Enzo, our narrator. Enzo is a dog, nearing the end of his life and reflecting back on the wonderful ride he has had with his owner and master. The title relates to his owner's profession (semi-pro race car driver and driving instructor), but also becomes the primary metaphor for the book. The book is about how Enzo and his family make it through difficult times.

For me, one of the most delightful parts of the book were Enzo's references to TV watching. He stays home while everyone else is at work or school and the TV is left on for him. So he references television shows and specials, tv personalities, as though they are always accurate and true. And the references are always very funny. In one situation, he talks about a court hearing and mentions that he wasn't allowed to attend because he is a dog, but he has a pretty good idea of what happened based on viewing LA Law and Law & Order.

My only complaint is with one of the plot twists that occurs about half way through the book. I won't give details in case anyone else wants to read it, but it challenged my "suspension of disbelief". Whether it is in a book or movie, I always lose a little interest when my mind consciously notices a theme of "anything that could go wrong, will". If you've seen "Meet the Parents", you know what I mean. But, the good thing is that this particular plot twist was tied up nicely and in a semi-believable fashion, so the author saves the story in the end.

By far, the star of this book is Enzo. Possibly one of the most loveable characters I have ever encountered in a book. He will make you want to own a dog, or, at the very least, consider leaving your TV on for the dog you already have!

November Pictures - Past and Present

2009-11-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

We have been taking a lot of pictures lately. Lots of little trips, fun fall events, out of town visitors, Little Man's 2nd birthday. Good memories. Everytime I load pictures from our camera on to our computer, I create a new dated folder. Since the folders are stored alphabetically, I get to look back at the dates of pictures from the same month last year or the year before, etc. I have really gotten a kick out of looking back at those pictures lately. B just turned 2 and L is 3.5 years old. A year makes for big changes at that age! It is really fun to look back and see not only what they looked like, but what they were doing and interested in at the same time in the previous years.

Here are some pictures from previous Novembers.

Early November 2009

Early November 2008

Early November 2007

Early November 2006 (Pre-"Little Man")

Early November 2005 (pregnant with my big girl!)

Early November 2004

Early November 2003

On Planning

2009-11-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

I am a planner and occasionally find that, despite my planning - or maybe in spite of it! - things don't go the way I envision. How frustrating, but also an excellent reminder that God has plans for me and our family and I don't need to sweat the details as much as I do.

A week or so ago, I wrote about feeling a little overwhelmed by Little Man's upcoming birthday, my dad's visit from out of town, and Halloween all happening pretty much at the same time. I organized and planned so that I wouldn't forget anything and things would go smoothly over that 4 day period.

Then, guess what happened?

My daughter (3 years old) suddenly came down with the flu. Thursday morning I had my normal, hyper and energetic daughter, and by Thursday afternoon she had a fever of 103F and looked like a zombie. And out the window went the plans! Halloween and my dad's visit (which also spanned Little Man's birthday) had to accomodate my sick child and doctor's orders that she not leave the house, not to mention taking steps to get her well and try to avoid everyone else getting sick!

And now the busy few days have passed, and we had a very nice time!, and I am reflecting back and feeling dumb for being so worried.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11

So here is a good reminder for today: don't spend energy worrying about how things will get done, or when! God has perfect timing and things will turn out exactly as HE plans, which may not be the way we think things should go, but is always a better way.

End of October = Crazy time!

2009-10-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

I am having a "bad mommy" moment today. I am finally admitting to myself that I have absolutely no idea what is going on with our family's schedule for the next few weeks. Whenever I think about it, my mind gets enveloped by a foggy haze. I hear the soft echo, "You have lots to do... you have lots to do..." I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around these things.

My dad is coming this weekend. It will be his first trip to our new home/town, so I want to be sure he gets a good feel for our new life here.

And it's Halloween. Kids costumes are pretty close to done, I just need to make B's firefighter pants. There are multiple Halloween events going on that I'd like to take the kids to.

Dad stuff... Halloween stuff... B's 2nd birthday is next Monday! It hasn't snuck up on me, but I feel woefully unprepared.

B doesn't really have any "friends" his age here - not the way L did when she turned 2 back in Oregon. It makes thinking about a party a little difficult. No toddlers he has shown a special interest in, and not a big fan of having lots of adults around. I think we are going to do cake with my dad, and then later next week cake with my mom and Aunt. I actually have a made a very general plan about the cake! B loves cars and trucks, so I am going to make him a car cupcake cake. Maybe get some balloons? It's uninspired and I feel like I need to do more, even though the sane part of my brain knows that he has no idea it is his birthday or that he is *supposed* to have a raucous kid party.

So, Dad's visit... Halloween... B's birthday...

I feel like the accomplishment is actually remembering all of these events to realize that I am only "doing them" about half way. Maybe next year I will feel more confident.

I'd prefer sunshine and puppy dogs

2009-10-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

What is up with reality shows showing people "almost die" on television? I am not a fan. Last night on Survivor, we had to watch Russell, blindfolded for a challenge, slowly slump down face first on to a big wooden maze board and then fall to the ground. Only, he didn't fall to the ground because his shirt caught on the handle of the maze, so instead he dangled, limp, blindfolded in mid-air. And then, of course, time passed before anyone actually noticed and helped him. No one noticed, but there is apparently plenty of up close footage. When my nausea finally passed from seeing this, he passes out again, only this time his eyes are OPEN and it really looks like he is dead. Thank you, CBS. [Apparently this incident was previewed on the commercial for this week's Survivor, but since I don't watch that much TV, I never saw it, so didn't know what was coming.]

Last night's Survivor wasn't the first time the viewing public was shown footage of a reality show contestant in the middle of a shocking, scary health crisis. On the first episode of this season's The Biggest Loser, crazy-eye face making Tracey (who still seemed normal at that point), collapsed at the end of a 1 mile run/walk along the beach. Similar thing. Started the mile looking fine, but by the end was gray with purple lips, muttering to herself and she clawed across the sand before passing out face first into the ground. Unresponsive, glassy eyed.

I understand the "shocking" nature of this footage and why it might be considered engrossing television. There is also part of my mind that tells me, "The person won't die. They wouldn't be showing this if the person actually died. I would have heard on the news weeks ago if someone had died on this show." But, still, I am not into it. I don't want to watch people passing out, looking near death, on tv. I have enough to stress out about.

Box of disorganization

2009-10-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

I am one of those strange people that actually really enjoys doing mundane paperwork tasks. I actually enjoy filing and organizing, grading worksheets, stapling and hole punching. You wouldn't know it if you walked into our office today. (Or, any day, really!)

We have a crate in the office that I am going to lovingly refer to as the "red box of disorganization". There the crate sits, right next to our large filing cabinet. Inside: an astounding combination of necessary, important and/or sentimental documents. No organization, no order.

The original purpose of the red crate was supposed to be that we put receipts, bills, paperwork we need to keep into the red crate and then on Tuesdays when I pay bills, I can also file that paperwork in the filing cabinet. Instead, I throw papers in there and forget them. Or I take something out of the filing cabinet when I need it and then, instead of putting it away when I'm done, I toss it into the crate. So now the crate is completely full of all kinds of things: greeting cards and letters, medication receipts, our dog's vet records, copies of car repair bills, etc.

The sad thing is, if I just kept on top of the papers in the crate, it would probably take me 5-10 minutes a week to get those things filed and then we'd be able to access them easily. Instead, I haven't filed them since we moved here at the end of June! So, 5-10 minutes a week for about 15 weeks =... A LOT OF FILING!

Eric is gone this week, so my goal is to get all of those papers filed before he gets back Thursday night. We'll see if I can do it.

Update on my goal from a few weeks ago: A couple of people have asked whether my kitchen counter has remained uncluttered. For the most part, the answer is yes. The hiccup is that now that the counter is clear, L likes to sit there and color, so now there is a coloring book, notebook and big box of crayons that seem to have made their permanent home there. Not complaining - it's better than clutter and a good place for her to sit and color, especially while I'm cooking.

2009-10-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

My daughter is three and a half years old, extremely smart and has an aptitude for music. She learns song lyrics and melodies quickly, and three different people with varied musical backgrounds have complimented her pitch. If someone plays her a melody, she can sing it.

She is not, however, very creative. This is something that has been clear since she was much younger. She is very literal and tends towards perfectionism. In the past she has avoided coloring or drawing because she "can't color like ____" or "can't draw as good as Daddy".

I tend to be hard on myself and my parenting about this. Have Eric and I, both type A people, nurtured our first born into a perfectionistic, type A three year old? I don't think so. Since it was obvious early on how hard she can be on ourselves, Eric and I both try to stress the importance of trying, not giving up, and just doing the best we can. I don't think we're completely "without fault", I'm sure she sees that I am hard on myself and absorbs that too. But I do not insist on perfection.

One of the more obvious examples of L's tendencies is that though she colors and paints, she greatly prefers stickers, play-doh and other crafts. She has started coloring and painting more lately, but often when she colors she actually spends the time trying to write letters and numbers or tracing her hands and feet.

Another example was our experience with potty training. L potty trained quickly, just after her second birthday. She was probably physically ready prior to that time, but resisted. Once we switched to panties, when she became interested and asked to try them, she was extremely hard on herself about accidents. She didn't want panties because she didn't want to have an accident. She was afraid to try panties for naps (6 or so months later) because she was scared she would have an accident in her bed. She actually had very few accidents after her second or third day in panties, in part because we had a period of time where she basically willed herself not to go to the bathroom at all because she was scared of having an accident.

I have often thought about this aspect of L's personality. Do I read too much into this? After all, she is clearly musical (though, despite her love for melodies and singing, she does not particularly enjoy dancing), and music is an art, so she can't be entirely without artistic "brain-i-ness", right?

Today her teacher talked to me after class about a fun play time the kids had. It was "Game Day" and one of the fun activities they did was free play with helium balloons. The teacher told me that she noticed L holding her balloon and standing off to the side, looking withdrawn, as the other kids threw their balloons, hit and kicked them, ran around the room after them, etc. When the teacher asked her how she was doing, L's serious reply was, "I don't know how to do this."

At first, I laughed because L has always loved balloons -- our weekly grocery shopping trip was frequently filled with shouts of glee seeing the character balloons hanging above the checkout, and one year for her birthday she got multiple balloons because friends and family knew how much she liked them. We have even played the "throw it in the air and chase it" game with balloons and balls at home. But, with a moments thought, it made me wonder if it was the lack of "rules" or directions. If you give her a balloon and tell her to use it, she gets stumped.

Lack of creativity? Fear of "doing it wrong"?

Her brother, on the other hand, is definitely a "give him a toy and he'll spend all day figuring out different things to do with it" kid. They are very dissimilar in that way. He's constantly turning over toys to explore them from the opposite view, using a bucket as a hat or chair, using a chair as a slide, driving the upside down plastic shopping cart like it is a car.

It is interesting to see these kinds of traits in the kids. And easy for me to worry about them. Should I be doing something to encourage L to be more creative? Should I be pushing her outside her comfort zone more so that she isn't as afraid to "do it wrong"? It will be interesting to see, as she grows up, how we see her personality develop and these characteristics play themselves out in her.